Massage sketch

INT. MASSAGE PARLOUR – DAY

A MASSUESE BUFFS HER NAILS. A MAN ENTERS. HE HAS NO SKIN.

MAN:
Good day.

MASSEUSE:
(HORRIFIED) Oh, God! I'll call an ambulance!

MAN:
Whatever for?

MASSEUSE:
The accident!

MAN:
Accident? Is something the matter with my Volvo?

HE RUSHES TO LOOK OUT THE WINDOW.

MAN (CONT):
Not a scratch! I assume this your idea of a joke, young lady?

MASSEUSE:
No, I…

MAN:
...please can we get to business?

MASSEUSE:
You need a doctor!

MAN:
Pish and tish - a relaxing rubdown is all the treatment I need.

MASSEUSE:
I… I can't do that.

MAN:
Is this not a unisex establishment?

MASSEUSE:
It is, but…

MAN:
…so it's my ethnicity then! How would you like it if I judged you by the colour of your skin?

MASSEUSE:
But you don't have any…

MAN:
…enough! I insist on a massage post haste!

CUT TO:

INT. TREATMENT ROOM – DAY

THE MAN LAYS FACE DOWN ON A MASSAGE BED, HIS MODESTY COVERED BY A TOWEL. THE DISGUSTED MASSEUSE RUBS OIL INTO HER HANDS.

MASSEUSE:
You're sure about this choice of oil? Therapeutic lavender?

MAN:
Yes.

MASSEUSE:
Infused with zest of lemon?

MAN:
(SIGH) Must we debate each and every detail?

MASSEUSE:
(CONCEEDING) Okay then.

SHE TENTATIVELY PLACES A HAND ON HIS BACK. HE LET'S OUT AN ALMIGHTY SCREAM.

MASSEUSE:
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

MAN:
I fail to see why - I can hardly blame you for forgetting to pay the parking meter!

Nice punch and I love No Skin Man's linguistic precision.

Excellent. How would you make this?

Quote: Sofa_Matt @ July 14 2008, 4:42 PM BST

Excellent. How would you make this?

View original

I was thinking red paint and carefully drawn lines to represent muscle fibres. Then a quick slap of something glossy like KY to give it that raw and bloody look. That's the cheapie fix anyhow. If I had a budget I'd go for something a bit more ambitious.

Quote: Graham Bandage @ July 14 2008, 4:34 PM BST

Nice punch and I love No Skin Man's linguistic precision.

View original

Thanks, Graham.

Quote: David Bussell @ July 14 2008, 4:46 PM BST

I was thinking red paint and carefully drawn lines to represent muscle fibres. Then a quick slap of something glossy like KY to give it that raw and bloody look. That's the cheapie fix anyhow. If I had a budget I'd go for something a bit more ambitious.

View original

You've thought this through, then?

Quote: Graham Bandage @ July 14 2008, 4:46 PM BST

You've thought this through, then?

View original

Well, it's hard not to have a little wonder when you write a character with no skin into your sketch, isn't it?

Quote: David Bussell @ July 14 2008, 4:48 PM BST

Well, it's hard not to have a little wonder when you write a character with no skin into your sketch, isn't it?

View original

As my old gran used to say.

Thanks, alter-ego!

Very polished, and well put together.

And a lovley simple idea worked with real commitment to character.

Maybe - just a thought, have a second masseuse there who faints when he comes in and stays unconscious on the floor the duration of the sketch.

Class. Nightmare to film but class.

I think it's great as it is.

Assuming you can get a decent 'flesh suit' made up, it would be easy to film.

Quote: Winterlight @ July 17 2008, 5:19 PM BST

Assuming you can get a decent 'flesh suit' made up, it would be easy to film.

View original

Body stocking with drawn/coloured in bits perhaps?

This sketch has just blocked out the sun. It's not quite right though.

Or maybe just skin someone? I'm sure there's someone out there to exploit.