Quote: Sofa_Matt @ July 8 2008, 1:11 PM BSTYes Graham I can beat that. This is my story.
I used to be a Fingerprint Expert, a what? I hear you ask. Basically I examined fingerprints from scenes of crime and found out who dunnit. I also on occassion had to take fingerprints from dead bodies in mortuaries in order to either identify them or 'prove' identity.
OK here we go.......
A man killed himself in Chelmsford Prison, and whilst everyone is always confident about who is who, as part of the 'confirmation ticking' exercise, fingerprints are taken from the deceased and checked with those held on record to PROVE conclusively that evryone is on the same page so to speak.
I did so, noting that this particular individual had a tattoo on his arm proudly advertising his loyalty to Stoke City FC.
Upon leaving the mortuary, I quipped to the junior colleague who was attending with me "Huh, no wonder he killed himself, being a Stoke City fan"
Immediately a car with three women each smoking a fag with the window down burst into tears and uncontrollable wailing.
Yes you guessed it, this was the car containing the grieving relatives waiting to 'Identify' the body, hoping beyond hope that a terrible mistake had been made and it was in fact not their loved one that had been found swinging in his cell earlier that day.
To make matters worse our cars were parked next to eachother, so close in fact that I had to squezze in between them to gain access to my vehicle. I drove outta there like a F1 driver on the starting grid!
This was not my finest hour, and I felt genuine embarrassment and anxiety at the time, but my god I've dined out on it a few times since
That's astonishing, and worthy of writing up.
A finger printe expert, comedian, rugby player something of a renaissance man?
