INT. FREEZER, UPPER DRAWER - DAY
THE UPPER DRAWER OF A FREEZER. THE CONTENTS ARE WELL SPACED OUT.
STEAK AND KIDNEY PIE
Hold up! The petite pois are nearly gone!
FROZEN LASAGNE
Cheeky little sods roll everywhere.
PETITE POIS
(chorus)
We can`t help it! We can`t help it!
FROZEN LASAGNE
(under his breath)
You`re just yes veg.
STEAK AND KIDNEY PIE
Perhaps they`ll get some sweet corn?
FROZEN LASAGNE
Evil little critters them. Put them in with the green beans and it`s like a war zone.
STEAK AND KIDNEY PIE
Leave it out! We don`t want to be getting like the middle drawer!
PETITE POIS
(collective gasp)
The middle drawer!
INT. FREEZER, MIDDLE DRAWER - DAY
A SOLITARY SAUSAGE CLINGS TO ONE CORNER.
OPPOSITE, FIVE ICE POPS LEER MENACINGLY OVER THE EDGE OF THEIR OPENED BOX.
RED ICE POP
C`mon porkie, surrender!
SAUSAGE
Never!
BLUE ICE POP
They won`t want you now.
SAUSAGE
(defensive)
But I`m organic!
RED ICE POP
Well you won`t cut the mustard in this household!
THE DRAWER OPENS. A BAG OF GREEN BEANS AND A BAG OF SWEET CORN ARE THROWN IN. THE DRAWER CLOSES.
RED ICE POP
Battle stations!
THE ICE POPS SHUFFLE TOGETHER.
THE SWEET CORN EYES THE SAUSAGE.
SWEET CORN
Chin up lad. We`ll sort `em!
THE RED AND BLUE ICE POPS LAUNCH LIKE MISSILES AND HIT THE SWEET CORN.
SWEET CORN
Oh no you don`t! Not on my shift!
THE SWEET CORN RIPS ITS SEAL. SEVERAL HARD KERNELS FIRE OUT.
AS THE THREE ICE POPS FALL FROM THE TOP OF THEIR BOX, THEIR COLOURED LIQUID SPLATTERS OUT IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
BLUE ICE POP
It`s carnage!
RED ICE POP
Quick! Back to the box!
AS THE RED ICE POP TRIES TO HELP THE BLUE ICE POP, THE GREEN BEANS RIPS ITS SEAL.
GREEN BEANS
`Ave some!
TWO GREEN BEANS SHOOT OUT, SPEAR THE RED AND BLUE ICE POPS AND BRING THEM DOWN.
TWO SMALL POOLS OF RED AND BLUE BEGIN TO FORM ON THE FLOOR.
THE MIDDLE DRAWER OPENS. THE FROZEN LASAGNE IS THROWN IN. THE DRAWER CLOSES.
FROZEN LASAGNE
Hey! What happened? Were am I?
THE SWEET CORN AND GREEN BEANS GRAB EITHER END OF THE FROZEN LASAGNE WITH THE CORNERS OF THEIR BAGS.
THE SAUSAGE SWAGGERS UP.
SAUSAGE
You`ve reached the point of no return.
THE SAUSAGE JABS THE FROZEN LASAGNE WITH A STRAY GREEN BEAN.
SAUSAGE
You are in the middle drawer. It`s cold and it`s tough and no veg can hear you scream!
FADE TO BLACK
THE SOUND OF THE FROZEN LASAGNE`S SCREAMS ECHO OFF INTO THE DISTANCE.
