Sorting out the hard drive and found this.
It's written for radio and I think I submitted to 'The Bearded Ladies' ages ago.
Bit surreal
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Background noise of a busy wine bar.
KAREN
One large G & T and what are you drinking Helen?
HELEN
As the driver (BEAT) again, I'll go wild in the non-alcoholic section. What's in the yellow bottle?
BARWOMAN
Pineapple and Peach Panache; organically grown, innocent pineapple with a mild suggestion of the somewhat hedonistic peach.
HELEN
Right (BEAT) and the green one?
BARWOMAN
Apple and Kiwi Canoodle. Wind fallen Somerset apples gently courted; caressed and eventually seduced with wild abandon by the; oh so dominant nectar of the exotic Kiwi fruit.
KAREN
Jeez; what's wrong with Britvic?
HELEN
I'm afraid to ask, but (BEAT) the reddish one?
BARWOMAN
Strawberry and Raspberry Ménage. Wild strawberries massaged through Portuguese hand woven muslin, then teased with the natural aroma of raspberries…
HELEN
Well…
BARWOMAN
…the very raspberries that were nurtured from seeds carelessly dropped by passing sparrows on their annual migration to Southern Spain.
KAREN
Did you just make that up?
BARWOMAN
(LOW) Yes.
HELEN
Are you bored?
BARWOMAN
(LOW) Out of my skull! (PAUSE) Rescue me! Please rescue me! Get me out of here!
HELEN
We're just here for a quiet drink. Rescuing not on the agenda.
KAREN
But a large Gin and Tonic is, pass the ice bucket.
BARWOMAN
(MUTTERS) That's not ice (PAUSE) it's frozen Yak Sweat.
I really liked it! Made me laugh out loud, actually!