Horse Drug Sketch 2

Based on Swertyd's suggestion of *convinced* horses (see Horse Drug Silliness Post): More suited to radio.

F/X: BACKGROUND SOUNDS OF HORSES AND TRAINERS

ANNOUNCER:
Calling all competitors for Eventing to make your way to the arena.

HORSE 1:
At The End Of The Day, you've got no chance. I'm gonna clear every fence, easy peasy. I'm the greatest horse that ever lived!

AT THE END OF THE DAY:
That's A Good One, how can you possibly think you can beat me? I'm not a common horse like you, but a majestic unicorn. Books have been written about how I'm the only pure creature. Be awed at my silver coat, and my horn of invincibility.

THAT'S A GOOD ONE (Horse 1):
I'm afraid you have confused me with your usual riff-raff. For I am Pegasus, and my wings will help me soar over all the fences - including the really garish purple house one. You don't look like a unicorn to me - your "horn" looks a bit like a boil.

AT THE END OF THE DAY:
That's rich coming from "Mr. Bingo Wings!"

THAT'S A GOOD ONE:
Imbecile! You will pay for your insolence! At The End Of The Day, I'll make you change your tune!

HORSE 3:
Young horses these days. Ay, Brutus, are there any left who will not succumb to employing foul means, using drugs to win?

BRUTUS:
Moooo!?

HORSE 3:
Et tu, Brutus?

One thought - how is the listener meant to know they're listening to horses talking?

Quote: David Bussell @ August 22 2008, 1:57 PM BST

One thought - how is the listener meant to know they're listening to horses talking?

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Was hoping this was enough:

F/X: BACKGROUND SOUNDS OF HORSES AND TRAINERS

ANNOUNCER:
Calling all competitors for Eventing to make your way to the arena.

Did originally write it visually, then remembered horses are notoriously difficult to make deliver the lines they're given. Hence the hurried directions.

I'm getting the feeling this one doesn't work

I see what you mean, the beginning could just be jockeys speaking

If I were listening I'm sure I'd think it was the jockeys talking.

ANTONIUS:
Moo

A horse intimating a cow, or a cow?

Or even a hoarse horse?

Edit: re. David - a jockey?

Ach, what was I thinking with this one? Have tried to extract some modicum of sense from it with an edit...

I think the fundamental flaw with this one is that you've written it for radio.

Well, here's the first draft for this, which had visuals:

TWO OLYMPIC EQUESTRIAN HORSES ARE STANDING NEXT TO EACH OTHER, LOOKING OUT OVER THE PADDOCK

HORSE 1:
At The End Of The Day, you've got no chance mate. I'm gonna clear every fence, easy peasy.

AT THE END OF THE DAY:
That's A Good One, how can you possibly think you can beat me, a majestic creature. Books have been written about me, I'm the only pure creature. Be awed at my silver coat, and my horn of invincibility.

THAT'S A GOOD ONE (Horse 1):
I'm afraid you have my name mistaken. For I am Pegasus, and my wings will help me soar above all the fences - including the really garish purple house one. As for your horn, looks a bit like a boil to me, and using peroxide is just sooo last season.

AT THE END OF THE DAY:
That's rich coming from Mr. Bingo Wings!

THAT'S A GOOD ONE:
Imbecile! You will pay for your insolence! At The End Of The Day, I'll make you change your tune!

CAMERA PANS OUT, REVEALING TWO MORE HORSES STANDING NEARBY:

HORSE 3:
Young horses these days. All out of their long faces on drugs. Ay, ANTONIUS, are there any left who will not submit to using foul means?

ANTONIUS:
Moooo! Look at me! I'm a cow! Not just any old cow. A red Heiffer!

Oh I see now. It all comes together.

so, Et tu or Heiffer to finish? or both? or neither? or shall I just put this one out of it's misery

There's definitely something there, Rob. Leave it a while, then start over.

If you decide on audio; perhaps you could have someone interviewing the horses thus making it clear that they ARE horses - then go into the bragging/arguing.

Quote: Morrace @ August 22 2008, 3:26 PM BST

Leave it a while, then start over.

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Sounds like wise advice.

Quote: Morrace @ August 22 2008, 3:26 PM BST

There's definitely something there, Rob. Leave it a while, then start over.

If you decide on audio; perhaps you could have someone interviewing the horses thus making it clear that they ARE horses - then go into the bragging/arguing.

View original

hmm will have a think. Have to consider the interviewer's species in such a case

Didn't you do a better simpler version of this where the horses were being taken away?

Quote: sootyj @ August 22 2008, 3:43 PM BST

Didn't you do a better simpler version of this where the horses were being taken away?

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-------------------------------
COMMENTATOR:
And there's been quite some controversy this year with rumours that horses have been drugged. Fortunately for organisers, the perpetrators were quickly identified.

CUT TO POLICE LEADING AWAY PEOPLE IN RIDING GEAR, WHO ARE HANDCUFFED. A POLICE VAN STANDS BY.

HORSES ARE ALSO BEING LEAD AWAY, ONE IS A UNICORN AND ANOTHER IS PEGASUS, WHO IS FLAPPING HIS WINGS IN DISTRESS.
--------------------------------

Quote: swerytd @ August 21 2008, 4:10 PM BST

I quite like it but would prefer a spin where two horses are *convinced* they are a unicorn and Pegasus, even though they're not.

Dan

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Thought it would be good practice to try it out, sounded like a fun idea.

That could work the other one is ace, I'd have Gandalf lead out in cuff as well.