Hahaha. This is going into interesting territory.
The most offensive skit in the world. Page 5
I didn't think this thread could get any lower.
I was wrong 
It is quite sick.
Not as sick as that hat NickTheDon has cropped off his avatar, but certainly close.
Haha, I wish we could have avatars big enough to include that hat.
I WROTE AN ANNE FRANK SKETCH ONCE!
It doesn't beat Nick's for shock value, I forgot to include incest. Stupid of me, I know.
"ANNE FRANKENSTEIN"
FADE IN:
INT. A GRIMY CELLAR
Grainy, poor quality film with bad lightning, a mad scientist and a hunchback electrocute a dead body
SCIENTIST
(clearly reading from a cue card)
At last! My ultimate sex fantasy shall be realised… I have used my science to resurrect Anne Frank and have sex with her!!
Anne Frankenstein sits up and screams for 20 seconds while scientist laughs unconvincingly.
Play the title ‘Anne Frankenstein'
Play the same footage of Anne frank screaming and scientist laughing. Extreme close-up on scientist
SCIENTIST
Time to rape you now my dear!!
ANNE FRANK
Arrrghhhhh!! Noooo!!!
HUNCHBACK
Darrrrgghhhh!!
BLACK-FACE MINSTREL
Daaaamn, I ain't never seen no Anne Frank raping on this scale
Close up on Anne Franks face as she gets raped
ANNE FRANK
Oh! This sure isn't kosher!
VOICE (O.S.)
Not so fast!!
The scientist looks around, we cut to Princess Diana holding a gun
LADY DI
Not so fast!!
Cut back to scientist
LADY DI (O.S.)
Not so fast!
SCIENTIST
Princess Diana!!
Scene Missing
Princess Diana and Anne Frank are now somehow the scientists love slaves
LADY
Mmmn, I never thought being raped could be so beneficial to a girls self esteem.
The hunchback and minstrel appear from within the folds of the orgy, they all laugh
The End.
INT. SCREENING ROOM
PERSON WITH CLIPBOARD
And that's the new straight to DVD film we'll be distributing next year, any thoughts?
The test audience look shocked, one of them throws up.
PERSON WITH CLIPBOARD
We have to do something about this…
SHOW A CLIP OF THE FILM
It's exactly the same but every time something offensive happens a new shot of the actor winking and saying ‘wink!' is spliced in
MAN WATCHING AT HOME
MAN
Oh, I get it! It's ironic! It's an ironic deconstruction of our relationship with our own insecurities and weaknesses and a compelling study on the nature of shock! I get it! Arrrrrrgggggffff!
He attempts to eat popcorn but misses and ends up smooshing on his forehead.
PAPERS SPIN TOWARDS SCREEN
‘Anne Frankenstein critics favourite for 2008'
‘Anne Frankenstein declared greatest film ever'
‘Anne Frankenstein prescribed as cure for leprosy'
‘Zack Snyder Anne Frankenstein remake in works'
MAN WATCHING AT HOME
MAN
Oh, I get it! It's a satire on how easily public favour can be won over by the cheap pretence of irony being used as an excuse for ethically questionable content in entertainment! I get it! Hmmn, I wonder what this button on my remote control does…
He presses the button, show footage of 9/11
MAN
Doooh!
CUT TO SIAN, OLLIE & ALEX
ALL
Wink!
Neat clever word play, and effectively using shock tactics.
You flub your punchline a little though.
Better something dead simple, maybe 2 guys on a coach watching it.
One see's it as ironic, the other ones having a wank.
You could trim it, with this shock stuff you have to pound it out fast.
Quote: NickTheDon @ August 21 2008, 11:14 PM BSTHaha, I wish we could have avatars big enough to include that hat.
My avatar has a hat and a beard.
Quote: sootyj @ August 22 2008, 12:31 AM BSTMy avatar has a hat and a beard.
It does, too. Lovely bit of Chuck, there.
Quote: Eggie @ August 22 2008, 12:18 AM BSTI WROTE AN ANNE FRANK SKETCH ONCE!
It doesn't beat Nick's for shock value, I forgot to include incest. Stupid of me, I know."ANNE FRANKENSTEIN"
FADE IN:
INT. A GRIMY CELLAR
Grainy, poor quality film with bad lightning, a mad scientist and a hunchback electrocute a dead body
SCIENTIST
(clearly reading from a cue card)
At last! My ultimate sex fantasy shall be realised… I have used my science to resurrect Anne Frank and have sex with her!!
Anne Frankenstein sits up and screams for 20 seconds while scientist laughs unconvincingly.
Play the title ‘Anne Frankenstein'
Play the same footage of Anne frank screaming and scientist laughing. Extreme close-up on scientist
SCIENTIST
Time to rape you now my dear!!
ANNE FRANK
Arrrghhhhh!! Noooo!!!
HUNCHBACK
Darrrrgghhhh!!
BLACK-FACE MINSTREL
Daaaamn, I ain't never seen no Anne Frank raping on this scale
Close up on Anne Franks face as she gets raped
ANNE FRANK
Oh! This sure isn't kosher!
VOICE (O.S.)
Not so fast!!
The scientist looks around, we cut to Princess Diana holding a gun
LADY DI
Not so fast!!
Cut back to scientist
LADY DI (O.S.)
Not so fast!
SCIENTIST
Princess Diana!!
Scene Missing
Princess Diana and Anne Frank are now somehow the scientists love slaves
LADY
Mmmn, I never thought being raped could be so beneficial to a girls self esteem.
The hunchback and minstrel appear from within the folds of the orgy, they all laugh
The End.
INT. SCREENING ROOM
PERSON WITH CLIPBOARD
And that's the new straight to DVD film we'll be distributing next year, any thoughts?
The test audience look shocked, one of them throws up.
PERSON WITH CLIPBOARD
We have to do something about this…
SHOW A CLIP OF THE FILM
It's exactly the same but every time something offensive happens a new shot of the actor winking and saying ‘wink!' is spliced in
MAN WATCHING AT HOME
MAN
Oh, I get it! It's ironic! It's an ironic deconstruction of our relationship with our own insecurities and weaknesses and a compelling study on the nature of shock! I get it! Arrrrrrgggggffff!
He attempts to eat popcorn but misses and ends up smooshing on his forehead.
PAPERS SPIN TOWARDS SCREEN
‘Anne Frankenstein critics favourite for 2008'
‘Anne Frankenstein declared greatest film ever'
‘Anne Frankenstein prescribed as cure for leprosy'
‘Zack Snyder Anne Frankenstein remake in works'
MAN WATCHING AT HOME
MAN
Oh, I get it! It's a satire on how easily public favour can be won over by the cheap pretence of irony being used as an excuse for ethically questionable content in entertainment! I get it! Hmmn, I wonder what this button on my remote control does…
He presses the button, show footage of 9/11
MAN
Doooh!
CUT TO SIAN, OLLIE & ALEX
ALL
Wink!
Post in a seperate thread Eggie, don't post in someone elses!
Thank ya!
Oh erm this isn't my thread, it's more a generic free for all of horribleness.
Quote: sootyj @ August 22 2008, 2:15 PM BSTOh erm this isn't my thread, it's more a generic free for all of horribleness.
Sorry I didn't read the entire thread I saw some people posting sketches and thought they were distracting.
Now I have taken a more detailed look, it just appears you're all going to hell.
Ooh! I've got one...
INT. ABORTION CLINIC
CLINIC WORKER LADY: There we go, love. It's all over.
TENNAGE GIRL: This part is. But my mum knew I was pregnant, and if she finds out I've had an abortion she'll kill me!
CLINIC WORKER: Hmmn, that is a problem. Leave it to me!
Corny screen flip to:
INT. DINING ROOM
The family eat dinner, TG clutches a blood soaked aborted foetus in her arms. Her mother wears a giant Christian cross which takes up most of the table in front of her.
MUM: So, what have you decided to call the baby?
TEENAGE GIRL: Um... Foe....ter...
MUM: (Baby talk) Ello, Feter! Goo goo wah wajja goo? Oogy boofy googoo dah? (To TG) His reactions don't seem too good.
TEENAGE GIRL: Maybe he's just hungry, I'll just pop into the other room to breast him him... heh... with my breasts.
TG leaves the room, a trail of blood drips behind her
INT. KITCHEN
TG puts the foetus on the table, her top now covered in blood. She picks up the phone.
TEENAGE GIRL: Hi, it's me. Well it's working so far but I'm sure sure how much longer I can keep this up... I've already heard comments about the smell...
Just then, the family dog appears; grabs the foetus and runs off.
TEENAGE GIRL: Dooh!! I'll call you back!
TG runs off.
if it makes it more offensive; I have an aunt who works helping pregnant teenagers from fundamentalist families under threats of honour killing and all sorts of horrible things. That's how I got the idea... I feel horrid...
Sorry not that funny, you've written better.
Albeit it was quite nasty.
I did have an idea for a candid camera style skit once;
Basically, you take out an advertisment for a childrens entertainer; a clown.
Then at the kids birthday party, a hearse arrives and out comes the most frightening clown ever to walk the face of the earth.
The Macarbe Clown pulls a series of increasingly sadistic and traumatising tricks out the back of his hearse before announcing that he needs a volunteer for his next trick.
He takes a child from the crows, slides out his coffin, has the child climb inside and then slides the whole thing back into the vehicle.
And then...
...he drives off.
The looks on their faces...