British Comedy Guide

Radio comedy pilot

This is a piece of silliness I dashed off very quickly without any self-editing, then put aside half way through and never got round to finishing. Looking at it again I honestly don't know what to make of it. Is this complete toilet or is there anything here worth salvaging?

NARRATOR

In a time before time...

FX: A BELL RINGS

LANDLORD

Last orders, if you please.

NARRATOR

...in a land far, far away

THE NARRATOR'S VOICE FADES AWAY AS IF DISAPPEARING DOWN A LONG TUNNEL.

NARRATOR

Not that far. There came a darkness.

SILENCE

Er.. could I have some lights please?

FX: A COIN GOING IN A METER.

NARRATOR

That's better. Could we try to be a little less literal with the FX please? A foul black cloud that blanketed all the land.

AUSTRALIAN

Bugger! We only needed one more wicket to win the series.

NARRATOR

The sun and the moon and the stars were blotted out.

AUSTRALIAN

And I'm telling you, you blind galloot of an umpire, there's still light for another over. Er... umpire... umpire?

INDIAN

Please desist from your arguing.

AUSTRALIAN

Oh, there you are. C'mon, just the one more buggering over.

INDIAN

It is too dark for the cricketing...

AUSTRALIAN

Ump...

INDIAN

...and I am not an umpire.

CUSTOMER

Twenty Rothmans and a scratchcard, please.

NARRATOR

This pestilential cloud bubbled forth out of the sulphurous springs of Ordour.

FX: Parp! (PAUSE) Parp! Parp! (PAUSE) Paaaaaaarp!

NARRATOR

Oh, I do beg you're pardon. Ordour, the land of the Shadows.

GRAMS: Apache.

NARRATOR

Where ruled an ancient evil.

CLIFF

Hi! Can we talk about God?

NARRATOR

Er... not just now... (SUDDEN INSPIRATION) I have a souffle in the oven. It is one of Delia's.

FX: Tring!

NARRATOR

Oh that's it now.

FX: FRONT DOOR SLAMMING. OVEN DOOR OPENING.

NARRATOR

My, it has risen. Thank you Delia.

DELIA

Always time for a quickie darlin'.

NARRATOR

Once this evil one had enslaved the hearts of maidens with his quivering lower lip and rock attitude, but long his siren song has gone unheard; his Time remembered with horror and loathing.

CLIFF

Oh come now, that's not fair! The main theme reached No 27 in the Australian charts.

NARRATOR

In this time of darkness...

AUSTRALIAN

C'mon just look at the lightmeter!

INDIAN

Sir, please to put down my pricing gun.

NARRATOR

There arose a hero. Er... could we have some heroic music please?

GRAMS: Bonnie Tyler: I need a hero, I'm holding on for a hero till the end of the night, he's got to be strong and he has got to be fast, and he's got to be fresh from the fight. I need a hero...

NARRATOR

A young boy....

BONNIE

Bugger.

NARRATOR

... who as our story begins is still only a humble page.

BONNIE

How old would a page be? Out of interest.

NARRATOR

Fourteen or fifteen.

BONNIE

Hmmm....Nah, too young.

BOY

Bugger.

NARRATOR

A page named...

BOY

Stormhawk.

NARRATOR

...Cedric.

BOY

I prefer Stormhawk.

NARRATOR

No, you're Cedric.

BOY

Oh poop!

BONNIE

Stormhawk! Oh, I like that. It's larger than life.

BOY (QUIETLY)

Sure is.

NARRATOR

Are you still here?

BONNIE

I'm holding on.

NARRATOR

Well don't hold on to that - he's only fourteen.

BOY

Fifteen. Sixteen next birthday.

BONNIE

When's that?

BOY

Twenty seven days. And eleven months.

BONNIE

I can wait.

NARRATOR

Not here, you can't. Now bugger off.

BOY (CALLING OUT)

Eleven months. And twenty seven days.

NARRATOR

Cedric...

BOY

Storm...

NARRATOR

Cedric was a page in the household of his uncle, Sir Kit, who was training him. Training him! Sir Kit training. Oh, I'm good!

BOY

I don't get it.

NARRATOR

Cedric was a very simple boy.

BOY

Oi!

NARRATOR

Cedric's uncle, the good and kind knight, Sir Kit, was schooling him in the noble arts of chivalry. Such as maiming, disembowelling, and groin-crunching.

FX: Thud. Ooof.

KIT

You got that now.

BOY (HIGH-PITCHED)

Yes, sir. Thank you.

KIT

Of course that's the English way of doing it. Your Scot, being an uncouth sort, uses the knee.

FX: Thud. Ooof.

KIT

But I just call that unsporting.

BOY

Jolly bad form.

KIT

Now your Frenchman, he prefers a good run up. Try and hold still there boy.

BOY

Sorry uncle.

FX: Mailed feet running. Thud. Ooof.

BOY

Oh well hit, Sir.

KIT

But me I prefer the good old-fashioned English stamp.

FX: Thud. Ooof.

KIT

Tried and tested, wot?

BOY

Yes, very efficacious Sir.

KIT

So what have we learned?

BOY

That in no much of a hurry we are, not to forget to put on our groin guard.

KIT

Quite right. You won't forget again...

FX: Thud. Ooof.

KIT

...now will you?

BOY (REALLY HIGH-PITCHED NOW)

No Sir, I think it is quite etched on my memory.

KIT

Oh, and Cedric, isn't it about time your voice broke?

BOY

Not sure that's going to happen now, Sir.

KIT

Nonsense, we will make a man of you yet, a gentil parfait knight. Right, tomorrow we will continue your training by looking at slaughtering peasants, raping damsels and ransoming Frenchmen.

BOY

Jolly good sir.

KIT

Theory only, of course. I mean, where are we going to find a Frenchman round here?

NARRATOR

While Cedric was being nurtured in the tender bosom of his family...

AUNT

Soak them in vinegar dear.

BOY

Will that help?

AUNT

It's what I always do with beetroots.

NARRATOR

... the great wizard Merkin summoned a council of the wise.

FX: HUBBUB OF VOICES.

FIRST COUNCIL MEMBER

Before we proceed to item 1 on the agenda I should just like to raise a point of order. I think the members of this council know that I am not one to hark on procedure...

FX: GROANS

FIRST COUNCIL MEMBER

...but it has come to my attention that the correct protocol for summoning a council of mages, warlocks, necromancers and allied magical professions has not in fact been followed. This irregularity does in my view call into question the validity of this assembly as a forum for combatting the forces of unspeakable evil.

FX: GROANS.

FIRST COUNCIL MEMBER

I call the esteemed members attention to the Prophecies of Morpeth the Seer; Section 27, sub-section 13B, paragraph 2g, second indent...

FX: Zap

FIRST COUNCIL MEMBER

Ribbit.

MERKIN

Right, moving on to item 1 on the agenda, the evil darkness that besets the land. The chair acknowledges Meldreth the White with a hint of beige.

MELDRETH

Do you not think evil is an inappropriately pejorative term? Evil as a concept seems to me to be outmoded. A pestilential cloud blanketing the land, if approached in a spirit of cultural relativism...

MERKIN

The chair warns Meldreth to be careful.

FIRST COUNCIL MEMBER (PLEADINGLY)

Ribbit. Ribbit.

MERKIN

Baldock the Lime Green.

BALDOCK

Am I only the one concerned by the correlation that is being made here between darkness and evil? To me it has overtones of racism...

NARRATOR

The council debated long into the night.

MERKIN

Right that's agreed then. Item 1 the cloud of a colour which is other than white, though no particular significance attaches to this, representing cultural values that are different, but not necessarily inferior, to our own, that is besetting the land.

TORDRED

May I say a word?

MERKIN

I do not know thee stranger, but it is said that the unbidden guest oft proves the best company.

TORDRED

Really? In my experience he drinks all the decent vino, pisses in the aspidistra and cops off with the next-door-neighbour's wife. But that is not important. I am Tordred, a wandering minstrel, and helpful plot-device. I have ventured into Ordour, the land of the Shadows.

GRAMS: FBI

TORDRED

Their dark lord dwells in bitterness. The once fair-seeming face, that through dark arts retained the image of youth down the long centuries of his reign, has become a skeletal mask, the stretched skin tanned like leather. None tend him now but withered crones, who worship him in the ancient fashion, by throwing him their undergarments.

MERKIN

Dear God.

TORDRED

Mark and Spencer firm control full cotton briefs; they can kill the passion in a man stone dead. In his tortured soul, the dark lord envies and despises us for our secular lifestyles and easy going morals. And so from the springs of Ordour he has summoned forth this pestilential cloud, to punish us for our debauchery. This darkness will remain upon us until every last man among us does as he has done, and keeps it in his trousers. You, the wisest in the land, must tell the people to renounce fornication. You must lead by your example.

MELDRETH

Oh.

MERKIN

The thing is, as wizards we don't go much in for that sort of thing anyway.

TORDRED

Of course! How stupid of me! You would loose your powers if you were to engage in congress with a woman.

BALDOCK

That's what we tell people.

MERKIN

The truth is none of us have ever had that much luck with girls. You know how it is, you grow up with your nose in a grimoire, in the playground no-one picks you on their side for tournaments, you become a loner, people start poking fun at you, you turn them into things...

FIRST COUNCIL MEMBER (TEARFUL)

Ribbit.

BALDOCK

Girls are just not interested in us brainy types. They always go for the sporty, good-looking boys. Who don't have personality disorders.

MELDRETH

I loved a damsel once, but she spurned my advances.

BALDOCK

Was that before or after you made her dress invisible?

MELDRETH

She was wearing Mark and Spencer firm control full cotton briefs. Uugh.

MERKIN

Frankly, oh wandering minstrel and helpful plot-device, a wizard telling folk to stop fornicating is much like a man with a white stick attempting to convince them of the advantages of wearing a blindfold.

TORDRED

Hm, I see. So what are we to do?

MERKIN

We must not kowtow to the evil one, we must stand firm for the right of men everywhere to put it about a bit, particularly wizards should the chance ever come along, which would be a fine thing. We must find us a warrior to lead us into battle against this lord of the Shadows.

TORDRED

But where shall we find such a warrior?

MELDRETH

Well, he's got to be strong.

BALDOCK

And we can't hang around.

MELDRETH

So he's got to be fast.

BALDOCK

And he should have experience.

MELDRETH

Oh yes, he's got to be fresh from the fight.

BONNIE (SINGS)

I need a hero

NARRATOR

We all know what you need dear. Now shsh... there's plot happening.

WELWYN (CREAKY VOICE)

The land has long been without a king.

MERKIN

Welwyn the Burnt Umber speaks truly.

TORDRED

Were not you, O mighty wizard Merkin, the last to speak to the old king before his sudden and wholly unexplained disappearance?

AWKWARD SILENCE

FIRST COUNCIL MEMBER (RESIGNED)

Ribbit.

WELWYN

The land cries out for it's champion. We must have a true King once more upon the throne to lead us into battle against this lord of the Shadows.

MERKIN

The oldest amongst us humbles us with his wisdom.

WELWYN

And coronations are such fun. We can have bunting and street parties...

TORDRED

Right, while you running dog lackeys of inherited idle wealth get on with finding your figurehead of class oppression, I shall have a bash at persuading people to lay off the fornicating. How difficult can it be?

NARRATOR

As Torded the wandering minstrel and helpful plot-device set off on his lonely quest to persuade the men of the land to stop playing hide the sausage, and the Council of the Wise debated how to find the one destined to be king, and when they did whether to have a vegetarian option and who was going to supply those little sausages on sticks, Sir Kit's son, the brave and noble knight, Sir Valiant...

BOY

Valiant? Valiant?! Right if he can be Valiant I am going to be Storm...

NARRATOR

Your name is Cedric, young man, and I am not arguing with you about it. And now Sir Valiant is going to continue your training.

BOY

Hang on, I'll get my groin guard.

VALIANT

No need for that lad. It is time you and I had a chinwag about your becoming a jolly old knight, and the true meaning of this sacred trust. When knighthood gets a mention what springs into that noggin of yours young Cedric?

BOY

Well, I suppose, there is the honour of arms and the glory of doing battle in a noble cause...

VALIANT

Yess...

BOY

...and rescuing damsels, of course....

VALIANT

Quite. Where would we be without the ladies, God bless 'em? But no, I had something more important in mind.

BOY

Slaying dragons?

VALIANT

Frightful beasts. Like crossing swords with an animated Aga. No knighthood's true meaning lies in the company directorships. There's nothing adds a touch of class to the old letterhead like the odd Sir or two, wot? And dashed lucrative it is too.

BOY

Oh, I see. But the skills I have been learning, the maiming, disembowelling and groin-crunching, are they a sound preparation for corporate business?

VALIANT

Oh, I should think so. In the media sector certainly. But the God's honest is all that is expected of you is to pop in at biannual intervals for a gathering of the Board and keep the old ocular roll tops propped open while the tribal elders sift through the entrails. A ghastly bore, but these corporate types don't stint themselves when it comes to laying on a decent trough, so it is not all face handles to the grinding stone.

BOY

Gosh.

VALIANT

Money for last season's halyards really.

It's like the Goons, which is a mixed blessing.

Quite fun, lots of gags.

But with no plot or strucutre at all it'll struggle to hold peoples attention.

It reads a bit more like a panto than a sketch - I don't mean that in a bad way, panto is great. Needs more pruning if it's going to be a sketch, and the narrator needs to be present all the way through - and the jokes need to 'one hit and then out' rather than carrying on. Hope that's clear. It's late...

One idea behind this was to make full use of the freedom provided by the medium, so in that respect, yes, it is very Goonish. But as you say that is a mixed blessing. I am not sure there is much appetite among producers for that sort of thing these days.

The other idea (yes, I actually had two ideas) was to get round the fact that I am rubbish at plotting by having a loose narrative connecting a series of sketches (and to get round the need for punchlines in sketches by using the narrative to get me out of them). But again as you say it may struggle to hold people's attention.

I had not thought in terms of Panto when I was writing, but yes I see what you mean. The combination of fairy tale and modern cultural references does push it into that territory.

I am reluctant to abandon this entirely, because it makes me laugh, but I think it does not work as it stands.

The skinniest plot is all it needs.

Quote: sootyj @ August 2 2008, 10:33 PM BST

It's like the Goons, which is a mixed blessing.

Quite fun, lots of gags.

But with no plot or strucutre at all it'll struggle to hold peoples attention.

BBC writers room:

"If you're going to write comedy material, try and find your own voice. We get lots of work from new writers that reads exactly like Chris Morris or Monty Python or The Goon Show. Ask yourself: 'Am I the only person in the world who could have written like this?'"

But, saying that, i liked it. I think you make good use of the medium. It definitely has a Radio 4 vibe.

Yes, probably too Goonish for comfort (though it was actually Kenneth Horne's voice I had in my head for the narrator). I want to do something that is radio specific, rather than a script that could play as well on television, but if I decide to do more with this I suspect I need to take a more disciplined approach, playing down the narrator or perhaps losing him, and concentrating on building the sketches into a coherent narrative.

I think it's not only worth developing, but worth making.
No matter that Goon Show styled stuff isn't fashionable on Radio 4 right now, recruit some guys from http://voiceactingalliance.com/ and put it together yourself.

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