Here you go.
Two Miliband runner sketches that I figured would be best to put in one thread.
1) MILIBAND TAKES No.10 by Mikey J
INT. BATHROOM OF NUMBER 10. DAY.
DAVID MILIBAND IS BRUSHING HIS TEETH, WEARING PYJAMAS.
A SHOCKED GORDON BROWN ENTERS.
MILIBAND:
Morning, Prime Minister. I trust you slept well.
GORDON:
Miliband. What are you doing in my bathroom?
MILIBAND:
You asked me round here.
GORDON:
No, I didn't.
MILIBAND:
Yes, you did. Otherwise, why would I be here?
GORDON:
Oh, right. Where's my wife? She seems to have disappeared.
MILIBAND:
I don't know, Gordon. Maybe she went out this morning and did something completely random, such as… er… house-hunting.
GORDON:
House-hunting? In the current economic climate? What the hell is she thinking? Why would we need another house anyway?
MILIBAND:
Don't know. Women are so fickle. They can never have enough shoes, so maybe she thought she can never have enough houses.
GORDON:
Silly mare. Oh, and another thing. Where's my furniture? Everything's gone. And the strangest thing is, it's all been replaced by… well… your furniture.
MILIBAND:
Really? Well, fancy that.
MILIBAND'S WIFE ENTERS THE BATHROOM IN HER DRESSING GOWN.
WIFE:
Morning, boys.
MILIBAND:
Morning, sweetheart.
GORDON:
What the hell is your wife doing here? What's going on?
WIFE:
Haven't you told him yet, David?
GORDON:
Told me what?
MILIBAND:
All right, Gordon. We should have told you sooner. Thing is… we've moved into Number Ten.
GORDON:
Why?
MILIBAND:
Because… (STRUGGLING FOR ANSWER) we… like it.
WIFE:
This means, Gordon, that you're going to have to move out.
GORDON:
Oh. I see. Okay. Well, I'll be going, then.
MILIBAND AND WIFE:
Yes, ‘Bye, Gordon.
GORDON STARTS TO WALK OFF, THEN STOPS.
GORDON:
Hey, for a minute there, I thought you were after my job.
GORDON AND MILIBAND LAUGH AT GORDON‘S FOOLISHNESS. GORDON THEN LEAVES. MILIBAND AND WIFE LOOK RELIEVED.
WIFE:
Thank heavens for that. I thought he was never going to leave. So, what are your plans for today, David?
MILIBAND:
Oh, Nothing much. This afternoon, I'll be presenting Prime Minister's Question Time. But, before that, I'm going to shag Gordon's wife.
END.
2) MILIBAND DOES PRIME MINISTER'S QUESTION TIME by Mikey J
INT. HOUSE OF COMMONS. DAY.
DAVID MILIBAND STANDS UP TO ADDRESS THE HOUSE.
MILIBAND:
And, yes, Mr Speaker. The Right Honourable Gentleman is correct. I do think he's a jumped-up slimey git and a disgrace to the Conservative Party. And yes. I have heard of Nick Clegg. I do believe he works here, selling ice creams during the interval.
GORDON BROWN WALKS ON, LOOKING SHOCKED.
GORDON:
Miliband. What are you doing?
MILIBAND:
Sorry, Gordon. I'm a bit busy right now. I'm in the middle of Prime Minister's Question Time.
GORDON:
Why the hell are you doing it? It's the job of the Prime Minister.
MILIBAND:
Is it? What makes you say that?
GORDON:
There's a clue in the title, Miliband. Prime Minister's Question Time.
MILIBAND:
Your point being?
GORDON:
Oh, for God's sake. I'm the Prime Minister, so I should be doing it, not you.
MILIBAND:
Relax, Gordon. I was just keeping your seat warm for you.
GORDON SITS DOWN NEXT TO MILIBAND.
GORDON:
Hey, for a minute there, I thought you were after my job.
MILIBAND:
No, don't be silly, Gordon.
GORDON AND MILIBAND LAUGH AT GORDON‘S FOOLISHNESS.
MILIBAND THEN LOOKS AT GORDON.
MILIBAND:
Tell you what. Your wife don't half go.
MILIBAND BENDS HIS ARM, PUTTING HIS HAND IN THE INSIDE ELBOW, SIGNIFYING THE SIGN OF SEX.
END.
