Quote: Writer2K @ July 17 2008, 11:58 AM BSTJust had a look on Facebook and this might be a genuine poster therefore I reiterate the apology.
Right in that case, ignore all previous posts, and lets start again.
Welcome to the citique forum 
Right lets start.....err, first line who is Cotton and Sir David and why are they looking for a witch? 
Hi Arie - First, welcome.
To answer your questions:
Quote: Arie Bird @ July 17 2008, 8:28 AM BSTEMMA
Cotton! Sir David!EMMA (22), sweet-faced, wide-eyed and a bit girly, comes running up to them.
SIR DAVID
Emma!COTTON
Good-day, Emma.
Cut introductions where possible unless for comic effect as it slows everything down. Work out a way of getting in and out, avoiding the fluff of introductions and goodbyes, personally speaking.
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Quote: Arie Bird @ July 17 2008, 8:28 AM BSTCotton opens his mouth to verbally disfigure Sir David, when...
Avoid jokes in direction because the viewer will never hear / see them. :-) Keep directions concise and spartan.
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Quote: Arie Bird @ July 17 2008, 8:28 AM BSTSIR DAVID
Of course I do! He is only my superior officer and he is the reason why I got posted in Hogswallow in the first place.
Really unnatural dialogue here. And a bit of exposition that stands out rather than sneaks in.
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Quote: Arie Bird @ July 17 2008, 8:28 AM BSTCOTTON
What? Why do you want a lock of my hair?SIR DAVID
I need to construct a fake beard and wear it as if it were my own, so I can slip past him unnoticed and then grab the nearest stage-coach off to Italy! It wont be much, I wiill have to change my name to Eclair Subaccio and live out my days running a little Savanan tea shop three miles outside of Rome. But it will be worth it. Give my children my love.
This section is the standout part - very Goons and BlackAdder - and the highlight of the sketch.
The ending doesn't quite make it for me. The whole piece had the feeling of an excerpt from a longer piece.
But I did like Sir David's above paragraph very much - even the stilted language worked in that section.
I echo the question about looking for a witch - I'm assuming a Blair Witch reference?
Hi Arie,
I didn't dislike it or find it hard to get. As a funny piece it was OK but it was specifically the style of the dialogue that I liked. I found much of it interesting.
However, because of the idiosyncratic nature of the piece, I don't think it works that well as a stand alone sketch. It seems to me that we'd have to know the characters already to find it really funny. Is it an extract from a longer piece?
Don't be put off by some of the 'oiky' comments you've had btw. The guys/gals on here aren't too bad but like any forum, a few of them have their heads up there orifices at times, if you know what I mean... 
Quote: Frankie Rage @ July 17 2008, 11:18 PM BSTThe guys/gals on here aren't too bad but like any forum, a few of them have their heads up there orifices at times, if you know what I mean...
Orifi surely?
Quote: Frankie Rage @ July 17 2008, 11:18 PM BSTDon't be put off by some of the 'oiky' comments you've had btw. The guys/gals on here aren't too bad but like any forum, a few of them have their heads up there orifices at times, if you know what I mean...
The ones with their heads in the wrong places are the Muppets that keep offering critque to wind ups.
If what you're saying is critiwuing wind ups encouargares people to wind up.
Fair point.
But how do you differentiate between the poor, the inexperienced, and the wind up?
Quote: sootyj @ July 18 2008, 9:37 AM BSTBut how do you differentiate between the poor, the inexperienced, and the wind up?
Is that a generic "you" or are you asking me how i do it?
If it's the latter i use a) common sense and b) work on the principle that if something is so bad as to be thought a windup then whether i dismiss for being crap or a joke it makes no difference.
Has that cross trainer you were standing on calmed down any by the way Pete?
Quote: Pete @ July 18 2008, 10:50 AM BSTIs that a generic "you" or are you asking me how i do it?
If it's the latter i use a) common sense and b) work on the principle that if something is so bad as to be thought a windup then whether i dismiss for being crap or a joke it makes no difference.
Generic, and where as that works, it's pretty hard on the inexperienced writer and aren't we supposed to be hleping each other?
Who's Davidmoreton? I've tried using Search but that doesn't seem to be working (it won't give me access to most of the search results)
This is too elaborate for a wind up (i.e. the facebook entry)
Jesus shitting Christmas. It ever occured to any of you that giving time to cry about and then explain these apparent conspiracies gives more credence and satisfaction to a poster than if you just read it, comment, and move on as normal?
If you have genuine suspicions, there's a 'Report' button at the bottom of every post. Use it. Don't go throwing accusations around.
Quote: Aaron @ July 18 2008, 12:29 PM BSTJesus shitting Christmas. It ever occured to any of you that giving time to cry about and then explain these apparent conspiracies gives more credence and satisfaction to a poster than if you just read it, comment, and move on as normal?
If you have genuine suspicions, there's a 'Report' button at the bottom of every post. Use it. Don't go throwing accusations around.
Oi! Stay out of critique, who do you think you are? *walks of muttering* Bloody mods.
Quote: Aaron @ July 18 2008, 12:29 PM BSTJesus shitting Christmas. It ever occured to any of you that giving time to cry about and then explain these apparent conspiracies gives more credence and satisfaction to a poster than if you just read it, comment, and move on as normal?
If you have genuine suspicions, there's a 'Report' button at the bottom of every post. Use it. Don't go throwing accusations around.
I like to think i'm a fairly nice guy.
Could you imagine anything more horrible than writing a skit that wasn't so good, and some one saying it's bad you're obviously a troll.
Well ok nuclear war, or herpes might be worse. But you get the idea.
Quote: sootyj @ July 18 2008, 12:54 PM BSTCould you imagine anything more horrible than writing a skit that wasn't so good, and some one saying it's bad you're obviously a troll.
It's actually very generous of us. Someone posts something that makes no sense and has no gags....we can either say "this sucks" or we can say "nice windup"....if it were my sketch i'd say "yep. you got me" and go and hide 
I wander when the first person will accuse me of being an especially persistent troll?