Property show sketch

PROPERTY SHOW TYPE SET-UP:

INTRO THEME MUSIC & CREDITS:

PRESENTER:

As we saw before the break, Terry and June loved this house, but it was £30 000 over their £400 000 budget. When we last left them, they were trying to knock the owner down … lets see how they got on.

CUT TO ROOM WHERE TERRY AND JUNE ARE STANDING NEXT TO THE OWNER, SMILING. HE LOOKS DISHEVELLED AND BRUISED.

PRESENTER:
So, how did you do?

JUNE:
Well, at first we thought he wasn't going to budge, but then Terry used this hammer… (TERRY PROUDLY HOLDS HAMMER UP)
…and it brought him right down

TERRY:
Yes it did

PRESENTER:
Well, I think you did brilliantly. TO OWNER: How tough were they as negotiators?

OWNER:
Oh, I thought they did very well. Every time I held out, they just pushed me down some more. At £390 000 that's daylight robbery

TERRY (TO JUNE):
That's an idea. Next time let's take their wallet too!

PRESENTER:
Well, that's absolutely fantastic. I think £390 000 is an absolute bargain for this property.

And that's all we have time for today, but don't forget to watch "Homeowners under the hammer" again tomorrow, where we'll see if our next couple manage to get their dream property at "knock-down" prices. Bye!

ALL WAVE TO CAMERA.

Nice reworking of the "under the hammer" gag, but the names Terry and June were a bit of a red herring. I was looking for gags which weren't there.

Quote: Graham Bandage @ August 6 2008, 3:16 PM BST

Nice reworking of the "under the hammer" gag, but the names Terry and June were a bit of a red herring. I was looking for gags which weren't there.

View original

Ah good point. I forgot about that. Guess then it would just have Terry banging his own head by mistake!

As soon as I saw 'knock the owner down' line I thought that violence was going to be used.
That said, if the owner was like a 'Weeble' (and no amount of battering would floor him), it may add some visual humour to it. It would shorten your sketch quite considerably though.

Quote: Nigel Kelly @ August 6 2008, 3:18 PM BST

As soon as I saw 'knock the owner down' line I thought that violence was going to be used.

View original

Well, violence was inevitable. I saw a woman say "we really need to knock him down" to her husband on a show yesterday. Looked like she was willing to use violence to get the house too!

Initially had them hitting him, but then thought it was too long then.

Quote: Nigel Kelly @ August 6 2008, 3:18 PM BST

That said, if the owner was like a 'Weeble' (and no amount of battering would floor him), it may add some visual humour to it.

View original

How about if I add a scene where they keep trying different tools, and finally the hammer does it? Or they try all the contents of her handbag, and the owner gets bored and says "here: try this" and gives them the hammer? Any good?

As I often say to the Mrs - make it a 'quickie' ---
__________________________________________________________________________________

PRESENTER:

As we saw before the break, Terry and June loved this house, but it was £30 000 over their £400 000 budget. When we last left them, they were trying to knock the owner down … lets see how they got on.

CUT TO OUTSIDE OF HOUSE DISPLAYING 'FOR SALE' SIGN. MAN IS RUNNING ALONG PAVEMENT CAR WITH TERRY & JUNE INSIDE, MOUNTS THE PAVEMENT AS MAN RUNS FOR HIS LIFE.

MAN:

(SCREAMING) Okay, okay - four hundred grand!
__________________________________________________________________________________

Quote: Morrace @ August 6 2008, 3:44 PM BST

As I often say to the Mrs - make it a 'quickie' ---
__________________________________________________________________________________

PRESENTER:

As we saw before the break, Terry and June loved this house, but it was £30 000 over their £400 000 budget. When we last left them, they were trying to knock the owner down … lets see how they got on.

CUT TO OUTSIDE OF HOUSE DISPLAYING 'FOR SALE' SIGN. MAN IS RUNNING ALONG PAVEMENT CAR WITH TERRY & JUNE INSIDE, MOUNTS THE PAVEMENT AS MAN RUNS FOR HIS LIFE.

MAN:

(SCREAMING) Okay, okay - four hundred grand!
__________________________________________________________________________________

View original

I prefer that myself to be honest.

Quote: Morrace @ August 6 2008, 3:44 PM BST

As I often say to the Mrs - make it a 'quickie' ---
__________________________________________________________________________________

PRESENTER:

As we saw before the break, Terry and June loved this house, but it was £30 000 over their £400 000 budget. When we last left them, they were trying to knock the owner down … lets see how they got on.

CUT TO OUTSIDE OF HOUSE DISPLAYING 'FOR SALE' SIGN. MAN IS RUNNING ALONG PAVEMENT CAR WITH TERRY & JUNE INSIDE, MOUNTS THE PAVEMENT AS MAN RUNS FOR HIS LIFE.

MAN:

(SCREAMING) Okay, okay - four hundred grand!
__________________________________________________________________________________

View original

Ain't it just annoying when someone takes an idea you've waffled around, distills the essence, and makes it punchy and hilarious.

Think you've taught me an important lesson. Thanks!

Quote: Rob0 @ August 6 2008, 3:58 PM BST

Ain't it just annoying when someone takes an idea you've waffled around, distills the essence, and makes it punchy and hilarious.

Think you've taught me an important lesson. Thanks!

View original

No problem - but don't forget, I had to have your (funny) essence first!

I thg=ink it would still be nice to say 'Homeowners under the hammer' at the end... Y'know... in a Kevin Bishop sort of way.

I sent a property show spoof to Tilt that didn't get used.

I changed the title of the show to 'Repossession, Repossession, Repossession' and had Kirsty and Phil helping a couple move from their 3 bed semi to a cardbox under the West Way. See, topical innit?