The wife and I will be Dublin next week which could degenerate into sordid shenanigans if I'm not careful. We've managed launch our brood at an unsuspecting relative so we'll be alone at night for the first time in a while.
I would like to know interesting suggestions on how to avoid becoming a family a six. Protection against all forms of sexual depravity considered as long I'm allowed to keep a hand free to hold me beer.
Hmm purchase one ticket to Alaska.
Have sex, wait 9 months have baby, fly to Alaska.
Leave baby in basket at Sarah Palin's house.
With a note saying.
"Property of Bristol's channel, the loose knickered tart,"
Hey presto off your hands.
being alone at night with the wife is risky indeed.
*shivers*
*shivers*?
Ah, great idea - I can pretend to have an unpleasant disease or skin complaint.
Recommendations for illnesses also accepted
I find that I just have to say, "I'm feeling a bit tired, how about you dear?" and the look of relief on the wife's face says it all!
I'm good to my wife, I don't go home very often!
She's got a badge that reads: "Klu Klux Wives - the only good husband's a dead husband!"
Happily married? I'll say..
May I be the first to recommend anal sex?
She won't get pregnant, it's more pleasant than you might think, and your arse'll be fine as long as she doesn't ram the dildo in too hard.
You need to get smart here guys. If you really dont want sex then I would suggest asking your wife if she would like to have sex, she is bound to disagree letting you off the hook
If your wife/partner decides to call your bluff and starts to undress may I suggest the following line...
"Have you put on a few pounds recently?"
Job done.
Perry's got it pegged down.
Pull out just before. 
I heard from a 14 year old chav it apparently works.
Tell her that you have just asked all-and-sundry on the internet, advice on your private sex life. Let us know what she says!
Quote: EllieJP @ September 12 2008, 9:55 AM BSTPull out just before.
I heard from a 14 year old chav it apparently works.
Did he manage to?
A young idiot that I used to work with once boasted that he'd done 'it' six times one night, but that he'd only worn a condom the first time. He thought, somehow, that this would be alright. But it wasn't. He's a daddy now.
Quote: Perry Nium @ September 12 2008, 2:39 AM BSTMay I be the first to recommend anal sex?
Quote: EllieJP @ September 12 2008, 9:55 AM BSTPull out just before.
I heard from a 14 year old chav it apparently works.
Q. What do you call somebody who uses the 'rhythm method'?
A. Daddy.
This was the sex education that I received at school, and it obviously worked because I still remember it!
Yup. It's a load of rubbish.
Slipping it up her arse is the best route.