British Comedy Guide

This whole recession thing... Page 9

I just got this in an email (don't shoot the messenger).

Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on HBOS in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan .

In the last 7 hours Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.

Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.

Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.

Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.

Oh dear.

There hasn't even been a run on HBOS.

hahaha But the rest of it is all true!!! hahaha

That really is the email gag that refuses to die ... I reckon I first got it at least five years ago. It's even been done as a sketch by The Treason Show several times (which I thought was a bit cheeky on their part).

Where do the really rich folk put their money. I mean the McCartneys and such like, 'cos this £35k limit well even if they put 35k in every bank well would there be enough banks? Perhaps they are moving it to Bank of Ireland, I don't know...also what happened to Lehman Brother's depositors and mortgagees, or wasn't it that sort of bank.
I've also got a question about my excel spreadsheet for later.

:D

Coutts.

And no, Lehman wasn't that sort of bank.

This is why the American taxpayers have no confidence in the bailout plan:

Two Saturdays ago, it totaled just three pages — the White House's request for $700 billion to rescue tottering financial institutions by buying their devalued mortgage-related assets.

After an intense weekend of negotiations, the draft of the bailout legislation before Congress had swelled to 42 pages.

The following Friday, after almost a week of marathon talks between Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson and key lawmakers in both parties, the working version was up to 102 pages. It went down to defeat Monday in the House, mostly at the hands of Republicans.

Once the Senate was finished adding sweeteners Wednesday to entice reluctant House Republicans to change their minds and vote for the bailout, the bill heading for passage had grown to 451 pages.

It was unclear whether it would expand still more as House leaders hunted for the votes needed to clear the bill.

Quote: Mannikin Bird @ October 1 2008, 1:18 PM BST

Where do the really rich folk put their money. I mean the McCartneys and such like, 'cos this £35k limit well even if they put 35k in every bank well would there be enough banks?

They dont care about the £35k limit because NO HIGH STREET bank will ever be allowed to go under. That was always the likely case and NR proved it. I have plenty of clients with millions of pounds held as cash as none are worried. The only ones who are are Sky News and Ethel who has £15 with Barclays.

Quote: Gavin @ October 1 2008, 12:25 PM BST

The Farce of economic collapse?

Certainly, some trousers are falling down.. hence, I say a farce.. but it's not funny to see this charade of "economic collapse" being so badly played out..

I hope you're not taken in by it, friend.

Quote: DaButt @ October 2 2008, 12:52 AM BST

This is why the American taxpayers have no confidence in the bailout plan:

Two Saturdays ago, it totaled just three pages — the White House's request for $700 billion to rescue tottering financial institutions by buying their devalued mortgage-related assets.

After an intense weekend of negotiations, the draft of the bailout legislation before Congress had swelled to 42 pages.

The following Friday, after almost a week of marathon talks between Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson and key lawmakers in both parties, the working version was up to 102 pages. It went down to defeat Monday in the House, mostly at the hands of Republicans.

Once the Senate was finished adding sweeteners Wednesday to entice reluctant House Republicans to change their minds and vote for the bailout, the bill heading for passage had grown to 451 pages.

It was unclear whether it would expand still more as House leaders hunted for the votes needed to clear the bill.

What a FARCE! :)

Put your money where your mouth is.

Money talks, money talks, dirty cash I want you, dirty cash i need you, woh-oh.

No recession for me apart from my hairline. Its just a big putrid pile of media crap. When you are on skid row then you have lost it all.

We are alive, healthy (hopefully), have a roof over our heads (yes, its quite cumbersome I know) and can make crap jokes. What more does anyone want?

A small number of really rich guys want $700 billion dollars of our money to make up for a what they have pissed away, and I'll expect we'll give it to them. We're good like that! :)

As I said above, the bailout plan has been padded with ridiculous special interest pork. It's reasons like this Americans are fed up with their representatives in Washington. There's talk of legislation that would ensure that future bills would be single-subject and I'm all for it.

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- The Senate's financial rescue plan may have a better chance of passage because it's padded with pork that may be tasty enough to get reluctant House members to bite.

Most of the $110 billion in additions, such as a tax credit for research and development and an increase in insurance for bank accounts, would have broad economic impact.

The benefits of others, though, may not be so evident to most taxpayers.

For example, the proposal includes an excise tax exemption for a very specific type of arrow used by child archers.

According to Steve Ellis of Taxpayers for Common Sense, a nonpartisan watchdog group, current law places an excise tax of 39 cents on the first sale by the manufacturer, producer or importer of any shaft of a type used to produce certain types of arrows.

"This proposal would exempt from the excise tax any shaft consisting of all natural wood with no laminations or artificial means to enhance the spine of the shaft used in the manufacture of an arrow that measures 5/16 of an inch or less and is unsuited for use with a bow with a peak draw weight of 30 pounds or more," Ellis wrote.

The estimated cost of the proposal is $6 million over 10 years, he wrote. Follow the progress of the $700 billion bailout plan »

Oregon Sens. Ron Wyden, a Democrat, and Gordon Smith, a Republican, were the initial sponsors of the arrow provision. According to Bloomberg News, the earmark provision would be worth $200,000 a year to Rose City Archery in Myrtle Point, Oregon.

The Taxpayers for Common Sense also reports that the proposal includes such mouthwatering morsels as these:

# Creation of a seven-year cost recovery period for construction of a motorsports racetrack: Track owners currently follow a seven-year depreciation schedule and write each year's depreciation off their taxes. The IRS wanted to increase the depreciation timetable to 15 years, which would mean the track owner's depreciation would be cut in half. The measure in the keeps the seven-year depreciation schedule for two years and would cost taxpayers $100 million.

# A refund of excise taxes to Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands for rum: A $13.50 per gallon excise tax is placed on rum imported into the United States. The measure extends to December 31, 2009, a refund of $13.25 per gallon tax back to Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands, which are both U.S. territories. The refund has been in place since the early '90s. The measure would cost taxpayers $192 million.

# Income averaging for amounts received in connection with the Exxon Valdez litigation: The measure would allow the plaintiffs who won damages from Exxon Mobile for the oil spilled by the Exxon Valdez to average the award over three years rather than treating it as income in a single year. The measure was backed by Alaska Rep. Don Young and would cost taxpayers $49 million.

# Secure rural schools and community self-determination program: The program replaces revenue rural communities used to enjoy from the sale of federal forest land. The measure is sponsored by lawmakers from Oregon and Idaho. The program would cost taxpayers $3.3 billion.

# Deduction of state and local sales taxes: The measure allows citizens who do not pay state income taxes to deduct the amount of sales tax they pay over a year from their federal income tax for two additional years. States that benefit include Texas, Nevada, Florida, Washington and Wyoming. The measure would cost taxpayers $3.3 billion.

# Provisions related to film and television productions: In order to keep movie production in the U.S., production companies would be allowed to deduct the cost of producing the films from their taxes. Rep. Diane Watson, D-California, has been one of the program's biggest supporters. The measure would cost taxpayers $478 million over 10 years.

# Extension and modification of duty suspension on wool products, wool research fund and wool duty refunds: The measure helps U.S. worsted wool fabric makers and clothing manufacturers. The bill extends provisions through 2014 or 2015 that were originally sponsored by Reps. Louise Slaughter, D-New York, and Melissa Bean, D-Illinois, in 2007. The measure would cost taxpayers $148 million.
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# Extension of economic development credit for American Samoa: The measure would extend for two years provisions meant to help economic development in the U.S. territory of American Samoa. The measure would cost taxpayers $33 million.

# Transportation fringe benefit to bicycle commuters: The measure would allow employers to provide benefits to employees who commute to work via bicycle, such as help purchasing and maintaining a bicycle. The measure would cost taxpayers $10 million.

What would happen DaButt, in your opinion, if the bill never passed.

DaButt, there seems to be consensus that the economic problems in the States will aid Obama's camp. Americans turn to Democratic leadership for effective fiscal policies? What's the rationale there?

Quote: Tommy Power @ October 3 2008, 10:02 AM BST

DaButt, there seems to be consensus that the economic problems in the States will aid Obama's camp. Americans turn to Democratic leadership for effective fiscal policies? What's the rationale there?

Fart, fart, fart..... Wave

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