Shop Sketch Sketch

PART ONE

FX: SHOP DOOR OPENING & CLOSING WITH JANGLE OF BELL

MAN: Hello shopkeeper, I'd like a newspaper and a bar of chocolate please.

SHOPKEEPER: Ummm… You do realise that this is a comedy sketch don't you Sir?

MAN: How do you mean?

SHOPKEEPER: If you go into a shop in a comedy sketch, you're supposed to ask for something whimsical or be trying to return an item for an outrageous reason, that style of thing.

MAN: I'm not sure I understand.

SHOPKEEPER: Well, you come into the shop and say something terribly clever and amusing such as, "I'd like to buy a vague but palpable sense of disappointment please," or, "I'd like to return this charcoal, it's the wrong colour." Then we engage in some witty banter and much hilarity ensues.

MAN: And people laugh at that do they?

SHOPKEEPER: Very popular with student revues, so I'm told.

MAN: I don't actually have a sense of humour, I'm afraid. I wouldn't be very good at that sort of thing.

SHOPKEEPER: That's OK sir, your increasing frustration at being unable to obtain the goods and/or services you require just adds to the comedic tension.

MAN: So I can't just buy a newspaper and a chocolate bar?

SHOPKEEPER: I'm afraid not, these ones are just props. You'll need to go in the newsagent round the corner.

MAN: OK. I'll do that. But I suppose I might pop back at lunchtime to try some whimsy.

SHOPKEEPER: Very good sir, see you later.

FX: SHOP DOOR OPENING & CLOSING WITH JANGLE OF BELL

PART TWO

FX: SHOP DOOR OPENING & CLOSING WITH JANGLE OF BELL

MAN: Hello shopkeeper, I'd like to buy a vague but palpable sense of disappointment please.

SHOPKEEPER: I'm afraid this is a greengrocer Sir. The comedy sketch shop is two doors down.

MAN: Oops. Sorry.

FX: SHOP DOOR OPENING & CLOSING WITH JANGLE OF BELL

PART THREE

FX: SHOP DOOR OPENING & CLOSING WITH JANGLE OF BELL

MAN: Hello shopkeeper, I wish to register a complaint.

SHOPKEEPER: Can I just stop you there Sir? I notice you're carrying a dead parrot in a cage. I'm afraid that's rather old hat as far as whimsical shop sketches go.

MAN: Really? Only I was discussing it with some colleagues at work and they assured me this would be absolutely side-splitting.

SHOPKEEPER: It was very funny in 1969. But it's too well known to get away with ripping off here Sir. I think your colleagues may have been having a little joke at your expense.

MAN: Oh, that's a shame. They did suggest a couple of other things I could try.

SHOPKEEPER: I hope they didn't suggest asking for a hilarious list of cheeses, none of which I have in stock?

MAN: Ah…

SHOPKEEPER: I see. Perhaps shop sketches aren't really your sort of thing after all Sir.

MAN: No, I suppose not. (BEAT) I didn't want to be in comedy sketches anyway. I wanted to be…a lumberjack!

SHOPKEEPER: Out!

MAN: Oh.

FX: SHOP DOOR OPENING & CLOSING WITH JANGLE OF BELL

You've been away for an age and you return with this knowing piece of surreal genius.

Maybe the final guy comes in and says "Is this a cheese shop," and the shop keepers shoots him.

But this is really, good, funny clever stuff.

You should go away more often. Brilliant.

Nice references. It's well written, and quite likeable, but I can't decide whether it's funny.

EDIT: looks like sootyj and Bandage have decided it is; overruled.

Cheers guys. Been a bit hectic at work and been away. This only really got written because my pencil broke halfway through my sudoku on the train this morning.

I love it when an idea just pops into my head. It saves so much effort.

EDIT: I know what you mean Tommy. I've only just written this. I had the idea about an hour and a half ago on the train and wrote it in my tea break just now. I'll probably play with it and try to fit a couple of gags in without ruining the style.

Quote: Tommy Power @ September 4 2008, 10:14 AM BST

Nice references. It's well written, and quite likeable, but I can't decide whether it's funny.

EDIT: looks like sootyj and Bandage have decided it is; overruled.

View original

Do you wanna another scarlet letter?

You're right Afikawan, all my best skits just appear fully formed.

Tres bonne. I like very much.

First sketch: move

MAN:
And people laugh at that do they?

SHOPKEEPER:
Very popular with student revues, so I'm told.

a couple of lines further down, as it's a subdued joke and the first joke needs to be stronger. It's fine for an 'extra' a bit further down though.

Also, in part three, have him pull out a piece of paper when he says 'they suggested a couple of other things I could try' and then use the rule of three later on (as you only have two items):

SHOPKEEPER:
I hope they didn't suggest asking for a hilarious list of cheeses, none of which I have in stock?

MAN:
Ah… well okay (CHECKS PIECE OF PAPER) how about 'Do you have any... wait for it... fork handles?'

All very good though. Well done.

Dan

Quote: sootyj @ September 4 2008, 10:33 AM BST

Do you wanna another scarlet letter?

View original

I may not want another, but they will doubtless come.

I liked this, Mr I'll Think Of One.

However, what sort of show would you see it fitting into? Comedy obsessives will get it, but I fear it's beauty could be lost on many others.

swrytd - Cheers. I've moved those lines, I think you were right. I originally had them a bit further through and putting them back there does look better. Not sure about throwing in 4 candles though, it might dilute the Python purity in the third section. If I can think of a few others or maybe another punchline so there's more variety of sources, I might do that.

Winterlight - I think enough people will have seen/heard funny shop sketches to get this one. I don't think there's anything particularly obscure in there.

Actually I was about to punt it at the second series of Play & Record. Rough Cuts might like it too. If not it will go in my one-day-when-I-have-my-own-series file. It's not really the sort of sketch that's likely to date.

I reckon it's good for Play & Record.

Dan

They're well written and I do like them but I see Winterlight's point.

Writing sketches about comedy is like writing films about film making. It's a huge turn off for producers because it shows the writer isn't thinking outside of their own limited world.

There's another thing counting against your sketch getting made too and that's that no matter how ubiquitous you might think the parrot sketch is, there's a whole generation out there who have no idea who or what Monty Python is.

It will likely be a good fit for radio though (information Winterlight wasn't privy to) as the over 50's will certainly be familiar with Python, shop gags and older comedy in general.

There was a similar-ish sketch in tone on an episode of 'The Young Ones', albeit much shorter, where Alexei Sayle goes in to a shop asking 'Is this a cheese shop' and Rik Mayall says no, it isn't. 'Well that's that sketch knackered then, isn't it', replies Sayle. He also walked into the shop ala Cleese /silly walks.

This probably isn't terribly helpful, but it's what it reminded me of.

FWIW I think this is really, really good.
I can easily imagine it slipping into Little Britain's 'Shopkeeper' series.
Weave 'Margaret!' into it, maybe...
Anyway, very funny.

Well written, very funny sketch which is extremely Pythonesque. I regard it as a tribute. John lucas 101, reminded me of the similar Young Ones sketch which I was struggling to recall.

These combined actor/writer/stand-up groups often write (let's face it) self-indulgent stuff which works 'cos they're very close, practically family and a lot of the time 'write' via improvisation. Therefore (with respect!), I doubt that this type of sketch, written by a non-commissioned, not 'family' writer would get past the postal room!

Quote: David Bussell @ September 4 2008, 3:00 PM BST

as the over 50's will be familiar with Python, shop gags and older comedy in general.

View original

You don't look over 50, David!!