SCENE 1
A DANK, DICKENSIAN BASEMENT POORLY LIT BY CANDLES. A COLLECTION OF WRETCHES ARE CHAINED TO DESKS TYPING.
A SMALL IDIOT BOY, PUSHES A TROLLEY AROUND COLLECTING THEIR WRITINGS. HE STACKS THEM IN A HUGE PILE OF SHEETS 12 FOOT HIGH IN THE CENTER OF THIS SORRY SCENE.
ONE QUITE ABLE LOOKING GUY(SOOTY Z), IS TALKING TO A BROKEN MAN (SOOTY C)
SOOTY Z
Geezer, this is a bit embarassing but where am I? And how did I get here?
SOOTY A
You're in the home for forgotten, and failed comic writers. I'm Sooty A, welcome Sooty Z.
SOOTY Z
What you talking about mate, I'm...
SOOTY A
You're Sooty Z, unless you want to spend a week in the cellar with out food. Like Sooty B over there.
A BROKEN FIGURE TYPES, TEARS STREAMING FROM HIS EYES, HE IS CLEARLY NEARLY DEAD.
SOOTY A
We all produce different comedic material for our, harsh master. Sooty B does political puns.
Sooty B (in a broken voice)
You're not Robert Mugabe, you're Julia Robert Moo-Malcolm Garvey, oh God take me now.
SOOTY A
Sooty C does sitcoms about serial killers and paedophiles. Sooty i does thuddingly obvious political skits.
SOOTY I
Oh for the love of God, please some one give me another way to say George W Bush is stupid, and probably gay.
SOOTY Z
So what does Sooty J do?
SOOTY A
Never mention his name, he is out master. You are Sooty Z, you do Maddy McCanne jokes, like the old Sooty Z did. Till the Portugese Police took him away.
SOOTY Z
How long for?
SOOTY A
Till you die. If you're lucky it won't be long. Me I think it's been 10 years, 10 long years making jokes about bestiality.
A DOOR OPENS AND SOOTY J ENTERS HE IS AN OLD SCHOOL DICKENSIAN VILLAIN. HE HAS A TOP HAT, AND A MOUSTACHE.
HE INSPECTS THE PILE.
SOOTY J
Pah you sluggards, there's barely 23,000 lame gags here, it's half rations and the whip for all of you. That's the worst mornings work ever.
SCENE 2
AN OFFICE WE CAN SEE "SCRIPT EDITOR" ON A SIGN ABOVE THE DOOR.
THE SCRIPT EDITOR IS LOOKING AT HIS COMPUTER.
SCRIPT EDITOR
Julia Robert M0o-Garvey. The part film star, part cow, founder of Black conciousness, and head of ZImbabwe. That's shit even for SootyJ, select all, delete all.
