British Comedy Guide

William Stockbridge.26/10/1920 - 13/01/2003

This is a true story sketch just like the other one.I felt the need to share.

14 year old Charley is sitting next to Grandad on the sofa.

Charley
(Fidgeting nervously) Erm Grandad, we are doing this project about World War 2 at school & I was wondering if I could interview you as part of that project.

Grandad
(Eyebrow raised) I don’t like to talk about the war.

Charley
Yes I know that Grandad but this is for school.

Grandad
I was a Japanese Prisoner of war, I don’t like to talk about it. I was lucky they got me & not the Germans, seeing as how I am ½ Jewish. Would you like an ice pop

Charley
No Thank you Grandad.

Grandad
I am lucky my Father changed our name to Stockbridge if we had kept our real name (Shakes his head) Well lets just say you may not have been here today. Would you like a biscuit.

Charley
No Thanks Grandad.

Grandad
I tell you what, ask your nanny. She was in the land army, that’s how we met. If you want to write a project on torture speak to her. That woman scared the hell out of any enemy soldiers. Scared the hell out of me. When she said “William I think I may allow you to ask for my hand” I tell you no hesitation on my part, I was on my knees that very second…. How about I go & get you a bag of crisps.

Charley
Well Grandad really all I wanted to do was a day in the life of a soldier during World War 2. I don’t really want to stand up in class and talk about torture. Oh and No thank you to the crisps.

Grandad
Well that will be one boring project then. You have to have a bit of gore if you are talking world war 2. A jammy dodger?

Charley
I don’t want gore Grandad & no thanks.

Grandad
Good because I don’t like talking about the war. I know, let me get you a nice lolly pop.

Charley
No thanks Grandad. I understand about the not wanting to discuss the war. I will nip over to my other Grandad. He may be able to help.

Grandad
No no no! Stay here, Ask away let me go get us some caramel whirls.

Charley follows Grandad into the kitchen.

Charley
Okay well I would just like a day in the life of a young soldier.

Grandad
They made us get up and work from dawn till dusk. (offers her a caramel whirl)

Charley
(Declines the whirl) The officers in charge?

Grandad
No! The Japs.

Charley
Can we do an interview about before you were captured.

Grandad
Oh right okay. Well I was standing next to my comrade ‘Porter’, nice chap Porter, when we realised we were surrounded so we had no choice but to surrender to the Japs…. Sausage roll?

Charley
No thanks. Okay Grandad, how about a week before you were captured by the Japanese.

Grandad
Well we spent that hiding from being captured by the Japs.

Charley
Ok Grandad, how about 6 months before that.

Grandad
(Rubs his chin) 6 months to the day before that, Erm, we were preparing for all eventualities including capture.

Charley
(Sighs) By the Japanese. Ok Grandad I think I have everything I need. I have to go now, my bus is due.

Grandad
(Pleading) Will you take my rubber fried egg with you.

Charley
Not again Grandad.

Grandad
If she sees it in the bin Nanny will go ballistic.

Charley
Ask her to stop cooking your tea 4 hours before you need it then keeping it warm by boiling a saucepan and putting the plate on top.

Grandad
Cant. She will kill me.

Charley Sighs and Grandad throws the egg on the floor, it bounces twice then Charley catches it.

Charley
Grandad you have survived a concentration camp. Surely 1 little old lady is a doddle.

Grandad
I am scared. You tell her. She is your Nanny

Charley
She is your wife. Look I have to go. (kisses him on the cheek) Love you.

On the way out Charley is bouncing the fried egg and tries to hide it as she bumps into Nanny down the lane.

Nanny
Hello Char, (Eyes narrow)Is that Grandads fried egg in your hands.

Charley
(Hides the egg in her pocket) Erm! Nooooooooo!

Nanny
You been up the house to chat to Grandad, I bet he didn’t help you with your project. Dopey bugger. He wont talk about the war, but there is no use crying over spilled milk…. You want to come back with me. There is about to be another war. Grandad wanted a walkman and I saw this & could not resist.(Starts giggling, as she hands Charley the box)I thought it appropriate seeing as how you opened the memory gates. Read the back Charley.

Charley reads
Made in Japan.

There's a fantastic line in Atkinsons' people, where the subject (obviously a Ralph Richardson type) is talking about the war.

"Well, it was nineteen thrity nine and war was breaking out. My father wasted no time in joining the Germans"

Not a line of dialogue rang true for me, I'm afraid.

Quote: Alan Alexander @ June 20, 2007, 8:05 AM

Not a line of dialogue rang true for me, I'm afraid.

Its a true story Alan how can it not ring true? Also you forgot best wishes. I thought it dragged in the middle maybe it should be a bit shorter.

Quote: ajp29 @ June 20, 2007, 8:41 AM

Its a true story Alan how can it not ring true? Also you forgot best wishes. I thought it dragged in the middle maybe it should be a bit shorter.

I assume the dialogue is not a verbatim account of a discussion from 20-odd years ago.

The gramps ending each sentence with a treat and getting declined is well written and tickled me - definitely worth keeping or expanding on that.

I think it fits well with the other one you've just done, they are clearly a pair. This also has a thought provoking ending, which I liked, linking nicely to the already established mischievous Nanny character. Expanding these pieces (i.e. adding further 'episodes') might be tricky without resorting to made-up bits. Family history can nevertheless provide a rich source for different situations I think even if the constant retelling over many years is likely to blur the real truth somewhat. I never knew either of my grandfathers. The story goes that the one on my father's side worked in a timber yard and was killed when he fell on a circular saw. Tragic at the time but it was 95 years ago so the tale has probably been embellished a bit since then. Anyway, Charley, I personally like what you're doing now, keep it up!

I like the character of Grandad, especially the way he keeps offering things to Charley. I know all grandparents do it but you brought this little quirk out very well.

If you work on a plot Charley and pick your characters carefully, you have the beginnings of a sitcom with this gentler approach.

Thanks all. I loved the characters of my Nanny & Grandad. Different generation etc. I will sit for hours in stitches at family partys where my father, aunts & uncles discuss their lives with them growing up. Nanny was an overpowering stern woman & Grandad was a softie. I may use some of my relatives memories to add more to them. Thanks.xx

Quote: Alan Alexander @ June 20, 2007, 8:05 AM

Not a line of dialogue rang true for me, I'm afraid.

Why Alan? Every time!

Seemed quite touching to me. Obviously not every word can be remembered exactly but I can imagine and believe the overall feel.

Cheers David.

Obviously my Nanny & Grandad were well known by Mr AA as he knows how they would have spoken.

I have a diary I kept from the age of 8-15. Everything is in it. There was an extract of this convo with my Grandad the rest I am doing by memory. The Fried egg was real too. Either myself or one of my cousins would have to discard it for him.

x

Really liked that Charley. It's more to my liking with the gentler humour, something I've been trying to concentrate on lately.

Keep this up.

Fankoo Leevil.

Quote: charley rance @ June 21, 2007, 12:06 AM

I have a diary I kept from the age of 8-15. Everything is in it.
x

What happened to make you stop at 15? Boys?

It's probably more interesting now!

Well! The truth is my mother found it and managed to decipher my codes. Eg BJ. LO, GF,BF.
Also Kyle was escorted from my womb at that age and he kept me busy.
I often have a read & a giggle or a cry.

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