A Nice Sketch About Pigs

Hello.

A couple of things before I post my (first) sketch:

1.) The formatting is rubbish. This I know already. It would be pointless telling you not to criticise the formatting. So go ahead. But it won't do any good.

2.) If you don't like it, say so. If you really want to make my day, tell me why.

3.) My biggest headscratcher is whether to have this as one big sketch or 3 smaller sketches to be split up over the course of an episode. Would love to hear your thoughts on this.

4.) See 2.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pt. 1

Ext. Open on two pigs, Phil and Trevor, milling around a field with numerous other pigs. Trevor looks concerned.

Trevor:
Phil?

Phil:
Yeah Trevor?

Trevor:
Do you ever get the feeling that something’s not quite right around here?

Phil:
No, not really. Why?

Trevor:
Um.... It’s just... something feels, well... off

Phil:
Example?

Trevor:
Well, take this food

Phil:
What about it?

Trevor:
Free food?

Phil:
Yeah?

Trevor:
Where is it coming from?

Phil:
Well, that bloke in the tractor brings it over in the morning

Trevor:
Yes.... but.... why?

<Long pause. Both look worried.>

Phil:
Well... we’d get hungry otherwise, wouldn’t we?

Trevor:
Yeah... yeah. Suppose your right. Sorry Phil, don’t know what came over me.

Pt. 2

Ext. on Trevor and Phil, still milling about on field

Trevor:
Um, Phil?

Phil:
Yeah?

Trevor:
Why don’t we ever go anywhere?

Phil:
We do. We went to the barn this morning.

Trevor:
Yeah, but not the barn.... other places

Phil:
What other places

Trevor:
That’s my point! We’ve never been to any other places! None of us have!

Phil:
<confused> Uh....

Trevor:
And another thing... why are so many pigs here? There must be two hundred pigs here, standing around, eating free food in a field, and never once wo-

Phil:
<interrupts> Some of us have been other places. Greg and Barbara went into that big building over there a while ago

Trevor:
Oh?

Phil:
Yeah. Last I saw of them actually.

Trevor:
Oh... <pause> What do you suppose they’re doing in there

Phil:
Well, I suppose they live there now. Probably nice in there, it says Laughterhouse on the side.

Trev:
It says ‘S laugherhouse’

Phil:
Yeah, there’s probably loads of them ‘A laughterhouse’, ‘B laughterhouse’…I bet it’s like a house with people beds and nicer food

Trevor:
Nicer than slops?

Phil:
Yeah, people food I expect, like ice cream and chips and stuff

Trevor:
<Looks torn for a moment, then makes up his mind> Yeah, yeah. That must be it.
Pt. 3

Int. Trevor and Phil in the back of a cattle truck

Trevor:
Phil?

Phil:
Yeah?

Trevor:
I’ve been thinking again.

Phil:
<sighing> Yeah?

Trevor:
You know that taste we always have in our mouths?

Phil:
The delicious taste, yeah

Trevor:
Well.... do you think maybe that’s us?

Phil:
Hadn’t thought about it. Suppose it must be. So?

Trevor:
Well... I was thinking.... all this stuff... the free food... the fences... the slaughterhouse

Phil:
Laughterhouse

Trevor:
Whatever, well..... what if all of it had something to do with how incredibly delicious we are ?

Phil:
You don’t mean?

Both look startled, frozen by panic. As they start squealing the cattle truck starts up and begins driving towards the slaughterhouse. Phil and Trevor are running manically around the truck squeaking and squealing. As the truck arrives at the slaughterhouse doors they stop and hold each other, both looking, terrified, into the camera. The doors of the slaughterhouse slowly open and we see...

Hundreds of pigs, lying in beds, laughing gently, are eating bowls of ice cream and chips.

Cut to Trevor and Phil, looking relieved

Trevor:
Phew.... sorry about all that Phil Don’t know what came over me. Just, paranoia I guess

Phil:
That’s allright Trev, happens to the best of us at times.

Both are handed huge bowls of ice cream and chips all mixed up together as they climb into bed

Fin.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

P.S. For some reason cut and apste ate what little formatting there was. Sorry.

Thats fab, great character work, a nice joke played striaght all the way through, good punchline.

Of course I'd end with them still getting slaughtered, but thats just me.

Otherwise a top notch laid back bit of fun.

Yeah they're pretty good. Although, if you are going to split them up throughout an episode (Which I think would be best), you should give the first part a punchline.

Good stuff though.

The first one didn't really do anything for me, however the second was good and the third was the best.

I think Chris hit the nail in the head when he said you need some sort of punchline to the first one.

Quote: Chris Forshaw @ July 5 2008, 11:30 AM BST

Yeah they're pretty good. Although, if you are going to split them up throughout an episode (Which I think would be best), you should give the first part a punchline.

View original

You are right, but I can't think of a way of doing it without sacrificing the atmosphere. The humor is supposed to be very laid back, and it's meant to give a kind of creepy feeling too.

Also, I can't think of another gag to throw in there, so my harping on about atmosphere and build up may well be me covering for my poor writing abilities.

TY for feedback.

---

On a tangent, kind of, is it (theoretically) ok to have a sketch without a punchline if it is building to stuff later in the episode?

Although, the more I think about it, the mroe I realise you are both right: first one needs a puncline, ro at least something to bring out the baseline joke .

You can get away with a punchline with character stuff, but it needs to be very strong.

Maybe a bacon wrapper blows mournfully by on the wind, a Sainsbury truck pulls up.

Something very low key.

Agree with all the above.

On the issue of formatting...sort it! It's a 30 sec job to make that easier to read, not doing so is lazy.

I was thinking more along the lines of 'that bloke in the tractor' driving past in the background with a massive ham under his arm or something.

Also I think you should go with Sootyj's idea about having them actually get slaughtered at the end. You could have the ice cream being drugged and as they're eating it the other pigs around them start passing out.

Or we a poster, with M&S luxury gammon, from pigs fed on icecream.

I like the idea of the first skit being enigmatic.

Quote: sootyj @ July 5 2008, 11:56 AM BST

You can get away with a punchline with character stuff, but it needs to be very strong.

Maybe a bacon wrapper blows mournfully by on the wind, a Sainsbury truck pulls up.

Something very low key.

View original

This I like a lot.

Quote: Pete @ July 5 2008, 11:58 AM BST

Agree with all the above.

On the issue of formatting...sort it! It's a 30 sec job to make that easier to read, not doing so is lazy.

View original

Agreed, but unless I'm being dense I don't see any way of making things bold when posting in this forum, unless I'm supposed to do it through html?

Look at how others do it, and copy.

You risk not getting read, which is a shame as your good.

double space, and put dialogue under the names works for me.

I've formatted it a bit to make it l;ess offensive to the eye. Cheers all for the feedback, genuinely appreciated.

Much nicer.

Stumbled cross this and thought what a great sketch so.....bump.

great idea behind the sketch, and it was nicely done Jonathon.
Sorry I didn't realise we'd stumbled back 4 years. you may not be around anymore so I'm sorry for that.