Choc off.

A MAN IS TALKING TO HIS BOSS.

BOSS

Kevin you've been a Chocalateer at Bradbury's Ray of Sunshine confectionaries for 6 months now. I'd like to talk to you about your new range.

MAN

Bully for you?

BOSS

Yes Bully for you, a lovely expression. But not truly fitting for a collection of chocolate flavoured laxatives, hallucinogens and orange creams.

MAN

Orange is particularly unpleasant.

BOSS

Now to be plain, this is a range intended for a victim of bullying to give to his tormentor.

MAN

It's a legitimate market.

BOSS

And a litigous one, which brings me to "This'll teacha'" for pupils to give to teachers I assume?

MAN

Yes as a way of showing your feelings at the end of the year.

BOSS

What feelings does a collection of short breads containing; hazelnuts, chocolate chips and semtex express?

MAN

Feelings of anger and inadequacy. At being bullied ceaselessly and the teacher thrashing you for being weak. Then telling your darling mummy, it's her fault for making you girlish. Why did you leave us daddy, why?

BOSS

Kevin you're a great chocalateer, but terrible, weak man. I can see I'm going to keep an eye on you from here on in, put the hard word on you.

MAN

Would you like a chocolate sir?

BOSS

Don't mind if I do, I say this is quite nice. What range is it?

MAN

Milk Slay.

or alternate punch,

MAN

Little choc o' horrors or Death by chocolate or near-to-vomit-tans

What? It's an attempt to write something a bit cleaner for a daytime audience.

I mean it may not be hilarious, but at least it's clean.

You know I never write anything I don't consider to be funny.

I think my tastes may just be broad to the point of madness.

I also like repetition it's the cornerstone of much good comedy.

Comedy after all requiring extensive preconceived concepts.

Wow! The above conversation is genius. Just make that a sketch.

Quote: Griff @ August 27 2008, 4:43 PM BST

Am I the only one who finds it mindboggling to read expert-sounding analysis like this after a sketch with the punchline "Milk Slay"?

View original

Punchine I suppose it's a bit weak, is the rest sound? The original was

Your my Boss, but not for much longer.

or

Sweet (beat) hereafter.

Quote: Griff @ August 27 2008, 4:12 PM BST

F**k's sake.

View original

Instead of 'Milk Slay'. That'll do it.

Quote: sootyj @ August 27 2008, 4:14 PM BST

What? It's an attempt to write something a bit cleaner for a daytime audience.

I mean it may not be hilarious, but at least it's clean.

View original

MURDER IS CLEAN?! IS THERE NO END TO YOUR DEPRAVITY?!

I didn't say it killed him.

I was thinking more a Crackerjack style

wa wa waaa

With Stu Francis staring worriedly into camera.

I meant to imply it had an unspecified bad effect.

That's ok then.

But I'll be watching you. Oh yes.

Hey why not check out Sootyj's guide to evil or some of the less savoury treats....

Actually when I joke about dark subjects I'm mocking and disregarding them.

Some one who jokes about nice things is doing the reverse.

They are the ones who mock all thats good in the world...

I think "milk slay" is fine if you then add a sootyj/griff style conversation between the man and his boss about the relative merits of that punchline.

Ouch I retreat, I surrender!

It's the salmon that John West rejects that makes them best.

I genuinely fail to spot my stinkers.

Fancy becoming a double act Griff?

Write Crap and Point Out?