Hi everyone. thanks for the comments made they have been really helpful. I've just now updated this part of the script. Made it more fast paced and changed some of the dialogue. So i think it's quite a bit better now than it was.
My Sitcom Script - first half of episode Page 2
Quote: Seefacts @ July 21 2008, 6:26 PM BSTNo, he doesn't - he only likes people related to him to write for his shows.
Is that true?
Quote: Marc P @ July 21 2008, 8:35 PM BSTIs that true?
Well, one of the writers is his son.
Make of that what you will . . .
Actually, on checking - he's got LOADS of writers! I had no idea he barely did any work on the show.
So I'll re-phrase my original post. He only employs people related to him AND hacks.
Yeah but is he really David Jason's son?
You're absolutely right, Marc, with your example. Personally, I wouldn't have found it a bit funny, but then characters referring to 'celebrities' rarely makes me laugh. I find it all so extremely lazy. I think the term for what you did is 'don't go past the joke'.
Surely, the gag is 'Carla Lane'. So better to end on her.
BOYSIE:
(LOOKING AROUND) We'll be alright... as long as we don't invite Whatsaname round for dinner. You know. Carla Lane.
No Mister D. That is wrong.
Quote: JohnnyD @ July 22 2008, 9:30 AM BSTSurely, the gag is 'Carla Lane'. So better to end on her.
BOYSIE:
(LOOKING AROUND) We'll be alright... as long as we don't invite Whatsaname round for dinner. You know. Carla Lane.
"you know" ... ahhhh, the glue that holds any crap dialouge together!
And 'whatshername' too - a word that no one really uses.
thingy does. you know...
Can I just point out that it's quite a crap gag anyway?
Quote: Graham Bandage @ July 22 2008, 10:40 AM BSTCan I just point out that it's quite a crap gag anyway?
Yeah, it IS a crap gag. Mentioning celebrities is always a big arrow point to 'Look, we're modern'.
And it's a Carla Lane joke in 2008?! Jesus.
Quote: Griff @ July 22 2008, 10:45 AM BSTI don't like the Green Green Grass. But its audience are far more likely to have heard of Carla Lane as an animal rights activist than Dan Mathews or someone.
But is Carla Lane even a well known figure?
I'd have thought your average comedy fan wouldn't know who she was.
She's Penny's sister isn't she?
It's still a crap gag.