Okay, so here's a sketch I wrote a while ago. It's not really typical of my style and I haven't had a chance to use it; it wouldn't work as an audio sketch and would be too difficult to ever film myself. Anyway, thought I'd feed it to the lions...
THE ENGAGEMENT PARTY
INT. – NIGHT
AN ENGAGEMENT PARTY IN A MARQUEE. THE COUPLE, LIAM AND VANESSA (EARLY 20S) ARE DANCING, SURROUNDED BY FAMILY AND FRIENDS. THERE IS A DJ PLAYING ‘STAN’ BY EMINEM.
DJ
…And that song was for Vanessa and Liam who are celebrating their engagement tonight!
A ROMANTIC SONG STARTS AND VANESSA AND LIAM LEAVE THE DANCE FLOOR, GRIMACING AT THE MUSIC. AS THEY WALK OFF, VANESSA’S MUM GRABS HER ARM.
VANESSA’S MOTHER
Can I just take some more photos darling?
VANESSA
Mum, I really want to mingle with a few more guests…
VANESSA’S MOTHER
It won’t take long. Please? It would be really nice to get some group shots.
VANESSA
Okay.
VANESSA GOES OVER TO TWO YOUNG MEN AT THE BAR AND TAKES THEM TO HER MOTHER, WHO IS FIDDLING WITH HER CAMERA.
VANESSA
Mum, do you remember Dan and Oliver? I used to go to school with them.
SHE STANDS IN THE MIDDLE OF DAN AND OLIVER WITH AN ARM AROUND EACH. LIAM IS STANDING TO THE SIDE. HER MOTHER STARTS SNAPPING WITH HER CAMERA. VANESSA’S FATHER SIDDLES UP TO LIAM.
LIAM
Didn’t Vanessa used to go out with Dan?
VANESSA’S FATHER
Yes. Yes I believe so. (PAUSE) And Oliver.
LIAM
Oh.
VANESSA IS STILL POUTING AND POSING WITH DAN AND OLIVER. THEY ARE HUDDLING UP TOGETHER.
VANESSA
Quick, there’s Rob! Rob, come and have your photo taken!
ROB GOES OVER TO POSE FOR PHOTOS WITH VANESSA, DAN AND OLIVER.
VANESSA’S DAD
Isn’t that Rob?
LIAM
Yes. He works with Vanessa.
VANESSA’S DAD
She used to go out with him.
LIAM
Yes. I know.
VANESSA’S MUM
Do you know what would be funny Vanessa darling? If we got a picture of you with all your ex-boyfriends!
VANESSA
Well, they’re not all here…. but there’s Georgie, Charlie, Basty…
SHE BECKONS THEM OVER AND THEY ALL POSE TOGETHER. SOME OF THE YOUNG MEN SHAKE EACH OTHER’S HANDS AND SAY HELLO, SOME GIVE EACH OTHER DIRTY LOOKS.
VANESSA’S MUM
(TO A PASSING FEMALE GUEST) Can you get Anthony and Josh over for a photo please?
VANESSA
Justin! Simon!
MORE AND MORE MEN ARRIVE. NOT ALL OF THEM ARE YOUNG NOW. LIAM STILL LOOKS ON FROM THE SIDELINES.
VANESSA’S DAD
Don’t forget Colin! Colin, where are you? (TO LIAM) He was a lovely chap. We were so upset when he and Vanessa broke up.
VANESSA
And Kevin! Someone find Kevin!
DJ
(THROUGH THE PA SYSTEM). We are looking for Kevin. Kevin, Liam the fiance’s brother, Kevin.
THE PHOTO GROUP IS NOW HUGE. IT NOW INCLUDES A VERY ELDERLY GENTLEMAN AND A VICAR.
DJ
Hang on! Wait for me!
THE DJ PUTS ON ANOTHER RECORD. ALL THE MEN, EXCEPT VANESSA’S FATHER AND LIAM, ARE IN THE GROUP PHOTO WITH VANESSA.
LIAM
(TO A MIDDLE-AGED MAN THE PHOTO GROUP) Dad?
