Tommy inspired sketch

Bit of an experiment. Had the idea from Tommy's sketch. Unsure. Might be rancid, might be sad. Might not be funny. But don't let that put you off...

INT. HOME – DAY
MUM & TIM (about 6)

TIM (Bouncing around excitedly)
Mummy Mummy! When I grow up I want to be just like Daddy!

MUM
Aww, that's sweet dear, but I don't think Daddy wants you to do what he does. How about becoming a Lawyer? Or an Doctor? Your Uncle Derek is a Doctor, don't you want to be like him?

TIM
But I want to be in the Paras too!
Not a retard Doctor like uncle Derek.

MUM
But you can't do what Daddy does.

TIM
Why noooot!? Dad goes around in a tank, and people in the street are afraid to look him in the eye in case he nukes them and he goes away and fights for his country and he's got loads of medals for fighting for his country!

MUM
(Kindly) No, Tim. You can't do what Daddy does. He's a Paralympian. It's not a tank. It's a wheelchair. People don't want to look at him because they feel bad for him. He races for his country. But he's really cool – he's won loads of medals. You just can't do what he does. You need a disability.

TIM
Whaaaat!? He's not a Paratrooper? But I want to blow stuff up when I'm older. Even loser Uncle Derek kills people.

MUM
Yes, dear. He's got a borderline personality disorder.

I quite liked this. The dialogue flowed well. I think however you should look at ending it here. After this just seemed a bit pointless, and didn't really add anything.

Quote: Rob0 @ September 9 2008, 8:28 PM BST

INT. HOME – DAY
MUM & TIM (about 6)

TIM (Bouncing around excitedly)
Mummy Mummy! When I grow up I want to be just like Daddy!

MUM
Aww, that's sweet dear, but I don't think Daddy wants you to do what he does. How about becoming a Lawyer? Or an Doctor? Your Uncle Derek is a Doctor, don't you want to be like him?

TIM
But I want to be in the Paras too!
Not a retard Doctor like uncle Derek.

MUM
But you can't do what Daddy does.

TIM
Why noooot!? Dad goes around in a tank, and people in the street are afraid to look him in the eye in case he nukes them and he goes away and fights for his country and he's got loads of medals for fighting for his country!

MUM
(Kindly) No, Tim. You can't do what Daddy does. He's a Paralympian. It's not a tank. It's a wheelchair.

View original

The end jars a little.

I'd go for but uncle Derek kills people.

Yes dear he's got a borderline personality disorder.

Otherwise top stuff.

Thanks for the comments.

I think I can safely assume the end needs fixing. I think it was probably a bit self-indulgent (and right after saying the same about your G Bush in the poo sketch Soooty, too.)

Quote: sootyj @ September 10 2008, 5:20 PM BST

I'd go for but uncle Derek kills people.

Yes dear he's got a borderline personality disorder.

View original

I'm assuming the point of the gag is Tim already has that nutjob aspect to his personality hence it's only a small step to being like Uncle Derek. Otherwise she wouldn't have previously suggested being like him in the first place.

I wanted to try to keep the mum's kindly speech in as it's a little moral. And the alternatives I came up with were a little crass.

I've edited to account for suggstions. Or should I trim it as far as Wayne suggested?

Quote: Rob0 @ September 10 2008, 8:00 PM BST

Thanks for the comments.

I think I can safely assume the end needs fixing. I think it was probably a bit self-indulgent (and right after saying the same about your G Bush in the poo sketch Soooty, too.)

I'm assuming the point of the gag is Tim already has that nutjob aspect to his personality hence it's only a small step to being like Uncle Derek. Otherwise she wouldn't have previously suggested being like him in the first place.

I wanted to try to keep the mum's kindly speech in as it's a little moral. And the alternatives I came up with were a little crass.

I've edited to account for suggstions. Or should I trim it as far as Nigel suggested?

View original

You can trim it as far as Wayne Lewis suggested Rob0

Oops - must've seen your name on the board from commenting on Eggie's. Have set the record straight.

I loved it.

Well, we're all slowly sinking into that pit of depravity.

I wonder how low we'll all go.

With Sooty's suggestion incorporated, this is very funny. Nice work, Rob0.