Quote: Graham Bandage @ July 22 2008, 8:17 PM BSTOh, look, Morrace is back.
Yay he's back! Though he will probably pussy out and delete ALL his messages again.
My Sitcom Script - first half of episode Page 5
Quote: sootyj @ July 22 2008, 8:24 PM BSTI've died on stage a great many times, all part of starting as a standup.
The bold really does you no favours.
n.b. Lions den, Limmud do I know you from some where?
Also I envy Adolf his impressive book sales that's all. That and being the lead singer in Sparks, that msut have been cool.
The bold really does me no favours, huh? - well, that advice coming from you, means I'll have to use it more often.
You say you've 'died on stage a great many times'. Saying that you've outdone Tommy Cooper, really does you no favours.
Note your comment, 'I envy Adolf his impressive book sales that's all.'
Interesting that you refer to Hitler as 'Adolf'. This is obviously a Freudian slip and proves that you have a secret admiration for Hitler. This really does you no favours.
Oh and the one about Hitler being the lead singer in Sparks - nice to see you're doing your bit for the environment - recycling old jokes. I've heard that one almost as many times as you've died on stage.
Is it okay to quote your 'I envy Adolf his impressive book sales' on Limmud?
Finally, Sootyj - with regard to your 'Do I know you from some where? Let me put it this way:
"A little while and ye shall not see me and again a little while and ye shall see me......"
See you! 
Actually, I'm relieved, Morrace. I thought at first you were a dangerous nutter. But now I'm delighted that you're not dangerous.
Quote: Graham Bandage @ July 23 2008, 8:40 AM BSTActually, I'm relieved, Morrace. I thought at first you were a dangerous nutter. But now I'm delighted that you're not dangerous.
I am with a lead-filled handbag, dear. Hey - and don't start! 
Quote: Morrace @ July 23 2008, 1:38 AM BSTOi! You! – No not you - the Welsh geezer! Yeh, YOU – the one who said I was obsessive - c'mere, I want a word. No, no – I'm not gonna hurt you, mate. I just want you to read this – and read it good, OKAY? Right – nice one…….
________________________________________________________________Yeh, well - Ever since I was grass-high to a kneehopper, I've kept things neat, clean, organized alphabetically and numerically. As the years have gone by, I have realised that my obsession has possibly got a little weirder. I sometimes wish that everyone were like me. I get SO frustrated when certain BCG members criticise my critiques – because then I have to drop what I am doing (sometimes the wife), and criticise the fact that they're criticizing my constructive critiques. I should also mention that I am very quote-conscious - so much so, that I view the whole world as something that I need to cut and paste. If people think that this is a serious problem that needs treatment, fair enough, I respect that opinion.
You see, as a writer, I am CONSTANTLY re-writing posts on BCG; cleaning my keyboard; checking and double-checking each and every word I type. Not only that, I'm constantly washing my hands, sanitising worktops, crockery, cutlery, tables, chairs, lavatory bowls - you name it. I also colour-coordinate all the clothes in my wardrobe. Even before I make love to my lady wife, I insist that all the vibrators on the bedside table are pointing North-East.
When I am working at my desk, I make sure that not only is everything in its EXACT spot - but also absolutely straight (geometrically speaking, that is – I am not homophobic). Even when I am copying and pasting from past threads on BCG and online dictionaries (as I've just done), everything MUST be placed in order and lined up perfectly.
Whether or not I have OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder), I worry that I may cause problems to fellow BSG members. You see, I seem to be getting MAD at people for forcing me away from writing a sketch that I intend to post in the BCG ‘Critique' section. In fact, I had got as far as: ‘INT. FRONT ROOM. NIGHT. when I saw (and diligently copied and pasted) this literary gem from Wayne Lewis:‘Jesus Morrace chill out. You're a tad obsessive don't you think?'
Bloody cheek – a TAD obsessive? There is nothing TAD about Jesus Morrace's obsession - my obsession is MASSIVE! Got my gander up, or what?! Who is this geezer? So I checked his profile. Mmmm…. ‘Just starting out'. Oh yeh? Just starting out slagging ME off, more like! Upstart! Hang on a minute, what's this – ‘This user is open to job offers'? Shame. If he didn't live in Brynmawr, Wales, he could come over by yer and unblock my dwains (excuse the Jonathan Rossism). Where's Brynmawr, anyway? Oh – got this from Wannabedia:
‘Brynmawr has an estimated population of over 6000 people, very few of whom speak Welsh. However, the town does boast an unemployed sheep-shearer (sic) who is an aspiring, perspiring, comedy writer.'
Oh, and what's this? - He's ‘working on a couple of sitcoms', is he indeed? Yeh, like I'm working on a couple of cures for cancer!
________________________________________________________________Right, that's it, Welsh geezer – you've read enough. I've gotta sketch to write! Now piss off!
________________________________________________________________INT. FRONT ROOM. NIGHT.
BOY AND GIRL ARE SITTING ON OPPOSITE ENDS OF COUCH………….
Yawn. You really are an insufferable bore! This is just the same shit that you posted then deleted last week! You are very unoriginal Morrace. Shame. Why don't you get a job or something? I hear community service is nice this time of year.
I'm confused about the movie.... so the cops knew that internal affairs were setting them up?
Aaron, cheque please.
Quote: wayne lewis @ July 22 2008, 9:00 PM BSTYay he's back! Though he will probably pussy out and delete ALL his messages again.
Quote: wayne lewis @ July 23 2008, 9:26 PM BSTYawn. You really are an insufferable bore! This is just the same shit that you posted then deleted last week! You are very unoriginal Morrace. Shame. Why don't you get a job or something? I hear community service is nice this time of year.
I'm somewhat puzzled, Wayne. One minute it's 'Yay he's back!' Next minute it's (unoriginal) insults. Listen, babes, I re-posted the piece just for YOU because you said I would ‘probably pussy out' and delete all my messages again.
C'mon, Wayne – have a rant! Write a little piece about Morrace, say, begging for employment at the Job Centre - or even, the pathetic, unoriginal, Morrace walking up to a MASSIVE hoodie and saying "I hear community service is nice this time of year".
Yeh, go on Wayne, babes - write something original that will get me to shut-the-f**k-up! Oh, and not stuff like ‘Yawn. You really are an insufferable bore!' That is just water off a hack's back.
Let me help and start your rant:
________________________________________________________________________________
Who the FUCK do you think you are, Morrace? You think you are so witty and clever - but you are plainly NOT. Another thing – you haven't posted anything for criticism, have you? Is that because you haven't written anything - or (more to the point) your stuff is TOTAL SHIT? I suspect the latter.
________________________________________________________________________________
Get the idea, Wayne? The above rant is so cutting and hurtful that I was about to reply, when I realised that I wrote it!
On the other hand, babes, if you really want to upset or hurt me – IGNORE ME! Hey, you never know, I might go away!
Oh dear. Did I hit a nerve? Sorry. It's just some playful banter. Didn't mean to upset you.
I like your change of tactic by the way. Babes? If you can't out do them, merely start coming on to them! Nice one.
Anyway I think it's time this thread sank slowly without trace. Don't you?
P.S. If you start to get lonely or upset again I'm just a PM button away.
Quote: wayne lewis @ July 24 2008, 8:02 AM BSTOh dear. Did I hit a nerve? Sorry. It's just some playful banter. Didn't mean to upset you.
I like your change of tactic by the way. Babes? If you can't out do them, merely start coming on to them! Nice one.
Anyway I think it's time this thread sank slowly without trace. Don't you?
P.S. If you start to get lonely or upset again I'm just a PM button away.
Let me run this by you one more time, babes - and this time READ it:
'....if you really want to upset or hurt me – IGNORE ME!'
Thanks, babes. Now I'm happy. 
Oh, and when you reply; give me a pet name like, 'Honey', 'Sugar' or even 'C**t' or 'Wanker' - I'll like that.
PS - Make it quick, as I've got an appointment at the Job Centre!
Quote: Morrace @ July 24 2008, 8:26 AM BSTLet me run this by you one more time, babes - and this time READ it:
'....if you really want to upset or hurt me – IGNORE ME!'
Thanks, babes. Now I'm happy.
PS - Make it quick, as I've got an appointment at the Job Centre!
You're so cute when you're angry! Bless.
Anyway must dash. Work beckons! Opps sorry.
Quote: wayne lewis @ July 24 2008, 8:37 AM BSTYou're so cute when you're angry! Bless.
Anyway must dash. Work beckons! Opps sorry.
Hurry up and get back from sheep-shearing (sic) babes! You know you want to - You love it!
I'm glad we're all friends again.