The Bin Page 2

Mozzie

Wish I was writing shit like that at 16. It's patchy and a bit rough round the edges but you have the natural ability to write funny dialogue and characters, which a lot of people twice your age would kill for.

Keep working at it, write at least one thing every day, watch tons of comedy (even the old stuff) and you'll be brilliant very soon.

Quote: Perry Nium @ July 24 2008, 2:22 AM BST

Mozzie

Wish I was writing shit like that at 16. It's patchy and a bit rough round the edges but you have the natural ability to write funny dialogue and characters, which a lot of people twice your age would kill for.

Keep working at it, write at least one thing every day, watch tons of comedy (even the old stuff) and you'll be brilliant very soon.

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Oh and lose the txt spk m8

This has great promise! I laughed out loud a few times – my favourite was:
______________________________________________________________________
JOSEPH
Yes he is Melanie I think I "KNOW" the Childs age.

MELANIE
No he's not Joseph. Look, he's showing you on his fingers.

CU- VIRGIL HOLDING UP THREE FINGERS.

JOSEPH
Oh... you are. (laughs) you smart f**k.
________________________________________________________________________

A father calling his son ‘a smart f**k' is outrageous – but here it works!
A great effort! Not only that, you're 16 – and you're black! (did I write that out loud?)

Seriously though, there's no real need to mention the ‘black' thing in your profile and yes, Desmond's was brilliant and sorely missed – it was hilarious – end of.

Oh, just one thing (not that I give a shit!) – there's this:

"Everybody Hates Chris" (2005)

‘Chris Rock NARRATES this story of a teenager growing up as the oldest of three children in Brooklyn, NY, in 1982'.

It's bound to draw comparisons. So be ready but don't let it put you off!

Oh, just one thing (not that I give a shit!) – there's this:

"Everybody Hates Chris" (2005)

‘Chris Rock NARRATES this story of a teenager growing up as the oldest of three children in Brooklyn, NY, in 1982'.

It's bound to draw comparisons. So be ready but don't let it put you off!
[/quote]

yeah i know

but i was thinking more American psycho when i thought of the voice over idea.
and thanks for the comments

Even in the extract, tone strcutre, plot and humour are all very different.

Stick with it Moz, it's distinctive enough to work.

Quote: MOZZIE BEATZ @ July 26 2008, 6:44 PM BST

yeah i know

but i was thinking more American psycho when i thought of the voice over idea.
and thanks for the comments

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Ah - yes. That's a great idea! In that case, I take it back and look forward to future scenes. Good Luck!!