A well-spoken, jovial man in his late fifties is talking to camera on a food programme - reviewing a red wine.
WINE EXPERT
Ah now here's a wine to contend with! Holding it up to the light reveals a wonderful clarity and brightness of colour which hints at a light refreshing drink. A quick swirl of the glass brings out a light froth which suggests a full body – all in all a real contradiction of a wine.
He sticks his nose as far into the glass as it will go and inhales deeply – savouring the smell as he considers how to describe it.
WINE EXPERT
A scent to take you back to the happiest of summer afternoons – daisies, dandelions and even roses all jostle together, competing jovially for your affections, all underlined perfectly by the subtlest hint of a freshly mown lawn after a light shower.
He dips his beak in and takes another lungful.
WINE EXPERT
And then – almost as though it's trying to hide but secretly wanting, no yearning, to be found there's the bitter smell of dark, dark chocolate – perfectly counterbalancing those more vibrant smells. Now the foreplay's over and it's time for the tasting!
He tips the glass up to his mouth and takes a loud slurp as he sucks it through his rolled tongue. He swishes it round his mouth, an array of emotions play across his face as he slurps the wine about – delight, surprise, confirmation, etc.
He finally swallows it down – having savoured every moment.
WINE EXPERT
Quite simply put that was everything I described from the scent and an awful lot more on top. The flowers and the fresh-cut grass and the chocolate – that's what comes first, and that in itself would make up a simply wonderful wine but then as you let it wash over your tongue, swish it round your mouth and then just let it linger you get the unmistakable flavour of a perfectly ripened Gruyere, the smoky yet sweet tang of well aged pipe-tobacco – and then quite unexpectedly finishing with the crisp, sweet – but not too sweet – taste of charantais melon and green apples. All in all a perfect drop.
But most importantly of all; fifteen quid, fourteen percent vol. and incredibly easy drinking. Perfect, I'd say, for deflowering a virgin!
Edited by Aaron.
