EXT.SIDE OF BANK.NIGHT
JOHN is holding his bankcard standing behind a MAN
JOHN looks at his watch
JOHN:
(MUTTERING) Come on, mate - sort it out
JOHN looks at his watch and Sighs
JOHN:
Bloody hell man, exactly how hard is it.
MAN finishes what he's doing. Briskly walks off
JOHN looks at wall with urine mark 
Presentation way better, sketch not bad at all, again nice and quick.
I like the way you don't explain and leave the audience to make the leap.
That said I'd have the guy go up to the ATM, press deposit and pull his trousers down for a poo.
Hi Julian. Well done. Just a few minor changes I'd say:
EXT. SIDE OF BANK - NIGHT
JOHN stands in line, bank card in hand. A MAN is ahead of him.
John checks his watch.
JOHN:
(MUTTERING) Come on, mate - sort it out!
JOHN checks his watch again and sighs.
JOHN:
Bloody hell, man, how hard is it?
The Man finishes what he's doing and briskly walks off.
JOHN steps forward to find there's no bank machine. Just a urine stain.
THE END
And don't use use smilies in your scripts, it makes you look like an amateur.
Quote: sootyj @ August 19 2008, 3:39 PM BSTThat said I'd have the guy go up to the ATM, press deposit and pull his trousers down for a poo.
No one doubts you would, Sootyj.
Quote: David Bussell @ August 19 2008, 3:46 PM BSTAnd don't use use smilies in your scripts, it makes you look like an amateur.
Jeez am I being mocked yet again.
I feel like Frankenstein's monster at the school disco.
Funny and unexpected. Nice one.
Quote: sootyj @ August 19 2008, 3:47 PM BSTJeez am I being mocked yet again.
Not at all, I just meant that you're the site's go-to guy for scatalogical humour.
Quote: David Bussell @ August 19 2008, 3:53 PM BSTNot at all, I just meant that you're the site's go-to guy for scatalogical humour.
Now that's a sig, soot.
Scat, chat, and all that.
Sootyj's the way for dirty word play.
Haha, that's brilliant. Sootyj's suggestion was ace too.
I like this
Great visual gag!
I don't want to bring the mood down, but would it be completely unacceptable if the next guy moved up to the ATM, pressed a button, looked uncomfortable and alarmed, glanced at the screen and keypad, and realised the previous fellow had cum all over the picture of a female bank employee which is displayed on the screen?
* I'm not sure if the ATMs have those display pics in the UK; they do in Oz.
Brilliant sketch btw. Really love it.
Quote: Tommy Power @ August 21 2008, 1:28 PM BSTI don't want to bring the mood down, but would it be completely unacceptable if the next guy moved up to the ATM, pressed a button, looked uncomfortable and alarmed, glanced at the screen and keypad, and realised the previous fellow had cum all over the picture of a female bank employee which is displayed on the screen?
* I'm not sure if the ATMs have those display pics in the UK; they do in Oz.
Brilliant sketch btw. Really love it.
No they don't, and a jolly good thing too, if that's how you treat them.
Fair 'nuff so. Could always just come on the keypad. 