Yeah, methinks I ought to do some researchy-poos.
NewsRevue again! Page 22
By the way, is it just me, or is the news crap at the moment? I don't have the heart to write yet another Sarah Palin or Gordon Brown sketch. I wish something new would happen.
Rudy Giuliani shouting "Drill, baby, drill!" had potential, I thought.
Ha.
Mike Ashley puts Newcastle up for sale. 
Don't know if this has potential, I just wanted to say it again.
David Icke is basically his John The Baptist figure, isn't he?
News stories for you lazy Bandage.
1 GWB gives US army free hand to operate in Pakistan inspite of objection by democratic Pakistani government.
2 Britain has a hugely succesful swimmer in paralympics whose jsut 13 and a midget.
3 Cameron abandons pledge to continue Labor spending plans.
4 Condi Rice chatting up Col Gadaffi a flatulent dictator who made a half arsed apology for Lockerbie.
5 Millions of civil servants planning massive winter of discontent style strikes (see the ones that herladed Thatcher coming to power).
6 Zimbabwe to have power sharing deal after Mbeki does the right thing at last.
7 Is Kim Jung Il dead, whose holding the nuclear buttons?
8 Rubbish government plan to help the old and cold. You need to freeze for a week before you'll get any dosh.
9 Enviromental change such an iminent threat that protestors who wrecked power station let off the hook. 2 stories there, one being if you consider some thing a threat you can destroy it.
10 Venezeula hosting Russian atomic bombers, is this Cuba all over again?
11 South African who promoted use of vitamins to cure AIDS may go to prison. Didn't Prince Twat Charles suggest something similar?
12 Massive shortage of head teachers, as shitty academies gobble them up. Who'll replace them?
13 Endless accusations of racism in senior levels of policing.
14 Government to force out all none billionaire guest workers after 4 years.
15 Women in Italu may go to prison for calling Pope a homophobe and saying he's going to hell.
That's with out reading todays paper and just from memory.
Lazy boy.
Lazy? Lazy? You can't even be arsed to read today's paper!
They're all yours I'm on sabbatical from being funny for a bit.
You sod. There's no way I can write a sketch about ANY of those subjects now without looking like a chump.
Why?
"Here he comes, that Bandage. He'd be nothing without sootyj, you know. Also, he smells."
Ooh missed that one Griff!
16 Euro tunnel fire and airlines cloisng all over Europe.
Newest holiday ideas, make a raft and sail somewhere. Or maybe just stay at home and tut at the poor bastards.
Or perhaps Pete Docherty used tunnel as a giant bong?
Stop it!