Town Heads

Right my friends. I have decided to write a sitcom called Town Heads. It is a series of some short, some long sketches, about people from all walks of life and all different towns. My Husband & Wife sketches will be included. I want something different so no main characters.

I apologise for the length, but if you could be so kind as to bear with I will treasure you forever.

Thanks in advance. Need your opinions, and honesty is paramount.
*on knees begging*

Kevin, Emma are on a binge at Danny & Adele’s house.

Emma
You men are crap at buying for us girls. Totally poo,.

Kevin
That’s not true, we men are fabulous at everything.

Danny
I buy good for you don’t I Adele

Adele
Well to be honest I do normally tell you what to get me. You never surprise me.

Emma
See. Hopeless. Especialy when buying clothes for women.

Kevin
Right, tomorrow is Saturday. Lets go to town, us guys will go and buy you girls something nice to wear, and you two can treat us to anything you think we would like. Then we will see who is crap.

Emma
(chuckles) Oh My God! I will never wear anything you buy me, it will be vile, but sure I am up for it. Lets say £120 each to spend.

Danny
£120. Jesus. That’s a fortune.

Emma
See you are clueless. That’s about average for a skirt and top

Danny
£120. F**k in Hell. Ok, to prove a point, after all if its wrong we can return it and we have spent nothing.

Kevin
It wont be wrong you twat o

Adele
This is going to be hilarious.

Cut to
The mall. The guys go off in one direction, the girls another.

Emma
Right Adele the trick here is always to buy something for your man that benefits you.

Adele
Huh?

Emma
Example. My sisters friend Rachael..

Cut to Rachael with a big smile and then to her boyfriend Tom. All dishevelled with eye bags.

Emma
Rachael hardly ever saw Tom. He was always either down the pub, playing badminton or at the gym. Now Tom was a nice looking guy. Rachael obviously was a little worried about other women as well as the lack of time they were spending together.

Cut to Tom enjoying chatting to women in the gym, cut to Tom flirting in the pub.

Adele
WAS nice looking…

Emma
Yep. WAS! Any wahey, Rachael had to do something fast, so she went out and brought Tom one of those Nintendo Wewe thingys. Tom was over the moon. Now he is home all the time. He plays Badminton AT HOME, he no longer sees those terrible friends of his that were such a bad influence on their relationship. Apart from going to work he is always right where Rach can see his arse.

Adele
Yes but he still cant be spending time with her. Not if he is obsessed with some game station.

Emma.
That’s not the point Emma. Atleast she can SEE with her very own eyes that he is behaving himself. Any wahey, she goes out now, she goes to the pub, and the gym, having a great time knowing for well Tom is at home on his beloved computer. Tom no longer hassles her for sex, he is up well into the early hours. She treated herself to a rampaging rabbit. That girl is having a ball.

Cut to
Rachael, in the gym chatting to men, Rachael flirting in the pub.Racheal getting into bed with her HUMUNGATARIAN rampaging rabbit.Big smile on her face.

Cut to
Tom on the Nintendo, a beard, sunken baggy arsed eyes and messy hair.

Adele
I am not buying my Danny a Wewe.

Emma
I am just saying, buy HIM something that will benefit you. I know exactly what I am getting Kev.

Adele
Oh?

Emma
Yep! I am treating my Kev to a barbecue.

Adele
That’s nice.

Emma
No. Its necessary. I want the patio done see. So by getting Kev a barbecue it not only means he will have to get that done, it will also mean for the next 15 Saturdays, weather permitting, I don’t have to cook.

Adele
Woo! Clever girl. I cant think what to get Danny that will benefit me.

Emma
Right well may I make a suggestion.

Adele.
Go on.

Emma.
Danny has faults too. I know I can see them. His main one is his obsession with DIY. Not only is he totally crap at it he is also an unfinisher. Your house looks a little like a battleground.

Adele
Go on

Emma
Well may I suggest an evening course in DIY. They are about £120. They have projects to do and finishing those crappy jobs he started will end up his projects. So not only do you get a few hours peace a week your house will become a proper home.

Adele
Wow! You are a sneaky little bitch. So I guess its B&Q then the college eh!

Cut to Danny & Kevin, in Top Shop.

Kevin
Crap at shopping for womens clothes. Bollox eh! I am going to show that thing I am with just how good I am.

Danny
I have to be honest mate, I don’t have a clue. Not even on Adele’s size.

Kevin
At a guess I would say size FB bottoms and ZT top.

Danny
Eh!

Kevin
Fat Bitch bottoms and ZERO Tits top. (Kevin chuckles)

Danny
Seriously mate, I am clueless. Is she a 10, 14, or what. I am going to have to get elasticated so it will sort of stretch to fit. What size is Em

Kevin
F**k knows. I am going to just hold them up and judge. The average size is apparently a 14. I reckon Em is just about under average, in intelligence too so I would suggest a size 10 for her and 18 for Adele.

Danny holds up a size 18 skirt.

Danny
I don’t know mate, this looks awfully big. I am sure Adele isn’t that big.

Kevin
Wishful thinking does not make it fact. I tell you what. I have an idea. Buy her a size or two smaller. That way she will have to lose some of that chub to fit into it. I tell you I am a bloodie clever bugger.

Danny
Well if I get something elasticated I should be ok. To be honest mate, I am sure Adele and Emma are about the same size.

Kevin.
Bollox. My Em has a great pair of knockers. She is definitely bigger up top than Adele. And I don’t mean to be cruel mate but your bird’s arse is like (he stretches his arms out as wide as he can, speaks and walks like a darlek) MASSIVO.

They both laugh. Then Kevin spots a huge woman in the shop with a great wacking arse.

Kevin
Go ask her what size she is, your Adele is about the same.

Danny
She is not. (laughs)

Kevin
Denial mate. Go on ask her.

Danny
She is HUGE.

Kevin
So is your bird. Ask her.

Danny walks over to the woman and taps her on the shoulder.

Danny
Excuse me, ummm I am buying something for my girlfriend & she is a big ol bird like you, apparently. I am not sure on her size though so can you tell me yours please.

Fatty
Beg Pardon

Danny
Your size. What size are you.

Fatty
Too big for this shop. They only go up to an 18 here. I am a 24. I am here with my twin sister (she points to a skinny girl trying on boots)You like big girls then. (fatty winks)

Danny
(Splutters) I have a girlfriend and I love her. A LOT

Fatty
Too bad. You need to go to Evans. It is just outside to the right.

Danny
Thanks.

Danny walks over to Kevin who has purchased a mini skirt, a tiny tarty top and some stockings..

Danny
I have to pop to Evans, I will meet you in there.Adele is defo not as obese as that bird (points at fatty) I am going for a size 18, elasticated waist and the same size for a top ok.

Inside Evans
Danny spys a big elasticated pair of black trousers and a flowery blouse.

Cut to
The girls & guys meeting up at Adele & Dannys house.
They swap presents.
Boys first.

Kevin
A barbecue. WoW! But we cant use it yet, I have not got round to doing the patio

Emma
Well I just thought it would be great what with summer almost here. Inviting all our friends round and you can cook those fabulous burgers.

Kevin
Yea! I will have to start on that patio next weekend. Great pressie Em. Thanks hon.

Danny opens his envelope.

Danny
A DIY course at the local college? I know DIY Adele

Adele
It’s an advanced course hon, for professional’s like yourself.

Danny
Oh in that case then (danny puffs out his chest) Cool. Thanks Babe.

Emma grabs Adele & whispers in her ear.

Emma
Right Adele, our pressies are going to be awful. No matter how bad they are pretend to love em. If you find fault with theirs they will find fault with ours. I want my patio and you want your home back so grin and bloodie bare it. We can exchange the items they got ok.

Adele nods.

Kevin hands Emma hers.

Emma
Wow Top shop clobber, good choice already well done Kev. (She opens up the bag and puls out the clothes)

Emma
(whistles) (she peeks in at the label the outfit is two sizes to small, and very tarty) So me.

Kevin has a smug look on his face.

Kevin
I done well eh! Take back what you said yesterday.

Emma
I take it back,

Danny hands his bag to Adele

Adele
Evans above. I have never shopped there before.(she pulls out her goodies and spends ages unfolding the mass of material) Pffffff, these are erm BIG. (she holds the trousers up against her, and wraps them around her hips a few times)

Danny
Do they not fit.

Adele
(eyes narrowed)I can grow into them if you like.

Danny
But Kev said…….

Adele
Its ok Dan, I lurrrrrrrrrrrrve them. Thankyou sweetie

Cut to
The girls in Emma’s garden, sitting on her patio while Kev and Danny .start the barbecue.

Emma
Nice outfit Adele. You swapped it over then.

Adele
Yep. I had to explain to the shop assistant though. I mean never will I have to shop at Evans. I cant believe Danny actualy thought I was that big. What a numnut.

Emma
Well my Kev thinks I am a right skinny bird. Size 10 he got me when I am a 14. Any wahey, worth it though do you like my patio.

Adele
Gorgeous. Do you like my bedlam free house

Emma
Fabulous

Adele
I am thinking of getting Danny one of those wewe thingys.

Emma
(Pulls out a bag from under the garden table, shows Adele the contents, it’s a wewe thingy) For my Kev.

Fade

Ok I liked it the women were really good. If I had to find fault I would say the men seemed a little...Camp the scene with two guys shopping was a little over written most men don't really talk that much when shopping other then that I thought it was great good work looking foward to some more

Very good Charley. But aren't women (Mal)devious.

I reckon you could weave all these into a sitcom. Get working putting them together & good luck.

I liked this too & could see it played out.

You`ve got some good characters there. I enjoyed the shopping set-up, so go for it & good luck!

The stand out line for me was: "Fat Bitch bottoms and ZERO Tits top."

Love it, loved it, loved it. I thought it was really really good. The characters were unique and instantly had a personality, the style of comedy was great aswell. The only criticism is that Wewe is spelt Wii but thats about it. I reckon this would make a great sitcom, can't wait to read the pilot. I can see what Gavin means about the men but I think that can be done in the redraft. I would just concentrate for now on getting to a run time of thirty minutes and then maybe add some grunts and bum scratching. Well done Charley.

Quote: Jude @ May 27, 2007, 11:15 PM

The stand out line for me was: "Fat Bitch bottoms and ZERO Tits top."

View original

I think this must be Charley's self pen-portrait.

Wow Thanks guy's. AJP I am on a high. I was just about to change the wewe to wii wii when i had a devine intervension( i know i spelt that gobledy gook). *dada da dum*

The fact that I spelt it wrong just goes to show that a majority of us women folk dont have a clue about game consoles. Emma & Adele are the majority. I am now torn between changing it or not. Hmmmmmmm decisions desicions. I will sleep on it.The thought not wewe.

Mr Chapman, are you calling me a flat chested HUMUNGATARIAN. Good job i lurrrrrrrrrrrve you. You are forgiven for your wrong doings.

xx

It was good, kinda reminded me of Coupling (Boys vs Girls). I think it needs a lot of fine tuning but the foundations are there for something great.

Well done Rancey.

You offering to be my fine tuner Leevil?

Quite happy for someone to tune my work for me.

WHOSE GONNA DO IT.
Now dont all rush at once. I cant handle more than 5 at a time.

Ooo errr!!

So is is meant to be like League of Gentlemen, with sketches linked together like a sitcom?

Or is it a straight forward sitcom?

Because if it is the first one, instead of doing a sketch show, why not just incorporate the jokes from the sketches into the sitcom. I don't mean have loads of characters, like L.O.G, but put these four characters into those situations.

Good question, well my thought was this.

A straight forward sitcom yet with sketches linked together like L.O.G.

LOL.

No I actualy thought more LOG with a twist. I had this crazy thought of having thought bubbles containing their written thoughts, but i went off that sharpish. I think i have gone off that idea anyhoo.

I want no main characters and all different characters.

Sorry to be a pain.

I've just watched a sketch show called 'Mr. Show' and it was linked together.

For example, they would do a sketch and a character would walk out of a door into the next sketch and this keeps happening throughout the show. You mean like that?

I really liked it Charley...made me laugh a lot!

Loved this bit "And I don't mean to be cruel mate but your bird's arse is like (he stretches his arms out as wide as he can, speaks and walks like a darlek) MASSIVO." hahaha

edit: i had written this before hand but it must have deleted it...i also said about using the characters from the snippets as other characters but you just mentioned not using the same characters....

what are you going to call the town?!

Thanks Ellie.

Yey Leevil Kind of but with no same character linking. A bit like a Harry Enfield programme by the way it goes from one sketch to the other, but without the same actors throughout. I am imagining the name of the town coming up or something to make way for the next sketch.
Am I being Daft?

You're being ambitious. That would take a lot of actors wouldn't it?