SCENE ONE. INT. HOSPITAL. DAY.
DOCTORS GREG AND JUSTIN ARE TALKING IN A HALLWAY.
DR. GREG:
Well, Justin, today's the day. Humanity has officially run out of DNA.
DR. JUSTIN:
What?
DR. GREG:
So many people have now been born that every possible DNA sequence has been used.
DR. JUSTIN:
That's not how DNA works, Greg.
DR. GREG (defensive):
Yes it is.
DR. JUSTIN:
It's genuinely not.
DR. GREG (hushed):
Look, this is fiction.
DR. JUSTIN:
Right.
DR. GREG:
You know what this means, though, don't you?
DR. JUSTIN:
Yes. In fact, no.
DR. GREG:
It means that every person born from now on will be a genetic clone of someone from the past.
DR. JUSTIN:
Bloody hell. What are you telling me? There'll be more gays?
DR. GREG:
… No. No, but with DNA testing, we can finally answer the age-old debate about what makes us who we are: "nature" or "nurture?"
DR. JUSTIN:
So – was Mozart born a genius –
DR. GREG:
- Or did he become one? Indeed.
DR. JUSTIN (amazed):
Wow. I'm going for a piss.
DR. GREG (smiles):
I'll join you.
SCENE TWO. INT. HOSPITAL. DAY.
DOCTOR JUSTIN IS STANDING IN AN EMPTY WARD, WEARING A VACANT EXPRESSION. DOCTOR GREG APPROACHES HIM.
DR. GREG:
Justin – we've got one! The first baby to be born with recycled DNA in this hospital is genetically identical to Attila the Hun.
DR. JUSTIN:
That's incredibly unlikely.
DR. GREG:
It's not unlikely in fiction.
DR. JUSTIN:
Really. How do you even know Attila's DNA sequence?
DR. GREG:
Blood tests and time travel.
DR. JUSTIN:
… Mmhn. So, who's monitoring him? The paediatrician?
DR. GREG:
No, she – she can't. She's, erm, dead.
DR. JUSTIN:
Oh, right. Frustrating. What about Matron?
SMOKE STARTS TO APPEAR IN THE HALLWAY.
DR. GREG:
She's been burned.
DR. JUSTIN:
Has she. The nursing staff?
DR. GREG:
They've been pillaged like small towns.
FLAMES CAN BE SEEN IN THE BACKGROUND.
DR. JUSTIN:
Are there any other hospital employees alive apart from us?
DR. GREG:
There's the janitor.
DR. JUSTIN:
Oh –
DR. GREG:
But he's joined Baby Attila's Hunnic horde.
ARROWS FLY ACROSS THE SCREEN, NARROWLY MISSING THE DOCTORS.
DR. JUSTIN:
Ah. Oh dear.
DR. GREG (sheepish):
Mmm. (Brighter) On a positive note, though, we've got our answer.
THE WARD IS ABLAZE.
DR. JUSTIN:
Looks like it's "nature", eh?
DR. GREG:
Exactly.
A JAVELIN CRASHES INTO DOCTOR GREG'S BACK; HE COLLAPSES.
DR. JUSTIN:
Debate concluded. Good.
SFX: HORSE HOOVES AND WAR CRIES OOV. THE CEILING CAVES IN; DOCTOR JUSTIN IS LOST IN THE INFERNO.
FIN.
