Fair point. Still think it's funny, like the jollity of it.
Phoney Insurance Page 2
Enjoyable as always, sir. How about one in a car with Churchill the dog telling him to "mount the pavement and show that bus queue what a real man can do". Oh yes!
Bo.
Am I foolish? I thought it hilarious. The switch half-way is sublime, and you leave us with a Gervais-esque squirm. That's a compliment, by the way, before I get manhandled by the anti-Gervais army.
Very nice work. One of your funniest.
Quote: David Bussell @ September 23 2008, 9:33 PM BSTIt's not really gratuitous. That would involve him actually f**king the cobbler.
Well you could do it Sunset Boulevard style.
Except this time instead of starting with a murder and working backwards. You start with a man in a burns ward, who's just stuck his dinkle in a very hot pudding.
Quote: Bohannon @ September 24 2008, 12:47 AM BSTEnjoyable as always, sir. How about one in a car with Churchill the dog telling him to "mount the pavement and show that bus queue what a real man can do". Oh yes!
Bo.
That's superb also. This stuff literally writes itself.
Not literally...
It does in the sense that I'm not writing it anymore.
Admiral sounds like "Kill them all"
See what I mean?
Dave's sketches nearly always work like clockwork for me, but this one didn't.
I think (for me) it's because the sketch is about too many things at once.
Firstly to make sure I understand it: there's a guy with voices in his head telling him to do bad things, and those voices take the form of a malevolent cartoon telephone from a insurance company... and the bad thing on this occasion is to go and f**k the peach cobbler... these are all good funny ideas.
I think my problem is the triple reveal where we learn that Phoney is imaginary AND Phoney is evil AND Phoney's idea of evil is to do bad stuff to dessert, all at the same time. I think they sort of detract from each other. I'd prefer to discover those things as separate beats as the sketch progresses, three separate funny revelations.
Also on a technical point, once we've switched to the POV of the fellow diners, and realise that Terry is talking to himself, does it still make sense to give Phoney his own lines? Wouldn't it be:
TERRY: You're the best, Phoney!
TERRY (maybe in Phoney's voice, but anyway, definitely Terry): That's right, now why don't you go and f**k the peach cobbler
TERRY: Sure thing, Phoney.
Otherwise how do we ever know that Terry's been talking to himself? (Unless Phoney speaks in V/O, in which case that should be indicated ?)
Finally the Admiral payoff doesn't work for me. I guess the idea is "look there's a crazy character, who reckons Terry is even crazier than he is!!", but a room full of shocked normal diners would bring home the horror of Terry's situation more I think.
Also I wondered. Is Phoney Insurance supposed to be something that Terry's seen on TV and is copying, or is it completely an insane imagining of his?
Anyway, that's my two cents worth of crap. If you want more crap you know where I am.
I actually started laughing out loud... very loud to that sketch.
I want to eat your brain and gain your comedy knowledge...Take it as high praise... Or an act of sexual domination, whatever.
I think this is a sort of fast association sketch, where it works if you make lots of very fast associations with out needing the whole story.
Like Mitchell and Webbs, Digby Chicken Ceasar sketch. Dick Barton, booze, criminal tramps, obsession with evil villains.
There's no explanation to why this tramp thinks he's Dick Barton.
But there's so many quick references it just works.
Quote: Griff @ September 24 2008, 7:15 PM BSTDave's sketches nearly always work like clockwork for me, but this one didn't.
I think (for me) it's because the sketch is about too many things at once.
Firstly to make sure I understand it: there's a guy with voices in his head telling him to do bad things, and those voices take the form of a malevolent cartoon telephone from a insurance company... and the bad thing on this occasion is to go and f**k the peach cobbler... these are all good funny ideas.
I think my problem is the triple reveal where we learn that Phoney is imaginary AND Phoney is evil AND Phoney's idea of evil is to do bad stuff to dessert, all at the same time. I think they sort of detract from each other. I'd prefer to discover those things as separate beats as the sketch progresses, three separate funny revelations.
Also on a technical point, once we've switched to the POV of the fellow diners, and realise that Terry is talking to himself, does it still make sense to give Phoney his own lines? Wouldn't it be:
TERRY: You're the best, Phoney!
TERRY (maybe in Phoney's voice, but anyway, definitely Terry): That's right, now why don't you go and f**k the peach cobbler
TERRY: Sure thing, Phoney.
Otherwise how do we ever know that Terry's been talking to himself? (Unless Phoney speaks in V/O, in which case that should be indicated ?)
Finally the Admiral payoff doesn't work for me. I guess the idea is "look there's a crazy character, who reckons Terry is even crazier than he is!!", but a room full of shocked normal diners would bring home the horror of Terry's situation more I think.
Also I wondered. Is Phoney Insurance supposed to be something that Terry's seen on TV and is copying, or is it completely an insane imagining of his?
Anyway, that's my two cents worth of crap. If you want more crap you know where I am.
Cheers for taking the time, Griff. Some good points there. Firstly, this point:
"I think my problem is the triple reveal where we learn that Phoney is imaginary AND Phoney is evil AND Phoney's idea of evil is to do bad stuff to dessert, all at the same time."
I see what you're getting at, but personally I don't think it's too much to take in at once. In any case, a little confusion (only a little mind) might prompt a repeat viewing, which is basically the golden egg for these 30 second viral type sketches.
As to this point:
"Once we've switched to the POV of the fellow diners, and realise that Terry is talking to himself, does it still make sense to give Phoney his own lines?"
I agree I could make this clearer, and I likely would were it not for the fact that if this gets made I'll have a supervising hand in it. In actual fact the POV is meant to switch to the diners (so sign of Phoney) then back to Terry for Phoney's re-appearance and dialogue.
Lastly to this:
"Finally the Admiral payoff doesn't work for me. I guess the idea is "look there's a crazy character, who reckons Terry is even crazier than he is!!", but a room full of shocked normal diners would bring home the horror of Terry's situation more I think."
I wonder that myself. My thinking is to shoot the thing with the Admiral then work out in the edit if he's needed or not.
No worries Dave. The fact that this is something you are writing up for a 30-second viral to make yourself, rather than a sketch script to pitch to TV, is a very fair point, and makes a lot of difference. I should also have pointed out that I was enjoying the sketch and the concept up until I got a bit baffled. Also, I get easily baffled.
Still think it's funny 
. And should be fun to get the cheesy acting style of these adverts. Is Admiral's parrot involved? Could have him make a snide comment to the Admiral.
Or the other advert dude going "I do believe he's confused.com!".
And then add Hastings Direct, just for good measure.