British Comedy Guide

Most scared you have ever been? Page 4

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ July 23 2008, 12:40 PM BST

No longer in my 20s :(

Oo, the (slightly) older woman. RAWR. Smarmy

Yeah, but I look like cousin It.

(well I don't anymore.)

Quote: Aaron @ July 23 2008, 12:27 PM BST

You big mental. Laughing out loud

unsurprisingly you're not the first person to call me that...today

Quote: EllieJP @ July 23 2008, 12:07 PM BST

aching, confusion, burning, stinging.

That's my natural state.

When my daughter was about 3 years old I began letting her take baths by herself. (Up until that point she'd shared the tub with her 18-month-old brother, but one floating turd was all it took to ruin the arrangement.) She'd happily play with toys and chatter away while I was in the next room.

One day I noticed that she was being very quiet, so my parental instincts warned me that something was amiss. I stepped into the bathroom and found her underwater and motionless. My heart stopped and the screaming began. She heard the noise, woke up under water, panicked and joined me in the screaming. Seems she'd fallen asleep with just her nostrils above the water. It was quite some time before she took unsupervised baths again.

Bloody hell - I didn't let my bro bath unsupervised till he was 7 or 8. That was bloody lucky!!

Quote: DaButt @ July 23 2008, 2:34 PM BST

When my daughter was about 3 years old I began letting her take baths by herself. (Up until that point she'd shared the tub with her 18-month-old brother, but one floating turd was all it took to ruin the arrangement.) She'd happily play with toys and chatter away while I was in the next room.

I can iamgine thats waht soured relations between GWB and TBlair.

A little bit of very dated politics.

I thank you.

[quote name="EllieJP" post="214747" date="July 23 2008, 2:38 PM BST"]Bloody hell - I didn't let my bro bath unsupervised till he was 7 or 8. That was bloody lucky!!

What's the fraternal version of an Oedipus complex?

Quote: EllieJP @ July 23 2008, 2:38 PM BST

Bloody hell - I didn't let my bro bath unsupervised till he was 7 or 8. That was bloody lucky!!

Was your mother so neglectful you had to take care of him?

What's the age gap between Ellie and her brother?

When I forgot my packed lunch sandwiches.

Seriously though, when I nearly chocked to death on some food which happened to be... a sandwich. Heimlich maneuver was applied, sandwich popped out, I picked it back up and ate it, not worth wasting ;)

Scary Story Number 2 (but, unlike my earlier story, it contains no reference to Number 2)

I was visiting my friend in L.A. somewhere around 1999. We spent a long day driving through Hollywood, Beverly Hills (sat at a red light next to Rod Stewart and his Ferrari) and then we hung out at the Santa Monica Pier and Venice Beach.

Earlier, while we were driving down the freeway, I had asked my buddy what the most dangerous part of L.A. was. He regaled me with stories of Compton, random shootings of white motorists whose cars had broken down, etc. We'd been meaning to get gas the whole time, but we eventually found ourselves on the freeway through Compton at midnight with a car that was almost out of gas. I pulled off at the next exit, hoping there would be a gas station right there. No luck, but the car was starting to sputter, so we drove half a mile past boarded-up houses through the mean streets of Compton until we found an open gas station.

As soon as I pulled up to the pump a grizzled black man walked up to my car and said he'd pump my gas. It was obvious that he was homeless and would want me to tip him for his troubles, but that was fine with me. I just wanted to remain in the relative safety of my car, so I told him to go ahead and start pumping.

"Hell, I can't do that. You have to prepay."

This is where I mention the 3 hardcore gang bangers who were flanking the gas station's bulletproof payment window. They were huge, dressed in trenchcoats and bandannas and were certainly up to no good and armed to the teeth. I tried to approach them calmly, but I was shaking in my boots and they didn't appear to be happy to see me. They muttered a few racial remarks under their breath, but at the last minute they parted just enough for me to pass a twenty through the window to the attendant.

I went back to my car and listened to the sound of nearby gunfire and sirens while my friend encouraged me to "just step on the gas and get the f**k out of here." The old man eventually finished pumping the gas, I handed him a twenty (ahh, the days of $1.50 gasoline) and told him to keep the change.

"I can't do that. The crazy Korean guy who owns this place doesn't like blacks. You'll have to get the change yourself.'

So I had to run the gauntlet yet again, but this time the thugs were more hostile and seemed angered that I was interrupting them for my $5 in change. I think the only reason I walked away unscathed was because I told them I was going to give the change to the grubby old hobo.

"Don't ever come back to Compton, motherf**ker!"

I made a hasty retreat to my car, gave the old man his change and he insisted on shaking my hand. His hand was gritty, greasy and smelly and it made *my* hand smell nasty. I drove with one hand for the remaining 20 miles of the trip and then washed it with rubbing alcohol until it stopped stinking.

I've never been back to Compton.

Quote: Aaron @ July 23 2008, 2:51 PM BST

Was your mother so neglectful you had to take care of him?

Me and my sister did all the looking after when we weren't at school.

Quote: chipolata @ July 23 2008, 2:56 PM BST

What's the age gap between Ellie and her brother?

14 years.

Quote: EllieJP @ July 23 2008, 3:04 PM BST

Me and my sister did all the looking after when we weren't at school.

14 years.

Jesus wept. That's wrong. Same dad?

No different Dad, but I call my brother my brother, not "half" brother.

Quote: EllieJP @ July 23 2008, 3:07 PM BST

I call my brother my brother, not "half" brother.

I raised my kids by myself from the ages of 1 and 2. My ex-wife remarried soon after we divorced and had a couple of kids. I told my kids about their half-brother and half-sister and they asked me to explain, so I told them they each had one arm and one leg.

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