I know it's a bit long, but it's not meant for NewsRevue or Treason.
It would suit TV or radio.
SEX CHANGE by Mikey J
INT. DOCTOR'S CONSULTING ROOM. DAY.
A DOCTOR IS SITTING AT A DESK. A MAN ENTERS THE ROOM AND SITS OPPOSITE HIM.
MAN:
Hello, Doctor.
DOCTOR:
Hello. What can I do for you today?
MAN:
I'd like to become a woman please.
DOCTOR:
A woman?
MAN:
Yes, within the next half hour, if that's not too short notice.
DOCTOR:
Don't be silly. I can't turn you into a woman within the next half hour.
MAN:
Why not? You're a doctor, aren't you?
DOCTOR:
Yes, but it's not quite the same as giving you a vaccine, or cupping your bollocks and getting you to cough when you come in with a headache.
MAN:
Isn't it?
DOCTOR:
No. It's a big operation.
MAN:
No, I doubt it. I've only got a small cock. Won't take long just to lop it off.
MAN EXTENDS HIS LITTLE FINGER, WIGGLES IT ABOUT, THEN PERFORMS AN AMUSING SNIPPING SCIZZORS GESTURE WITH HIS OTHER HAND.
DOCTOR:
No, no, no. I meant it's a major operation. Much more than just lopping it off. It would require months of hormone therapy, plus your penis would have to be cut open and turned inside out to make the… well… the womany bits.
MAN:
Ugh. Don't like the sound of that. Wait a minute. With an inside-out penis, how on earth would I urinate? I'd be literally pissing myself inside.
DOCTOR:
You'd urinate the same way all women do. The same place as they crap. Out of their arses. Don't you know anything?
MAN:
Oh, I see.
DOCTOR:
Why on earth did you want to beome a woman in such short notice anyway? What's the rush?
MAN:
Well, I was reading the lonely hearts page in my local newspaper. There was this guy that I wanted to date.
DOCTOR:
So, I take it you're gay, then?
MAN:
No, I'm straight. He just sounded really nice, that's all.
DOCTOR:
I see. Go on.
MAN:
Trouble is, he said in his ad that he was only looking for women, hence the reason I need to become a bird very quickly.
DOCTOR:
Oh, you silly oaf. If you'd have turned the page, you'd have found a section on women looking for men. You don't need to have a sex change.
MAN:
(FOOLISH, RELIEVED LAUGH) Oh, I see. Silly me. Phew, that was close. Sorry to have troubled you, Doctor.
BOTH MEN STAND UP AND SHAKE HANDS.
DOCTOR:
Not to worry. Is there anything else I can help you with?
MAN:
Yes, I've got a bit of a headache.
DOCTOR CUPS THE MAN'S GROIN.
DOCTOR:
Okay, cough please.
END.
