My cover letter to accompany script

This look ok? I've included comedy background, what it's about and how I see it panning out. Missing anything or anything to change?

Hi,

Please find attached a sitcom script titled "The Forum". I am an Irish stand-up comedian, who's been finalist in most new act competitions in Ireland over the last couple of years ("So You Think You're Funny" Sydney Finalist 2005, 98FM's "Dublin's Best Comedian" Finalist 2006, Lantern Laugh Best Newcomer 2006, Comedy Dublin Best Comedian Finalist 2008).

My sitcom focuses on the offline and online personas of a disparate group of people who frequent ThatBloodyFootballForum.com. But what it's really about is that very human need for people to be together socially. They are trapped there every day, whether it be because they are bored at work, lonely at home, letting off steam, looking for social interaction or just a bit of fun. I have used a room analogy to represent the physicality of the internet forum. Each episode will focus on the offline life of a regular forummer with a twist at the end of each episode, so there will be story arcs for each character throughout a prospective series. The setting allows for a diverse range of characters, both personality-wise and geographically and allows anyone to arrive unannounced. Like most football teams, some characters play important roles whilst others are mere journeymen. Football itself is hardly ever mentioned. If you are interested I already have ideas for five more episodes.

I hope you enjoy it and obviously look forward to hearing from you soon.

Kind regards,

al_gernon

Looks good. The sitcom sounds really original as well.

I think you paragraph explaining the sitcom is far too wordy. It looks like a big wad of text. I was put off reading it - and I don't have to wade through 500 other scripts and letters everyday.

I would cut that second paragraph right down so that it is nice and easy to read. You want to give just enough information to entice the reader to want to know more.

Def.

I don't think you even need to tell them about it at all?

They'll pick it up when reading.

Just say who you are, what you've done, why you're writing to that person and that you hope they can find time to read it.

Here's a question - In al's position should you send the script or just a polite enquiry letter first?

If you are sending the script then agreed I don't see a reason to include lots of info, because yeah - it's all in the script.

A couple of prod co's I approached in the past would not read an unsolicited script but with a nicely worded letter you could get them to ask you for it, and indeed this happened to me. If this was al's approach then might a short synopsis be of use perhaps?

Def.

Quote: Deferenz @ October 22 2008, 2:56 PM BST

Here's a question - In al's position should you send the script or just a polite enquiry letter first?

If you are sending the script then agreed I don't see a reason to include lots of info, because yeah - it's all in the script.

A couple of prod co's I approached in the past would not read an unsolicited script but with a nicely worded letter you could get them to ask you for it, and indeed this happened to me. If this was al's approach then might a short synopsis be of use perhaps?

Def.

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Did you email it, or send it by post?

Quote: catskillz @ October 22 2008, 4:01 PM BST

Did you email it, or send it by post?

View original

Post.

Def.

I just get sick of all the rules. Who ever decided one should do this and one should do that?
The letter is really good and I would be interested in looking at the script. If an editor is put off by the info, it's their loss

Quote: bushbaby @ October 22 2008, 4:18 PM BST

If an editor is put off by the info, it's their loss.

View original

But that will not help al_gernon will it? It will be his loss because a potentially good script he's written will be cast aside for something easier on the eye for the reader. This may not be fair but it happens.

If the reader opens the letter and sees a big block of text then there is an inclination to move on to something easier. Therefore, if the choice is to send a letter then it is in the interest of the writer to make it as easy to read as possible.

What is the point of spending hour after hour perfecting your script if you then treat your introductory tool with such an offhand manner? That seems silly to me. If the letter is your weapon of choice then you want it to hook the reader and make them ask for, or read the script.

Def.

Quote: Seefacts @ October 22 2008, 2:40 PM BST

I don't think you even need to tell them about it at all?

They'll pick it up when reading.

Just say who you are, what you've done, why you're writing to that person and that you hope they can find time to read it.

View original

Yep, I'd pretty much go along with that, but if you do feel the need to explain your vision, cut it down to just two or three lines at most.

Quote: Deferenz @ October 22 2008, 4:34 PM BST

But that will not help al_gernon will it? It will be his loss because a potentially good script he's written will be cast aside for something easier on the eye for the reader. This may not be fair but it happens.

If the reader opens the letter and sees a big block of text then there is an inclination to move on to something easier. Therefore, if the choice is to send a letter then it is in the interest of the writer to make it as easy to read as possible.

What is the point of spending hour after hour perfecting your script if you then treat your introductory tool with such an offhand manner? That seems silly to me. If the letter is your weapon of choice then you want it to hook the reader and make them ask for, or read the script.

Def.

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Yes but it's still a load of shite when an editor scraps a cracking good script because the introductary letter is too long. University/course training? crap...just use your nignog for christ's sake

Quote: bushbaby @ October 22 2008, 9:21 PM BST

just use your nignog for christ's sake

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Ahem.... shouldn't that be *noggin*.... a freudian slip me thinks...

kjs

Quote: bushbaby @ October 22 2008, 9:21 PM BST

Yes but it's still a load of shite when an editor scraps a cracking good script because the introductary letter is too long.

View original

I'm just saying that if a person is sending an introductory letter in order to entice someone to ask for their work then they need to to ensure they do what they can to make the reader want to know more. If a letter is crammed of text then a reader may well use it as an indication that the script will be similar and either not ask to see it or, if already sent, stick it on the returns pile. This may not necessarily be the case but why take the chance?

This may not seem fair but it is a part of our nature. This doesn't just happen in prod co's but in many industries.

Make it easy for the reader - and help yourself.

University/course training? crap...just use your nignog for christ's sake

I'm not quite sure what this means. Are you saying just use your common sense? If this is true then why is your common sense to say "If an editor is put off by the info, it's their loss." ? This doesn't seem like common sense to me. Surely it is in the script writers interest to take all the necessary steps to try and get his/her script read?

Def.

Quote: KJSmyling @ October 23 2008, 12:26 AM BST

Ahem.... shouldn't that be *noggin*.... a freudian slip me thinks...

kjs

View original

Possibly, it's a northern term and probably un PC now

Quote: bushbaby @ October 23 2008, 10:07 AM BST

Possibly, it's a northern term and probably un PC now

View original

It don't mean "brain" in the south, I can tell you that much:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=nignog

Well, maybe the deep south...