WELFARE BACK TO WORK PARALYMPICS
by Mikey J
INT. DSS INTERVIEW ROOM. DAY.
DSS WOMAN IS SITTING AT A DESK.
A WHEELCHAIR-BOUND MAN ENTERS.
DSS WOMAN:
Please. Sit down. (LOOKS UP) Oh, you are. (SNIGGERS)
MAN:
(OFFENDED) I beg your pardon.
DSS WOMAN:
Never mind that, never mind. Now, do you understand how our Welfare Back To Work scheme works?
MAN:
Er… not sure. I've heard something about it, but…
DSS WOMAN:
Basically, we're getting people who we feel shouldn't be receiving benefits back to work. I'm sorry, but we're going to have to stop your Disability Allowance.
MAN:
What? Why? Surely you can see I'm disabled.
DSS WOMAN:
Not from where I was sitting the other night. There I was, sitting on the sofa with my lesbian lover, watching the Paralympics on the TV, when I saw you win a race and get a gold medal.
MAN:
Yeah, so?
DSS WOMAN:
If you can do that, you can go and get yourself a job, you lazy bastard.
MAN:
I can't believe you just said that.
DSS WOMAN:
You should be like my neighbour. He's disabled, but he still goes to work. He doesn't sit at home all say, draining the benefits system, thinking the whole world owes him a living.
MAN:
Nor do I. I might not be able to walk, but I'm a hard-working sportsman.
DSS WOMAN:
Yes, but being a sportsman isn't a proper job, is it? Doesn't earn you any money. My neighbour on the other hand, he's got no arms, no legs and no head. Nothing but a torso. Yet I see him bouncing along every morning, heading for his 9 to 5 factory job.
MAN:
How on earth can he possibly work?
DSS WOMAN:
Dedication.
END.
