Hiya,
Another new sketch of mine.
It's NOT really one for Newsrevue or Treason.
Instead it would be best suited in a TV sketch show.
Chav Job Interview For Brain Surgeon
by Mikey J
INT. HOSPITAL INTERVIEW ROOM. DAY.
A HOSPITAL CONSULTANT IS SITTING AT A DESK. A CHAV IN FULL STREET GEAR; BASEBALL CAP, TRAINERS AND TRACKSUIT WALKS IN.
CONSULTANT:
Er… Excuse me. What do you want?
CHAV:
I is ‘ere for da job interview, innit.
CONSULTANT:
Sorry, you're obviously in the wrong room. The hospital porter interviews are taking place down the corridor.
CHAV:
I is not ‘ere for dat. I is ‘ere for da job of brain surgeon.
CONSULTANT:
Surely, you've got to be joking.
CHAV:
Nah, man. If I was joking, I'd be spitting lyrics like der was dis English geezer, Irish geezer and… er… wotzizname... yeah, das it. Diamond geezer.
CONSULTANT:
Erm… all right. What's your name?
CHAV:
I is da one and only Notorious Two Blades.
CONSULTANT:
That's your name?
CHAV:
Dat's ma street name, innit. I don't use ma real name.
CONSULTANT:
What is your real name?
CHAV:
Tarquin.
CONSULTANT:
Ah. I can see why you don't use that name. Makes you sound like a right gaylord. So, Mr Two Blades. What surgical experience have you got?
CHAV:
I cut someone up badly once.
CONSULTANT:
Sorry?
CHAV:
I knifed someone, man. Dis geezer was well asking for it, innit.
CONSULTANT:
Erm… that's hardly surgical experience, is it?
CHAV:
Yeah, issit.
CONSULTANT:
No, it's not. Knifing someone is not brain surgey.
CHAV:
I knifed him in da head.
CONSULTANT:
(NOW SHOWING INTEREST) Oh, I see. And do you have any other medical experience? Such as stitching perhaps?
CHAV:
Yeah, I stitched dat geezer up good and proper, man.
CONSULTANT:
Okay, good. You've got the job. You start Monday.
CHAV:
Wicked.
A WOMAN ENTERS, SMARTLY DRESSED.
WOMAN:
Hello. I'm here for the job interview.
CONSULTANT:
Hospital porter interviews are down the corridor.
WOMAN:
Okay, thanks.
END
