Chapman's bump was not to give us another chance to boost your ego Matt, more a chance for you to post further scenes! Now where are they?
Oh, this was very good by the way
BOB AND JOB Page 2
Why would their parents give their rhyming names? As if they weren't dissadvantaged enough already. 
I love you, Bob and Job...
I too would like to see more. It's so nicely set up, I'd love to see where you take it.
Quote: Sofa_Matt @ August 6 2008, 12:03 PM BSTChapman's bump was not to give us another chance to boost your ego Matt, more a chance for you to post further scenes! Now where are they?
Here's a bit extra then. As I've mentioned before, I wrote this a couple of years ago, so if it's dodgy then I have got better since. Possibly. Ok, I haven't.
INT. BOB AND JOBS FLAT-DAY.
(JOBS JUST A HEAD AND WITHERED ARM GROWING OUT OF BOBS SHOULDER REMEMBER)
Bob and Job enter their flat, which they share with their mother.
BOB
Mum, were home!
Mum bustles into the room.
MUM
Job? Job is that you me boy? Me very own spit and blood? Oh fleshy fruit, born of woman?
JOB
Yeah, its me.
BOB
Its me too Mum.
MUM
Oh, let me look at you Job, you handsome, clever, virile, successful son of a bitch.
JOB
She wouldn't say it if it wasn't true.
BOB
Have there been any calls for me Mum?
Mum turns to Bob, as if noticing him for the first time, with a look of utter disgust playing over her aging face.
MUM
You-what?
BOB
Any phone-calls? For me? Only Im expecting a call from the dating agency woman, she said shed phone as soon as she found a suitable match for me.
MUM
Dating agency?!
Mum and Job snigger to each other behind their hands.
MUM
Oh Bob, you sad little crotch vomit, you really are pathetic aren't you?
Bob reaches inside his jacket and pulls out a photo.
BOB
I wouldn't call someone with a signed photo of Leonard Nimoy pathetic, would you?
MUM
Why couldn't you be more like your brother? My favourite and sole beneficiary of my will? Hes popular, wealthy, charming and, if reports are to be believed, real hot stuff between the sheets. Oh by the Goddess! If only the doctors had separated you at birth like Id asked and thrown your useless hide into the incinerator!
BOB
(BEAT)
Would you like a nice cup of tea?
MUM
Go and tidy your room! Having to look at you for this length of time has set my arse on edge!
BOB
I just tidied it this morning.
MUM
Yeah, well, I smeared dog muck on myself and went on a bit of a rampage in there; so get scraping you bummer.
Bob goes to leave.
MUM
Not you Job, you stay here with Mummy so we can chat some more about how much better you are than your brother.
JOB
Okey-doke.
Bob stops, as they are attached after all.
MUM
Are you deaf or ‘summat?! Room! Now!
BOB
Yes, right.
Bob goes to leave once more.
MUM
Oh don't go Job, don't abandon your poor Mum!
Bob dithers.
MUM
Room! Now!!!
Bob opens a door, which leads directly into his bedroom and takes a step inside, keeping Job poking into the front room.
MUM
So Job, just how many womens meat lockers have you hung your produce in now?
JOB
Well . . .
CUT TO:
INT.BOBS BEDROOM.
We see Bobs room is a mess. Bob himself is stood in the doorway, keeping Job in the front room and straining to try and tidy. He sees a sock in the centre of the room and reaches for it, but its much to far away. Bob grimaces and strains, to the sound of cracking and tearing, his arm stretches impossibly across the room towards the sock. He picks it up and deposits it in the washing basket.
END
There you go then. That's you're lot. It was a fun world to write in, but it ain't never ever gonna get on the telly box. Maybe as part of some kind of sketch thing. I think for it to stand a chance as a sitcom, I'd have to take Bob and Job out of their surreal world, and put them in a more recognisable and real world, maybe that would work. Of course, it's still a man with an extra head growing out of his shoulder, so maybe not!
I actually love it.
'Crotch-vomit' needs to enter the national vocabulary.
Quote: Eggie @ August 6 2008, 3:42 PM BSTI actually love it.
'Crotch-vomit' needs to enter the national vocabulary.
Cheers Eggie. Send an e-mail to Baby Cow, demanding they make it. 
Again, I thought it was top quality.
As for the surreal universe, plenty of shows create their own universe e.g. Mighty Boosh have the Zooniverse, etc. And have crazy characters. And that's not doing too badly! THe Hitcher has a giant green thumb and a polo eye, didn't do him harm as a character.
South Park used a similar idea, but then they got away with just about anything.
Anyway, it's a shame if a "twisted" sitcom isn't possible, as I can really visualise it.
Quote: Rob0 @ August 6 2008, 3:50 PM BSTAgain, I thought it was top quality.
As for the surreal universe, plenty of shows create their own universe e.g. Mighty Boosh have the Zooniverse, etc. And have crazy characters. And that's not doing too badly! THe Hitcher has a giant green thumb and a polo eye, didn't do him harm as a character.
Your characters seem strong enough to me to work.
Well, my ego thanks you. Maybe I should have a go at doing something with this again . . .
I suppose it's about getting that cult following - maybe see how others managed to get their stuff produced as they presumably faced the same issues you're concerned about.
Maybe do a stage performance and try and get a following?
I decided to show my support with bad drawings.
At one point, Monica Lewinsky and Hillary Clinton shared the same arsehole.
Quote: Eggie @ August 6 2008, 4:40 PM BSTI decided to show my support with bad drawings.
I have to say though, I don't agree with Paul W's comment back there about this being animated. I want to see it Zaphod Beeblebrox style. Terrible animatronics for the win!
Ha! That is pretty freaking sweet!
That is awesome.
As for a humble reader of the critique forum, with little or no experience in writing, I would like to say I love it. I really really do! Please please do something with it!
MORE MORE MORE!!
Quote: EllieJP @ August 6 2008, 5:44 PM BSTThat is awesome.
As for a humble reader of the critique forum, with little or no experience in writing, I would like to say I love it. I really really do! Please please do something with it!
MORE MORE MORE!!
Thank you. I can't believe so many people seem to like this; you're all weirdos! Thanks to everyone for the positive words though. 
Quote: Matthew Stott @ August 6 2008, 11:57 AM BSTWow, a bit of a surprise to see this again; I posted it about a year and a half ago; and must have written it close to two years ago! It's nice, and a bit odd to me, that all comments so far have been positive; I'd have thought there'd be a lot of people who thought it was shit.
Oh - it is shit - but good shit.
Quote: Matthew Stott @ August 6 2008, 6:20 PM BSTThank you. I can't believe so many people seem to like this; you're all weirdos!
You are a good judge of character.