First draft of a 'mock-umentary' sitcom following an ex-Big Brother winner. Wondering whether it's an idea worth pursuing, any feedback would be tremendously appreciated.
6th Minute of Fame - Episode 1
MONTAGE
Various clips of the main character - Simon Mancini - a guy in his mid-to-late twenties, during his time on Big Brother. Clips show him during activities like sunbathing, swimming in the pool, carrying out tasks, cleaning and cooking etc, but all exaggeratedly slowed down to increase ‘dramatic effect'.
V/O (during montage)
Two years ago Simon Mancini won £100,000 as the winner of Big Brother. Since then, his life has taken a downturn. A series of poor business investments saw Simon fall into bankruptcy. His misery was further compounded when he filed a lawsuit against his mother, for selling embarrassing stories about him to the media…
Montage shows front pages of a newspaper - with the headline ‘BB Simon Wet Bed Until Age 10'. Montage goes back to BB clips, but shows Simon in certain situations - such as failing tasks and arguing with housemates, with close ups on exaggerated looks of despair on Simon's face.
V/O (continuing, again over montage)
…With his family turning against him, the public soon followed suit. His cheeky arrogance that won him hearts in the Big Brother house grew to supersonic levels when he won, and after photos of Simon caught walking down a country lane favoured by doggers surfaced, public perception of him really plummeted. But what happened next? A documentary crew followed Simon's every move for a month, to find out what life was like, in the sixth minute of fame. This is what we found.
END OF MONTAGE. CUT TO:
INT. SIMON'S LIVING ROOM.
SIMON is sitting on a chair in front of the camera, interviewee-style.
SIMON
It was tough. At times it was really tough. The ridicule from the public I felt was particularly harsh. Some of the stories about me in the papers were terrible. Other contestants got headlines like… (thinking off the top of his head) ‘Big Bro's Carly visits Africa to look after starving kids'. I could have got a headline like that-
CAMERAMAN (off screen)
Did you go to Africa?
SIMON
Well, no, but that's not the point. The papers could have printed nice stories. ‘BB Simon Volunteers in Oxfam', 'Simon Mancini Buys A Coffee For A Tramp', or ‘Big Brother's Simon Pleasured Me All Night in Marathon Sex Romp'. But no. I got… (picks up a newspaper just sitting off-screen) ‘Simon Mancini Weeps Like Baby During Episode of Pet Rescue'. (Puts newspaper back) And that was from my own mother.
CUT TO: INT. SIMON'S HOUSE
F/X: DOORBELL
Simon answers the door. A window cleaner is standing in the doorway. Throughout the exchange the window cleaner casts glances at the camera, confused as to why it's being filmed.
WINDOW CLEANER
Hey, we've come to do your windows.
SIMON
Cheers, still forty pounds yeah? I'll have to pop upstairs and have a look to see if I've got the money.
WINDOW CLEANER
If you can't afford it again this month we can come back next-
SIMON
No no no I've got the money, (looking at the camera) I can afford it.
CAMERAMAN
Isn't forty pounds a lot of money to pay to have your windows cleaned?
The window cleaner looks slightly nervous.
WINDOW CLEANER
Well, like I told Simon, it's inflation and rising prices in labour, ladders…and water.
SIMON (to camera)
It's not like they earn that much anyway, so I'm helping them out in a way-
WINDOW CLEANER
We earn more than you think actually.
SIMON
Yeah, well, there are two types of people in this world: those who clean windows, and those who have their windows cleaned. I think it's obvious which group each of us is in.
Simon looks at the camera matter-of-factly. The window cleaner looks at Simon angrily. An awkward silence hangs in the air for a while.
WINDOW CLEANER
Side gate's open, yeah?
SIMON
Yep.
WINDOW CLEANER
Right, see you later. Woof woof.
Simon quickly shuts the front door. He looks at the camera and sighs.
CUT TO: INT. SIMON'S KITCHEN
The camera is peering out behind a pair of curtains, and is filming two window cleaners talking in Simon's back garden.
WINDOW CLEANER 1
He's still paying forty quid for this, what a mug.
WINDOW CLEANER 2
Keep an eye out for any cameras, I'm gonna have a piss in his drain.
CUT TO: INT. SIMON'S BEDROOM
Simon is sitting in a chair in front of a large window, being interviewed.
SIMON
They (motions head to indicate the window cleaners outside) come about once a month. Had a few problems with them in the past about the cost…
(a ladder is propped up against the window behind Simon, and after a few seconds one of the window cleaners appears at the top of the ladder, looking in at the interview. He begins swearing at Simon behind his back)
…but you know, these things happen. They know who's the boss now.
Simon turns around to look outside the window. The window cleaner quickly stops swearing and pretends to be hard at work. Simon turns back to face the camera.
SIMON
See? Mutual respect now. Hard workers, for what they earn.
The window cleaner begins to exaggeratedly mouth the word ‘wanker' to Simon behind his back.
CUT TO: SIMON'S CAR. DAYTIME.
Simon's driving, talking to the camera.
SIMON
I made some poor financial investments which made things rather difficult for me. They could have gone either way, you know, you win some you lose some. You put in the risk, you reap the reward.
CAMERAMAN
Except you didn't.
SIMON
No. Shame.
CAMERAMAN
And what was the business you invested in?
Simon looks at the camera, embarrassingly.
SIMON
It was an invention actually. One of my…associates…developed it.
CAMERAMAN
What was the invention?
SIMON (reluctantly)
It was a solar power torch.
CAMERAMAN
A solar power torch?
SIMON
Yes.
CAMERAMAN
A torch powered by sunlight?
Simon looks sheepish and embarrassed.
SIMON
No need to go on about it.
Awkward silence for a short while.
CAMERAMAN
What were you like at school?
SIMON
At school? I was one of the lads. Yeah… a popular guy, the one who gets the girl. Never had any trouble.
CUT TO: INT. A CLASSROOM.
A middle aged man is sitting at a desk at the front of a classroom being interviewed. A caption at the bottom of the screen reads: ‘David Lester - Simon's Tutor'.
DAVID
Simon had some difficulties making friends at school. He kept himself to himself mostly, but there were a few times when we had to intervene when he was being bullied…
CUT TO: SIMON'S CAR. DAYTIME.
SIMON
He said what? No… no there was never any real trouble. It was kids stuff, you know. It wasn't like they were stealing my lunch money… calling me names… (becoming angry) Mr Shorty Bum Chin… drawing tippex penises on my blazer-
Simon stops the car abruptly.
SIMON (angry)
-That bastard Andy Jenkins!
CUT TO: INT. SIMON'S KITCHEN.
Simon is cooking in the kitchen. His phone rings.
SIMON (picking up phone)
Hello?
Simon begins to adopt a different accent on the phone, turning slightly away from the camera.
SIMON (in fake accent)
Yes this is his agent, how may I help you? …
… Certainly sir, I'll just get him for you.
Simon puts the phone on the counter for a few seconds, then picks it up again, and speaks in his normal voice.
SIMON
Hello, Simon Mancini … (eagerly) Yes I'm free then! I mean… (regaining composure) I'm fairly sure my schedule is clear on those dates yes.
Simon puts his hand over the mouthpiece on the phone and turns to the camera.
SIMON (to camera, smugly)
They want me on a Big Brother Celebrity Soccer Sixes team.
Simon puts the phone back to his ear.
SIMON
Who else is on the team? (nods) Yeah… Yeah… Marco who? Oh the poo- (Simon looks at the camera awkwardly) -the pool player, I heard he was good at pool… as well as being on Big Brother… yeah, okay, cheers. I'll get back to you, bye.
Simon turns to the camera and waves his phone triumphantly.
SIMON (cheerily)
Something to put in my schedule.
would say - a natural comedic torch.