Ooh ouch.
But Griff is right comedy sin't jsut for obsessive geeks, kids, old people, dictators every one's entitled to their spot on BBC that makes them laugh.
Green Green Grass I suspect gets more viewers than Boosh, Peep Show, and Monkey Dust put together.
Popular doesn't equal quality, but it can't be ignored either.
Quote: Griff @ July 22 2008, 10:49 AM BSTThe Green Green Grass isn't aimed at "comedy fans" or even people in your age group, Seefacts. It's aimed at older people like my parents, who will remember Carla Lane well from her 80s heyday of writing "Butterflies" and "Bread". They love The Green Green Grass and quite frankly I'm glad there's stuff like that on TV for them to watch.
But even in her writing hey-day, was she well known as a person?
To me a lot of viewers won't know who writes the shows. Maybe that's wrong, I don't know.
Quote: sootyj @ July 22 2008, 11:00 AM BSTPopular doesn't equal quality.
No, but quality doesn't have to equal cult either. One Foot In The Grave, Dads Army, Only Fools And Horses - all brilliant. And suitable for Griff's parents, too.
Sorry, Calvin, we've hijacked your thread. Er, there were some nice lines, but you need to work harder on the dialogue to make it sound either snappier or like real people. And I'm not entirely clear what the sit of your com is. Plenty of stuff to work with, though.
Yeah, Carla Lane did have a profile, in the same way that Russell T Davies does today.
It's still a crap gag.
Why is it crap?
Quote: Marc P @ July 22 2008, 11:12 AM BSTWhy is it crap?
I'll get back to you on that when I've thought about it. I suspect "It just is" isn't good enough.
LOL
I think it's alright myself. Particularly with my edit. Ahem. Not roll on the floor laughing gag, but what is.
Right, I'm back.
I think it's not so much crap as weak. If you delivered that gag in a real life situation, you'd probably be met with a bit of a smile and a "Huh, yeah".
Next week I shall be picking a line from Lab Rats for analysis.
I had no idea Carla Lane was an animal rights activist so the joke would've sailed over my head anyway.
Calvin - your script needs rethinking. It's obvious you can write dialogue, but you haven't quite mastered FUNNY dialogue yet. Try and imagine yourself sitting watching this on telly and ask yourself honestly - would it make you laugh? Would it hold your interest?
In writing tv comedy what you should be trying to achieve is stopping the viewer getting up to make a brew or worse - switch channels. There are several ways you can do this but one of the most important things to do is hook the viewer into the story in the first two or three minutes. So by page three or four of your script the audience needs to know exactly what the episode is about. You have done this to a small extent - as in you've told the viewers that Alex has been promoted and he can now give his lazy mate Spencer a job, but for me you've gone about in a boring, non-eventful way, through lacklustre banter.
Personally I'd have started off by showing what a truly lazy useless bastard Spencer really is. Maybe he was sat on the couch in his pants eating sweets and watching the end of a monster truck show, and something really boring comes on the telly like a Melvyn Bragg special on the history of Rococo art. But the telly remote is an inch further away from Spencer than it's possible to reach without getting up, so he starts throwing sweets at the channel button, just as a smartly-dressed Alex comes in behind him and watches, disgusted at his flatmate's behaviour. Or something like that, you get what I mean. By doing it this way the audience knows immediately what the characters are all about.
What I'm trying to say is you need to set your stall out early, let the audience know exactly what the characters are and that this is gonna be a f**king funny story so they'd better not miss it.
Then remember, jokes jokes jokes. People watch comedy to laugh.
Hope this helps
Comedy mistake 101 there Perry. What kind of sweets??
Oh I dunno. Cherry lips? Then he could kiss one for good luck.
Nice save.
Quote: Marc P @ July 22 2008, 11:37 AM BSTNice save.
Thanks everyone. Yeah i think describing the situation and details of what the characters are wearing and physical aspects is probably what i should put in too help people understand what's going on easier. It's just i have it in my head but don't or can't be bothered to put it to paper. But i will try and get around to it soon. I have just added the updated version of the secound half of the script if you would like to have a look at it. Thanks.