lol, 
i did question my reply as i wasn't 100% 
Posties - sitcom/comedy drama Page 2
Cheers Random, good luck with the rest of the script.
thx mate,
intend on postin up bits n' bobs as and when
Sorry to be a downer but sitcom or drama is based on character. What you have here is a scene of a postman peering through the letter box at someone having a wank. As a postie I imagine this is based on a true story, either real or true in the urban legend sense. If you want to take the real experiences from your work and shape them into something someone will have want to take up, you have to apply some craft to it. It's the sort of anecdote that will have people spluttering perhaps into their pints as it's a 'true' story. But in scriptwriting it has to be more than a true story. A sculptor takes a lump of raw clay and shapes it into an aesthetically pleasing object, a writer takes the raw clay of true life and fashions a story. A story isn't a random sequence of events. It's a sequence of events that have significance overall and of particular significance to the main character.
So the question you ask is should you include the scene.
THe answer is no: Firstly because it has nothing to do with character. You have not put Deano in a dilemma. He has no decisions to make. He is a cipher in it. HE could be anybody looking through the letterbox at someone having a wank.
Secondly because looking through the letterbox at someone having a wank isn't particularly funny in and of itself when you put it on screen, unles it has some contextual significance which in this presentation it doesn't.
Thirldy because it is a little crudely done, the joke being about someone having a J Arthur to R&J. Well sorry it doesn;t work for me, or the Krankies. It's a good rule of thumb in sitcoms and drama not to get comedy knocking other people and other shows.
Fourthy and the main reason is that there are at least two people who have talked about a show around posties on this forum, you may be the third, you may be one of the two. However, rest assured that the idea is not a unique one, there will have been many, many, many submissions to the people who read these things about a postman based sitcom comedy/drama. So you have a very hard job to make yours stand out and be taken seriously, a unique selling point to borrow the language of Pete. What that USP will be is not the fact that you yourself have been/are a postman (trust me they really will not care) but that you have an original take coming from CHARACTER and PREMISE which is aside from the SITUATION. What you have here is exactly the sort of anecdotal scene that they will have seen countless times before.
So good luck with the script but I'd advise against this scene.
PS Talking of anecdotal, I fancy Dolly D's stroyline might have been based on someone who lives very close to her.
many, many thx marc p
good reply and again got me thinking, so thx
understand where your coming from on this however it's a simple short scene which if nothing else gives a snap shot insight on day to day life and all that is seen, its not intended to be no more than that other than raise a smile to who ever finds it funny
mmmmmmmm.
left a little unsure......... taking time to digest.
thx again
ps/ was the window not letter box
Marc P is absolutely right.
To be honest, I criticised it as a separate piece. However, looking at it as a scene within a sitcom - it should be cut.
Come to think of it; perhaps this is why a lot of producers/script editors stick with agents/in house writers and the 'no unsolicited scripts' rule.
been thinking whilst cooking tea!
as yes Mr Marc P you are correct, thx for pointing it out
i guess its easy to get swept along with something that you feel is funny regardless
rule of thumb should be: if the scene don't move the story on then the scene shouldn't exist
and like you say it doesn't, so it won't be included................................... unless it can be incorporated in a genuine way.
but surely it raised a wee smile........ didn't it
thx again!
Quote: random @ September 17 2008, 4:18 PM BSTbut surely it raised a wee smile........ didn't it
Quote: 'its easy to get swept along' - Random, September 17 2008.
Random,
Yes a scene should move the story on or we should learn something more about their character. Or, in a sitcom, just be funny. But you have to be careful about that for one man's meat is another man's poison. And if I am brutally honest it didn't raise a smile for me because a man having a wank watching TV isn't funny to me, I didn't believe the Richard and Judy stuff which was compounded with the Krankies tape which the postie was 'conveniently' able to see. That kind of farce needs to be really cleverly set up for it to work, for me anyway... One FOot in the Grave used to do this brillintly. Things have to be at stake for it to be funny. The cheeky chappie seeing the sexy goings on through the window was kind of old fashioned when The confessions films tried to revise the old George Formby chestnut.
I'm not saying the scene couldn't be made to work, it just needs more than your actor acting out an anecdote.
That said, I have had a bit of a migraine today!
And well done for posting! (Absolutely no pun intended)
It's a funny scene, and some good ideas.
But as a sitcom scene it's to context free to really judge it.
do agree with:
a scene should move the story on or
we should learn something more about their character. Or,
in a sitcom, just be funny.
totally agree it doesn't move the story on or open up the character in any way .............. however, despite yourself not being in agreement i do personally believe it to be funny.
that i can't help. it amuses me
and i can only back this up with that i'm out to follow my own gut feeling as apposed to try and appeal to everybody.
please don't think i'm being funny or anything as i'm not.
as the scene won't appear unless it can be incorporated in a genuine way
I pretty much agree with all that Marc P says. You should listen to him. He dishes out good advice.
It does seem more like a sketch at the minute. In a longer piece it may have more context, but at the moment it doesn't. If it doesn't have any context to a bigger picture, then it is in essence a waste of a scene. Each scene should move the story on. It's fine to have a little diversion in a scene, but not to take over the whole story.
totally agree.
and his advice and that of others shall be taken onboard
if this scene can't be used effectively it won't be used at all regardless of how funny i think it may be
No pain, no gain!
Can a wanking scene ever be funny?
I had a scene once where two people were waiting in a guy's walk-in closet, ready to jump out and surprise him on his birthday, but the guy locked his door, started cracking one out, and they had to stay in there silently all night because of the embarrassment of the situation.
I didn't finish that script, because crude humour reminds me of 'gimme, gimme, gimme'. It was a dangerously thin line to tread!