Laugh or Cry

1. EXT. DAY. STREET.

A KID APPROACHES HIS DAD'S CAR TO GET IN BUT HIS DAD KEEPS DRIVING OFF JUST BEFORE KID OPENS CAR DOOR. HE REPEATS THIS FOUR TIMES BEFORE FINALLY LETTING THE KID INTO THE CAR.

DAD: Only pulling your leg son, ha, ha.

KID: I'm not your son, ask mum, ha, ha.

2. INT. DAY. BATHROOM.

A MAN IS LEANING OVER A SINK COUGHING. A LARGE ASHTRAY OF CIGARETTE BUTTS LIES ON THE WINDOW SILL BESIDE HIM.

MAN: Gonna have to quit the fags.

SFX MAN COUGHING.

CUT TO MAN WALKING INTO ROOM. FROM BEHIND WE SEE A NUMBER OF MEN WHO APPEAR TO BE MASTURBATING INTO A DISH. THEY GIVE THE MAN THE DISH.

VOICE: Get that down your neck.

SFX MAN COUGHING.

3. EXT. DAY. SITE.

AN ARCHAEOLOEGY DIG IS TAKING PLACE

ARCHAEOLOGIST 1: I've found something, I'll give it a good clean.

ARCHAEOLOGIST 2: We haven't found anything decent in weeks.

ARCHAEOLOGIST 1: Oh, now that's beautiful.

ARCHAEOLOGIST 2: What is it? What is it?

ARCHAEOLOGIST 1: Absolutely stunning. Oh, it's a mirror.

4. EXT. DAY. COALMINE.

BOSS: Pit's closing lads. Folk want eco-friendly power nowadays. There's graft available though if you're not too fussy.

CUT TO INT. MINER BEING SWUNG BY THE LEGS AT NIGHT IN LIGHTHOUSE.

Nigel I hate to say it but none of these pushed my buttons at all.

Sorry, you have written better.

I'm afraid 1 and 2 bamboozled me. I read them a couple of times and I still haven't come to a conclusion about them. 3 was okay - maybe you could make it an episode of antiques roadshow - those antique experts seem to love themselves anyway. I quite like 4 - the visual punchline works but I think you could find a more elegant way of setting it up.

Just my opinion of course,

Bo.

'fraid I'm inclined to agree with Bohannon here. Last one's quite nice, and a good visual, 3's fine and airy, but first two didn't do it for me.

The first reads more like witty dialog in a sitcom script not a sketch in it's own right, made me smile.
The second I really don't get I'm afraid??
The last two were good and like Bo I like the visual punchline on the last one.

1 I agree with Daddy Maz on.

2 I got. By fags he means homosexuals. It's a bukkake gag. And a f**king awful one at that.

3 did nothing for me.

4 I didn't understand.

So, all in all, I don't have much good to say for this batch, Nigel. Sorry, mate.

I end up putting up too much rushed stuff and this is the result. Must do better. Cheers.

I like Number 1, though I think the way it's written is misleading. Needs more time spent on the stage directions and better punctuation in the punchline. And as a sketch it would live or die by the kid's delivery.

I also like Number 4, though you probably have to specify that the miner is wearing a helmet with a lamp on it. And I've no idea how you'd film it.

The "fag" one is just horrible, I'm afraid; and I don't think the one with the archaeologists works, unless the one looking in the mirror is really obviously stunning. And even then, I'm not sure if it's funny.

So that's 2 out of 4 from me.