British Comedy Guide

Stand Up Page 2

It's really not worth trying to speak to the audience until you've got your material nailed. And definitely do not try material that needs you to find a specific sort of person in the audience - ie fat.

The stuff you've posted is stunningly unoriginal. If you're going to use those hackneyed subjects then for gods sake make them your own, put a unique twist on them. picking on fat people and ginger people and saying mary lied to joseph... FFS come on. have you ever been to SEE live stand-up?

I suggest you get yourself along to the Comedy Store or somesuch, let me know where you are and I'll recommend a good club near to where you live.

I would echo a lot of the advice on here. Also, please, please (I've seen it too many times) don't reference yourself doing comedy or doing it badly. It's not worth it. If you do get a laugh from it then it's just cheap and not a proper laugh.

I don't want to be harsh because there's definitely some stuff you can adapt and use from what you've written but you need to go into the gig confident, relaxed and sell yourself as a comedian. Not as someone who thinks the audience already doesn't like them. Try and get someone to film your performance and post it up here again, this board is a really nice but honest and constructive with their feedback (mostly!).

Good luck.

Hi and welcome,

Here are some more ideas, feel free to ignore as I'm neither a standup or particulary funny. Heyho.

TESTING:- Start with questions, 'What is the capital of peru? What is the square root of 1356?' PAUSE, 'Thats not for you ladies and gents...I'm just testing the mic.'

TALL:- I'm tall, the ladies where i live call me the tree top lover...I have sex with trees.

When crouch did that robot dance it was the worst two weeks of my life, I was diagnosed with an STD. A shit, tall dancer. And aids.

POLICE:- The police have never convicted a suicide case. The perfect crime.
They should bring in Dereck Acorah CSI: Creepy scouser investigates.

Quote: jacparov @ August 26 2008, 5:33 PM BST

Hi and welcome,

Here are some more ideas, feel free to ignore as I'm neither a standup or particulary funny. Heyho.

TESTING:- Start with questions, 'What is the capital of peru? What is the square root of 1356?' PAUSE, 'Thats not for you ladies and gents...I'm just testing the mic.'

TALL:- I'm tall, the ladies where i live call me the tree top lover...I have sex with trees.

When crouch did that robot dance it was the worst two weeks of my life, I was diagnosed with an STD. Shit, Tall Dancer. *

POLICE:- The police have never convicted a suicide case. The perfect crime.
They should bring in Dereck Acorah CSI: Creepy Scouser Investigates.

Now that's funny!

*(cut the 'and aids' Eh?)

I have sex with trees. I hug 'em and f**k 'em.

Quote: Morrace @ August 26 2008, 4:12 PM BST

I think it needs cutting. I've edited and added to my favourite bits. Hope it helps.
_________________________________________________________________________________

Is Jesus the son of God or did Mary tell the best lie ever to Joseph as to why she was pregnant
If the Jeremy Kyle show had been created then it would have solved a lot of problems.
"Mary - you are a lying little toe-rag - the DNA test says that ........God..... is the father!"

That's my religious joke done - moving on......
_____________________________________________________________________________

I like that. Go with it.

cheers.

Quote: Morrace @ August 26 2008, 4:12 PM BST

I think it needs cutting. I've edited and added to my favourite bits. Hope it helps.
_________________________________________________________________________________

1,2 1,2,3 I'm not testing the mic I'm just counting the number of people who've walked out already - for Christ's sake hear me out!

If you haven't noticed I'm tall. If a fat guy says to me (POINT AT FAT BLOKE IN AUDIENCE) you, for instance - "You're really tall that's fine - but if I tell HIM "You're really fat, Well, at best it's politically incorrect - at worst, he's sitting on my face!. ( TO FAT BLOKE IN AUDIENCE) Politically incorrect - or sitting on my face? (IN RESPONSE TO ANSWER) You would say that, wouldn't you!

Is Jesus the son of God or did Mary tell the best lie ever to Joseph as to why she was pregnant
If the Jeremy Kyle show had been created then it would have solved a lot of problems.
"Mary - you are a lying little toe-rag - the DNA test says that ........God..... is the father!"

That's my religious joke done - moving on......

It is absolutely impossible to buy presents for ginger people - not that I'd particularly WANT to. You can't please them at all can you? All they want is to go bald. Forget the dream house and car - baldness is what they want. Sex, drugs and anti-balding cream - (TO BALD MAN IN AUDIENCE) - Am I right - or am I right?
_____________________________________________________________________________

Morrace, could you becareful editing someones work and reposting it, this can detract from the original piece.

And frankly, If you're new to stand up, you're shitting yourself just walking on stage, Brian whatever you do interact with the audience as little as possible, unlike your routine this cannot be practiced beforehand, and this may make you have to think on your feet and from experience just blurting out your routine can be hard enough when you're new to it.

Quote: Stuart Laws @ August 26 2008, 5:16 PM BST

I would echo a lot of the advice on here. Also, please, please (I've seen it too many times) don't reference yourself doing comedy or doing it badly. It's not worth it. If you do get a laugh from it then it's just cheap and not a proper laugh.

I don't want to be harsh because there's definitely some stuff you can adapt and use from what you've written but you need to go into the gig confident, relaxed and sell yourself as a comedian. Not as someone who thinks the audience already doesn't like them. Try and get someone to film your performance and post it up here again, this board is a really nice but honest and constructive with their feedback (mostly!).

Good luck.

Filmings good - Just make sure the mic stand isn't in the way Whistling nnocently

Quote: Paul W @ August 26 2008, 9:11 PM BST

Morrace, could you becareful editing someones work and reposting it, this can detract from the original piece.

Quote: Brian H @ August 26 2008, 1:33 PM BST

I've got a feeling my delivery isn't going to be the best so i thought i'd get some feedback on the actual jokes

Quote: Morrace @ August 26 2008, 4:12 PM BST

I think it needs cutting. I've edited and added to my favourite bits. Hope it helps.

Is Jesus the son of God or did Mary tell the best lie ever to Joseph as to why she was pregnant
If the Jeremy Kyle show had been created then it would have solved a lot of problems.
"Mary - you are a lying little toe-rag - the DNA test says that ........God..... is the father!"
That's my religious joke done - moving on......

Quote: Flaner @ August 26 2008, 6:15 PM BST

I like that. Go with it.

= feedback

Or should I have left it at "I think it needs cutting."?
Or told Brian H what I thought needed improvement and not offered alternatives?

Hey - it's not as if I edited a six-episode sitcom!!

Finally - you and I have now BOTH detracted from the original piece with our QUOTE/UNQUOTES!

Hi Brian. I liked some of Morrace's ideas but before i saw Stuart Law's post i was already thinking it can't look good to make jokes about your audience leaving you already or to not have rehearsed your stuff properly so i think i'd definitely strive to look more positive and confident from the off.

Also liked jacparov's opener. I was thinking along the lines of:

1,2. 1,2,3... sorry i'm not testing the mic i'm just recognising people from the sex register office (pretend to notice someone in crowd) Oh hi!!

Or something.

Quote: Beelzebozo @ August 26 2008, 10:35 PM BST

Also liked jacparov's opener. I was thinking along the lines of:

1,2. 1,2,3... sorry i'm not testing the mic i'm just recognising people from the sex register office (pretend to notice someone in crowd) Oh hi!!

F...F...Fun...Funni...Funnier than mine.

I hate saying that.

It depends how it's said I reckon. Hard to say whether it will work or not said to a room full of strangers

Best of luck!!

My stand up:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5-Zq4AkAXg

Just watched your standup Beaumalow, good stuff man.

Quote: Morrace @ August 26 2008, 10:31 PM BST

= feedback

Or should I have left it at "I think it needs cutting."?
Or told Brian H what I thought needed improvement and not offered alternatives?

Hey - it's not as if I edited a six-episode sitcom!!

Finally - you and I have now BOTH detracted from the original piece with our QUOTE/UNQUOTES!

read the critique rules and I was informing you of those rules so I kinda had to detract from the original post slightly.

Enjoy the rest of the thread Wave

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