A meeting for addicts is being held in the church hall. Tony Maloney is the therapist.
Tony
Right Ladies & Gentleman. We are gathered here today to talk over and hopefully help each other with our addictions. I am en ex addict myself so I have been there, done that and got the t.shirt to prove it.(He opens his jacket to show off his T-shirt. It reads “Tony Maloney no longer addicted to Sex.
Right lets all introduce ourselves. Starting with you…..(He points a middle finger)
Claire
Hi I am Claire & I am addicted to crack.
Tony
Oh dear you poor thing, You’re a lezza, a carpet muncher a FILTHY DIRTY DYKE EE DO DEE DUM.
Claire
(hurt expression) No Tony! Crack cocaine.
Tony
BooooooooooRing. Sit down druggie, lets have….(he points) You.
Gary
Hi I am Gary & I am addicted to sniffing
Tony
Urrrrgh A rim sniffer.
Gary
No! I like to sniff glue
Tony
Ewwwwwwww! You aint sniffing me. Sit down man, you are embarrassing yourself. Lets have (he points) YOU!
Jeremy
Hi I am Jeremy & I am addicted to fags.
Tony
(wiggles his hips & sings) Gayo! Gaaaayo! Daylight come & I wanna homo.
Jeremy
NO! Fags, sometimes up to 40 a day.
Tony
Ewwwwwwwww! That means you must bum a different fella every 20 odd minutes. Errrrrr! (he starts to dance & sing) Gay he is gay he is is Gayyyyyyyyo Daylight come and he bum bum bum.
Jeremy
I smoke cigarettes Tony.
Tony
Use whatever term you like for it Jezza, you is still a Gayo. Now sit down unless you want another song. Lets have (he points) YOU.
Elle
Hi my name is Elle & I am addicted to chocolate
Tony
Body paint
Elle
Not really. My favourite is a Kit Kat
Tony
How many fingers can you handle. 2 or 4.
Elle
As many as I can, the more the better.
(Tony turns around, a zip is heard, he is obviously wanking, he looks over his shoulder to continue to talk, pulling aroused faces)
Tony
Do you suck those fingers
Elle
Yes often, I want to get as much pleasure from them as I can.
Tony
(licking his lips)Do you swallow all of it
Elle
(frowning slightly) Yes, every last bit
Tony
Argggggggggh. (does his zip up and turns around)
Tony
Right gang. This concludes our meeting for this week. It is a long road to recovery, but look at me. If I can do it, so can you. Now I will do, I mean see you all next week.