Now that's what I call topical 233,444,567

1

DARLING AND GORDON ARE TALKING AT BREAKFAST.

GORDON

Morning Darling.

DARLING

Morning Golden Brown, ooh look the US has had to nationalise their giant mortgage companies.

GORDON

Northern Rollocks.

DARLING

Why upset?

GORDON

Erm no reason.

DARLING

You remortgaged the UK, haven't you?

GORDON

We were 800 billion in debt, I had to sell the Big Issue at the last G8 conference. May be we'll get lucky and they'll write the mortgage off.

RICHARD BRANSON WALKS ON.

RICHARD

Not likely, I'm billionaire beardy arse hole Richard Branson, and I declare this country Virgin territory.

2

BRITNEY SPEARS AND JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE ADRESS THE AUDIENCE.

BRITNEY

Hi I'm Britney.

JUSTIN

And I'm Justin and we're here to tell you about how the Disney corporation is going to run the US's newest museum.

BRITNEY

Abu Gharib prison!

JUSTIN

It'll shock and awe you.

BRITNEY

Yes at Disney Land Endless Occupation, we'll hit you one more time or until you confess.

JUSTIN

Climb the pyramid of naked detainees.

BRITNEY

And everybody gets to ride the waterboards.

JUSTIN

Coming soon Shock and Awe land Cuba.

BRITNEY

And don't worry about crowded airports, you'll never see one with Rendition airlines hooded class.

JUSTIN AND BRITNEY TOGETHER.

Shock and Awe land coming to a country near you sooner than you think.

3

POPE BENEDICT IS SNGING TO HIMSELF WHEN ONE OF HIS ADVISERS COMES IN.

BENEDICT

Like a virgin, touch it for the very first time, like a virgin ooh yes please.

ADVISER

Why so happy your holiness?

BENEDICT

I just saw on the news, Madonna is dedicating a nice virign to me. Ooh I hope it's a pretty one with blond hair and a tight..

ADVISER

Your holiness! It's actually a song comparing religious experience to sexual experience.

BENEDICT

How bloody rude! Don't she know who I am, I am Pope Benny!

ADVISER

You'd think she'd understand. You're both old, both have millions of fans, you've got the same kooky dress sense.

BENEDICT

And aparently neither of us f**k Guy Ritchie.

Sketch 1's a bit sootyj on auto pilot. But I think Sketch 2 borders on genius.

Thanks, and watch out for the talking lion.

I think he's a christian fundamentalist.

Quote: sootyj @ September 8 2008, 8:22 AM BST

GORDON
We were 800 billion in debt, I had to sell the Big Issue at the last G8 conference.

View original

I really liked this line because that would lend itself to a different angle for a Big Issue sketch with Gordon Brown as a man down on his luck - which he is - selling it with his dog at his feet, as is quite common for a Big Issue seller. In this case, however, the dog is a bitch and Gordon's bitch is Darling.

By the sound of Darling, he's no one's bitch.

This is some good stuff, Joel. (1) is clever, (2) is superb, and (3) is lost on me topic-wise, but I really like the penultimate line.

2 rocks!

Number 2 was very good. I see it as a Simpsons scene set to the magical Disney music.

Thanks glad every one likes 2, horribly it seems to me to be the most likely.

3 is a minor news story, Madona has dedicated Like a Virgin to the Pope.

Ooh madam how very controversial! You Kabalism worshiping old has been.

So I thought faced with the question "Like a Virgin,"

Benny's most likely response would, be yes please!

Him and his cabal of discreet nuns, and handsome "secretaries."

'Everybody get's to ride the waterboards' is a bizzare and brilliant thing to say.

This is reinforcing the depressing realisation that my hit ratio for decent sketches is about 1 in 20.

Roughly the same odds a Kamikaze's it took to sink a US destroyer.

Japan lost the war!

You are on a 40 a day sketch habit though.

Perhaps a lead in, for a very bad version of Trainspotting.

Choose comedy, choose a well executed punchline.....

First ones the best good bit of original topical twist... I liked it - The virgin thing I bet isn't used very often.

I liked 'em all. Actually laughed a lot at 3, and 1 was good - like the line "you've remortgaged the UK haven't you" and the walk-on Branson. 2 was certainly damn clever.

Either I'm in a happy mood or you've written 3 very nice sketches indeed.