British Comedy Guide

Phoney Insurance

INT. BISTRO – DAY

TERRY IS ENJOYING HIS MEAL WHEN PHONEY, A TALKING ANIMATED TELEPHONE, BOUNDS ONTO THE TABLE.

TERRY:
Hi Phoney!

PHONEY:
Hi, Terry! Did you know that if you insure your car online with Phoney Insurance you can save up to ten percent?

TERRY:
I didn’t know that!

PHONEY:
And did you know that Phoney Insurance isn’t just for your car? We offer a wide range of products!

TERRY:
You do?

PHONEY:
Why yes, Terry – like home insurance and travel cover!

TERRY:
Wow!

CUT TO THE PERSPECTIVE OF TERRY’S FELLOW DINERS. THERE IS NO PHONEY - TERRY HAS BEEN TALKING TO HIMSELF THE WHOLE TIME.

TERRY (CONT):
You’re the best, Phoney!

PHONEY:
That’s right! Now why don’t you jump on the table and f**k that peach cobbler?

TERRY:
Sure thing, Phoney!

TERRY HOPS UP ON THE TABLE AND UNZIPS HIS FLIES. SAT A COUPLE OF TABLES AWAY A SEA ADMIRAL WITH A PARROT ON HIS SHOULDER SHAKES HIS HEAD IN DISDAIN.

ADMIRAL:
Bloody loon.

Peach cobbler is so rarely mentioned on the BSG forums, so how lovely that it appears in this tip-top sketch.

I didn't find it funny. It's just a man having sex with a piece of fruit - brought on by mental illness.

How you can dare to have this within feet of 'Cast Irony', I just don't know.

I tend to agree with Winterlight. Not your best. But you've high standards to live up to.

Quote: Winterlight @ September 23 2008, 4:30 PM BST

I didn't find it funny. It's just a man having sex with a piece of fruit - brought on by mental illness.

Ah, I see where you've come unstuck. It's not a piece of fruit, it's a dessert!

Now admit that it's funny and we can carry on being friends.

It's a good sketch, could the Admiral call him a loon?

Quote: sootyj @ September 23 2008, 7:15 PM BST

It's a good sketch, could the Admiral call him a loon?

Oh, I like that. See edit.

Very nice.

I think a flatshare where a lonely man with psychiatric problems is surrounded by all the characters from day time TV adverts.

Churchill, Admiral, that Elephant and they keep telling him to do bad things and they never, ever let him sleep.

Quote: sootyj @ September 23 2008, 7:40 PM BST

Very nice.

I think a flatshare where a lonely man with psychiatric problems is surrounded by all the characters from day time TV adverts.

Churchill, Admiral, that Elephant and they keep telling him to do bad things and they never, ever let him sleep.

It certainly lends itself to a runner.

Made me laugh, 'now why don't you jump on the table and f**k that peach cobbler' is a great line. Great sketch.

Bussell would you be awfully offended if I did an inspired by Bussell on this one?

Quote: sootyj @ September 23 2008, 7:51 PM BST

Bussell would you be awfully offended if I did an inspired by Bussell on this one?

Seeing as I've filched your punchline I can hardly say no, can I?

I quite like it, why dsidn't you enter it into the sketch comp?

Made me laugh! Nice angle, could always change the gratuitous sex.

Quote: Rob0 @ September 23 2008, 9:21 PM BST

Made me laugh! Nice angle, could always change the gratuitous sex.

It's not really gratuitous. That would involve him actually f**king the cobbler.

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