Song - My days in number 10 are through

Original Song - Don't it make my brown eyes blue:

Don't know when I've been so blue (7)
Don't know what's come over you (7)
You've found someone new (5)
And don't it make my brown eyes blue (8)

I'll be fine when you're gone (6)
I'll just cry all night long (6)
Say it isn't true (5)
And don't it make my brown eyes blue (8)

Tell me no secrets, tell me some lies (9)
Give me no reasons, give me alibis (10)
Tell me you love me and don't make me cry (10)
Say anything but don't say goodbye (9)

I didn't mean to treat you bad (8)
Didn't know just what I had (7)
But, honey, now I do (6)
And don't it make my brown eyes (7)
Don't it make my brown eyes (6)
Don't it make my brown eyes blue (7)

Don't it make my brown eyes (6)
Don't it make my brown eyes (6)
Don't it make my brown eyes blue (7)

Don't it make my brown eyes (6)
Don't it make my brown eyes (6)
Don't it make my brown eyes blue (7)

My Version - My days in number 10 are through:

Don't know what I'm going to do
My country is voting blue
Cabinet's turning too
My days in number 10 are through

Back to Fife, not too long
Wondering what went wrong
Don't know what to do
My days in number 10 are through

Tony left, I finally got a try
So I waved, number eleven goodbye
Then credit crunch hit, records went awry
I said anything, most of them lies

Now I just stay in feeling sad
Tories want keys to my pad
Just don't know what to do
The media says my days are
Media says my days are
Media says my days are through

Tories say my days are
Tories say my days are
Tories say my days are through

One by one my Brownites
One by one my Brownites
One by one they're turning too

My first attempt at a song, if it's dreadful tell me

It's a good match but you've used quite a plain song, so it's a little joke light.

Could still work it flows nicely.

Yes I thought it might be a bit joke light, I think I thought that the performance of an individual singing Brown's part might just carry it off.

Upon reflection, I think that's definately wrong. The humour should come from the writing and not the performance, right?

Quote: Sofa_Matt @ August 14 2008, 11:43 AM BST

The humour should come from the writing and not the performance, right?

View original

A good rule of thumb for a writer. (Possibly less so if you are writing for a particular performer when it can be as much about writing to his performing strengths, but that is for another thread.)

Main problem with this for me is that the refrain does not echo the original closely enough, though it might help hearing it set to the tune.

Quote: Griff @ August 14 2008, 11:46 AM BST

That's actually pretty good. If you did another draft to add a few more jokes in, you might be in with a shot. The big disadvantage is that it is a slowish song, and NewsRevue in particular like to use uptempo songs to keep the show energy up. I think Treason do more slow songs - I've seen them spoof Michael Jackson's "Ben" for example.

I particularly like

- "Brownite" is an inspired substitute for "Brown Eyes".

View original

Thanks Griff, the 'Brownite' Brown Eyes' swap is where I started from, so I'm glad you like it.

I was very much aware that the song wasn't uptempo, and as such may be discarded because it would leave the audience a bit flat. I just thought that the image of Brown singing this song may be humorous enough as it was. Probably not.

Question is, good enough to rewrite, or doomed to failure because of a poor choice of song?

Quote: Timbo @ August 14 2008, 11:53 AM BST

Main problem with this for me is that the refrain does not echo the original closely enough.

View original

Sorry Timbo, can you put this in idiot form for me, not quite sure I fully understand your point

Quote: Timbo @ August 14 2008, 11:53 AM BST

A good rule of thumb for a writer. (Possibly less so if you are writing for a particular performer when it can be as much about writing to his performing strengths, but that is for another thread.)

Main problem with this for me is that the refrain does not echo the original closely enough, though it might help hearing it set to the tune.

View original

Particularly with NR the big question for me is, would this be fun to play?

If in doubt ALWAYS do the right thing.

Quote: Sofa_Matt @ August 14 2008, 11:55 AM BST

Sorry Timbo, can you put this in idiot form for me, not quite sure I fully understand your point

View original

Your refrain is "My days in No. 10 are through", from that information alone I would not be able to guess that the song being parodied was "Don't it make my brown eyes blue". There is not the instant recognition factor from the words alone.