When is it due?

EXT. A TRAIN STATION - DAY

There is a couple stood waiting for the train on the platform next to the tracks. The woman is heavily pregnant. Another woman (Lou) comes over to the couple.

LOU
Well well well, what are the chances of seeing you two round these parts

JILL
Lou!

The woman hug

LOU
Hey Phil

PHIL
Hey

LOU
(Nodding towards Jill's baby bump)
So, when is it due?

Phil looks at his watch.

PHIL
(Still looking at his watch)
Any time now

LOU
Haha, I didn't mean the train. I meant the baby

JILL
(Putting her hands on the bump)
Just less than 2 months now

LOU
Oooo getting close. Are you looking forward to it?

JILL
A bit scared but...

Phil is still looking at his watch and obviously not listening to the girl's conversation. We hear the sound of a train approaching. Phil, casual as anything pushes Jill in front of the express train as it goes past. Lou screams. Phil beings to walk off, still casual as anything.

LOU
(Screaming)
Oh my god!

PHIL
(Walking away and speaking with that "I told you so" kind of tone)
She should have had the abortion

Bloody hell that's dark! Funny, but very dark.

I'd make it an advert for a family planning clinic.

Thank you sir.

God knows how Educating Rita inspired this one.

Clever build up. I never saw that coming. Certainly shocking

Quote: Rob0 @ August 19 2008, 6:29 PM BST

I never saw that coming.

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That's what she said.

Quote: Morrace @ August 19 2008, 11:22 PM BST

That's what she said.

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And at conception too.

Can't help thinking of a caption to do with "Virgin trains"

Quote: Rob0 @ August 19 2008, 11:32 PM BST

And at conception too.
Can't help thinking of a caption to do with "Virgin trains"

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They go through tunnels.

I'm not sure what you mean. A train-shaped sex toy?

shocking, but maybe shocking over funny. perhaps end it with 'she didnt tell me she was pregnant' or something. still, i like your sketches a lot so I know you'll take what i say in the best possible way!

il reword that- i like the sketch, it is funny, just might be better with a different explanation for his actions...?yes, thats what i meant.

Quote: Kim Griffin @ August 20 2008, 1:47 AM BST

shocking, but maybe shocking over funny. perhaps end it with 'she didnt tell me she was pregnant' or something. still, i like your sketches a lot so I know you'll take what i say in the best possible way!

il reword that- i like the sketch, it is funny, just might be better with a different explanation for his actions...?yes, thats what i meant.

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If I'm honest that is the exact reason I posted this. I wasn't sure if the shock overpowered the humour, and I spent a fair bit of time trying to think of a better final line for the guy and in the end I just settled for that and decided to try my luck.

Thanks for confirming my thoughts and I'll take this back to the drawing board and try to come up with a better line.

To be honest I just don't think it is an intrinsically comic idea. I do not mind black humour, I liked your Simon Says one, but this just feels nasty and misogynistic.