The Justice flatshare of America

CLARK KENT WALKS INTO HIS FLAT BATMAN IS SLEEPING ON THE COUCH, HE IS A MESS, AND ONLY HAS A STAINED PAIR OF BAT PANTS ON, AND HIS BAT MASK.

THE COACH IS SURROUNDED BY EMPTY BEER CANS.

CLARK

I see you didn't manage to get the costume off completely again.

BAT

Hey ace journalist Clark Kent, and former Billionaire Bruce Wayne sharing a flat. Or is it the Justice Flatshare of America?

CLARK

Bruce I've been so supportive of you since Wayne Enterprises went bust in the credit crunch, but Lois won't even stay over anymore.

BAT

I can't even fight bad guys now. It used to be the Dark knight handing out justice. Now it's just a drunk bum, hitting other bums, it's not right.

CLARK

I've got some of your friends coming round in....

BAT

Friends? Ha f**king Alfred's working for Lex Luthor. Lex would only give me 500 bucks for that kryptonite ring.

CLARK

You sold the ring? Why you irresponsible...

THE DOOR BELL RINGS

CLARK ANSWERS IT, IT'S THE RIDDLER, THE JOKER, AND THE PENGUIN.

SCENE 2

RIDDLER, JOKER, PENGUIN, BATMAN, AND CLARK ARE SITTING IN A CIRCLE.

THEY ARE ALL SMOKING AND DRINKING COFFEE.

JOKER

Bats I hate you, but I hate what you're doing to yourself more.

RIDDLER

What kind of alcoholic can you hit a ball with?

There is the germ of an idea, but I would say as executed it is too short on gags for a sketch.

CLARK KENT WALKS INTO HIS FLAT BATMAN IS SLEEPING ON THE COUCH, HE IS A MESS, AND ONLY HAS A STAINED PAIR OF BAT PANTS ON, AND HIS BAT MASK.

THE COACH IS SURROUNDED BY EMPTY BEER CANS.

CLARK

I see you didn't manage to get the costume off completely again. {So can we. Does this need to be stated?}

BAT

Hey ace journalist Clark Kent, and former Billionaire Bruce Wayne sharing a flat. Or is it the Justice Flatshare of America? {Clunky, unnecessary exposition, and is the gag at the end is not strong enough to justify it?}

CLARK

Bruce I've been so supportive of you since Wayne Enterprises went bust in the credit crunch, but Lois won't even stay over anymore.

BAT

I can't even fight bad guys now. It used to be the Dark knight handing out justice. Now it's just a drunk bum, hitting other bums, it's not right. {Is there actually a joke here?}

CLARK

I've got some of your friends coming round in....

BAT

Friends? Ha f**king Alfred's working for Lex Luthor. {Why is this funny} Lex would only give me 500 bucks for that kryptonite ring.

CLARK

You sold the ring? Why you irresponsible... {Or this?}

THE DOOR BELL RINGS

CLARK ANSWERS IT, IT'S THE RIDDLER, THE JOKER, AND THE PENGUIN.

SCENE 2

RIDDLER, JOKER, PENGUIN, BATMAN, AND CLARK ARE SITTING IN A CIRCLE.

THEY ARE ALL SMOKING AND DRINKING COFFEE.

JOKER

Bats I hate you, but I hate what you're doing to yourself more. {This should be at the heart of the sketch.}

RIDDLER

What kind of alcoholic can you hit a ball with? {A rather abstruse punchline...}

Hmm very detailed and helpful feedback.

I think the first section is an attempt to do some character comedy, and slow build into the second half.

With a lot of geeky jokes, and somestuff I suspect i wrote more for my self.

I rather liked the idea that Batman lost his sense of superiority with his billions.

I liked it. I also think you could do more with it. It's too good to be just to be a throwaway piece. It would have been funnier for me though pre-Hancock as I immediately thought of Hancock. (Not Tony..)

I actually felt this read more like a comic book than a sketch. Just a thought, but the material might be more suited to a parody comic book.

[quote name="sootyj" post="223955" date="August 2 2008, 1:36 AM BST"]CLARK KENT WALKS INTO HIS FLAT BATMAN IS SLEEPING ON THE COUCH, HE IS A MESS, AND ONLY HAS A STAINED PAIR OF BAT PANTS ON, AND HIS BAT MASK.

THE COUCH IS SURROUNDED BY EMPTY BEER CANS.

BAT

Welcome to the Justice Flatshare of America, I think Aquaman's in the bath.

CLARK

Bruce I've been so supportive of you since Wayne Enterprises went bust in the credit crunch, but this is wrong.

BAT

I used to be the Dark knight. Now I'm just a drunk bum, hitting other bums.

BATMAN'S BAT PHONE BLEEPS, HE READS THE TEXT

BAT

I hate you so much, but I hate what your doing to yourself even more. The Joker.

CLARK

See Bruce people care

BAT

Ha f**king Alfred's working for Lex Luthor. Damn Lex only gave me 500 bucks for that kryptonite ring.

CLARK

You sold the ring? Why you irresponsible...

BAT'S PHONE BLEEPS AGAIN, HE READS THE TEXT.

I'll swing at a pitch, if I don't stop drinking, I'll die in a ditch.
I don't need the Riddler's pity.

Thanks Frankie of course Tony Stark has been a piss head for years.

As has the Brown Bottle.

It's moving in the right direction now!

‘The Justice Flatshare of America'. Brilliant concept; you should build on it. Maybe for the U.S. market it could be ‘ Justice Roomies of America'?

Anyway, I'm sure you could have sold it to DC Comics if they were still publishing ‘Not Brand Echh'. (check out the link below) My favourite was ‘Forbush-Man'

"Forbush-Man was a wannabe superhero (albeit one with no superpowers), with a costume comprising red long johns with the letter F on the front and a cooking pot with eye-holes on his head."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Not_Brand_Echh

Wow before all the Vertigo stuff in the 80s/90s.

DC always seemed to have a sharp sense of humour when they permitted them selves.

I still have a copy of Generic Superhero 0, which was laceratingly self critical.

I think with the superhero stuff I know it's not original (Zenith, Tick, Mysterymen etc).

But I'd like to think I'm feeling around for a new angle.

Quote: sootyj @ August 2 2008, 4:36 PM BST

Wow before all the Vertigo stuff in the 80s/90s.

DC always seemed to have a sharp sense of humour when they permitted them selves.

I still have a copy of Generic Superhero 0, which was laceratingly self critical.

I think with the superhero stuff I know it's not original (Zenith, Tick, Mysterymen etc).

But I'd like to think I'm feeling around for a new angle.

View original

It's good - like a down-at-heel Superheroes do 'Friends'. Took the liberty of breaking up a little bit, to give it more of a flow.
________________________________________________________________________________

BAT
Welcome to the Justice Flatshare of America.

CLARK
Where's Aquaman?

BAT
In the bath.Where else?

CLARK
Dumb question.
________________________________________________________________________________

Fantastic idea Sooty - I think the angle is there but exposition was (and still is) getting in the way a little.

At the mo, the Wayne Enterprises line is still visible exposition.

You're getting into a rich vein of less-topical ideas recently. By non-topical I mean something that will work months from now - which this will

Interesting you should say that. News Revue are doing a bunch of my golden oldies some from almost a year ago.

I always say skits should be vacumn fresh, e.g. should work in any setting.

Later this year I will be performing Arsehole, and Reflective Polcing to a tribe of New Guinea cannibals.

Quote: Morrace @ August 2 2008, 5:15 PM BST

It's good - like a down-at-heel Superheroes do 'Friends'. Took the liberty of breaking up a little bit, to give it more of a flow.
________________________________________________________________________________

BAT
Welcome to the Justice Flatshare of America.

CLARK
Where's Aquaman?

BAT
In the bath.Where else?

CLARK
Dumb question.
________________________________________________________________________________

View original

Now that's a different angle grown out of me making a gaff.

I saw the Aquaman comment as a drunk, melancholic Batman making a joke about his shame in being reduced to bumming on his mates coach.

Quote: Morrace @ August 2 2008, 5:15 PM BST

It's good - like a down-at-heel Superheroes do 'Friends'. Took the liberty of breaking up a little bit, to give it more of a flow.
________________________________________________________________________________

BAT
Welcome to the Justice Flatshare of America.

CLARK
Where's Aquaman?

BAT
In the bath.Where else?

CLARK
Dumb question.
________________________________________________________________________________

View original

Quote: sootyj @ August 2 2008, 6:01 PM BST

Now that's a different angle grown out of me making a gaff.

I saw the Aquaman comment as a drunk, melancholic Batman making a joke about his shame in being reduced to bumming on his mates coach.

View original

Oh...I mis-read it! Even so, you could get a lot of mileage out of the Aquaman/Water/Fish connection.

I agree with Slag A re. 'You're getting into a rich vein of less-topical ideas recently'

Every time I saw a 'political skit' of yours - I thought, (as the Budweiser Lizard used to say): "Let it go, Louie...let it go".

Well I like them, also I'm a strong beleiver in writing to a target/brief.

As it is the only people buying stuff are topical stage shows.

That said I may have found a stage outlet for my latest non topicals.

My ideal skit is something like Reflective Policing that works in either setting.

Quote: sootyj @ August 2 2008, 6:39 PM BST

Well I like them, also I'm a strong beleiver in writing to a target/brief.

As it is the only people buying stuff are topical stage shows.

That said I may have found a stage outlet for my latest non topicals.

My ideal skit is something like Reflective Policing that works in either setting.

View original

In that case "Keep it in, Louie...Keep it in".