New Inventors - feedback/re-writes are grand

G'day chums. Incidentally, congratulations on your cricket win overnight.

This one includes a parody of an Aussie tv program, "The New Inventors" - basically involves people bringing on their inventions to be judged by a panel (but I've left the panel out in this version). See http://www.abc.net.au/tv/newinventors/ if you want more info. Not really important, though.

All comments and criticism welcome.

* * *

INT. TV STUDIO. NIGHT.

"The New Inventors"program; TV studio. JAMES O'Loghlin (host) is seated to the right of screen; three chairs have been set up to the left of screen. SFX: studio audience applause.

JAMES:Hello, and welcome to the New Inventors. Tonight though, a twist: we're pleased to have with us three "not-so-new" inventors. They've travelled all the way from the Palaeolithic, so please make them welcome – it's Drog, Ghuk and Umpu!

SFX: studio audience applauds and whistles. Three sturdy figures, DROG, GHUK, and UMPU, sporting matted hair and cloaked in animal skins, enter the studio. They are unnerved by the lights, cameras and audience. Crew technicians usher them into the three unoccupied chairs. They sit; DROG leans a stick against his knees.

JAMESrog, Ghuk, Umpu – welcome to the twenty-first century.

DROG, GHUK and UMPU stare blankly at JAMES.

JAMES:And it's nice to have you here. Okay, now we'll start with you, Drog. What have you brought along?

DROG does not react. JAMES points at the stick; DROG leans forward and grabs JAMES' finger.

JAMES:No. (Wrestles finger free; taps the stick) This. A stick?

DROGMaking a concerted effort) "Steek".

JAMES:Ah, a stick. That's excellent.

DROG:"Steek".

JAMES:How long did it take you to make this, then?

DROG:… "Steek".

JAMES:Mmm. And it's certainly eco-friendly, isn't it? One hundred percent bio-degradable?

DROGThumps stick on floor; glares out into the audience) "Steek"!

JAMES:Yep. Thanks Drog. That's great.

SFX: studio audience applause. DROG is shocked by the sudden noise.

JAMES:A stick, there. Now, Ghuk. What have you got for us?

GHUK is slightly more "intelligent" than DROG. He grins and pulls a piece of twine out from under his skins.

GHUKtring!

JAMESTaking the twine from GHUK) String. That is something. And how did you – how did you make this?

GHUKMakes a "slicing" motion across his belly) I cut.

JAMESGrimaces; holds twine away from his nose) Oh, it's made from intestine. Good.

GHUK:… Cut the… string.

JAMESHands twine back to GHUK) Well – what a useful invention. Ghuk, everybody!

SFX: studio audience applause. JAMES turns to UMPU, who reaches under her skins and removes a sharp, elongated flint tool.

JAMES:Lastly, Umpu. That looks like a pretty nasty weapon. What's your invention?

UMPUGrins and holds up the tool to the audience) … Dildo.

FIN.

I quite liked this. It does drag on a bit though. I liked the punchline at the end, but think it would have worked better if it was a woman caveman (cave woman!!).

Cheers mate... yeah, I might cut it down. Maybe change Umpu's gender too... but possibly they could be so grubby and unkempt that it's impossible to tell?

Another good one, Tommy! This might be of interest to you....

American Inventor is a reality television series based on a search for America's best inventor. It was conceived by UK entrepreneur Peter Jones, who appears on the British version of the somewhat similar programme Dragons' Den. It is produced by Jones alongside Simon Cowell and the producers of American Idol.(from Wikipedia)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dragonsden/

http://www.tv.com/american-inventor/show/53003/summary.html

It think it's a pretty good idea but it should be faster.
Also, there could a caveman carrying a slab covered in complex mathmatical equations to which the host just says "Some kind of surfboard; good. next!" before the caveman can even open their mouth.

Thanks Morrace, Eggie... at some stage I'll quicken it up... though I do have a thing for meandering absurdity (which undoubtedly shows, probably to my detriment).

Edit: and Eggie, I like the mathematical equation thing - I was going to have one of them bring in a prototype wheel but use it as a table-top, but the glaring historical inaccuracy of a palaeolithic wheel was too much for me. Also, the mathematical equations idea has your C/R now...

Oh, wrell naturally you have permission to use any ideas I post on forums.
In fact, you're now legally obliged to.

Write a sketch about a horse with a pancake addiction.

I like this one Tommy. Good punch. Definintely keep it a cavewoman.