British Comedy Guide

Assault

A small frivalous sketch inspired by a real life incident and as always... my muse.

INT. POLICE STATION. DAY.

A MAN IS SITTING IN A POLICE STATION INTERVIEW ROOM, THE DOOR OPENS. A POLICEMAN ENTERS WITH A LARGE PAD.

POLICEMAN:
Well Mr Stevens our police sketch artist has listened to your description and produced this, is this who assaulted you?

THE POLICEMAN TURNS THE PAD OVER TO REVEAL A PAGE WITH LOTS OF DOTS DRAWN ON IT.

MR STEVEN:
That’s them.

POLICEMAN (SHOUTING):
Sarge, it’s the gnats again, but this time we got ‘em bang to rights.

ENDS

Bonkers.

I would be terrified to hear the true-life story behind this sketch.

I think there's a 'you' missing in the policeman's first line.

Top notch, and very funny.

And lovely pace.

Heh heh. Nice.

It's a nice idea, but the last line confuses me. How have they "got 'em"? For them to say "It's the gnats again" would lead you to think they've previously known the gnats are committing assaults.

Maybe it's just me.

Quote: Winterlight @ July 2 2008, 10:31 AM BST

It's a nice idea, but the last line confuses me. How have they "got 'em"? For them to say "It's the gnats again" would lead you to think they've previously known the gnats are committing assaults.

Maybe it's just me.

Yes, that's right.... they are aware... hence the 'again' but now they have a witness... who can testify... Really don't see the confusion as you have just described what has happened... hehe

You have possibly been overthinking a rather simple sketch

Well, yes, I probably am overthinking. I just think it's always best to make sure there's no room for doubt.

Quote: Winterlight @ July 2 2008, 10:47 AM BST

Well, yes, I probably am overthinking. I just think it's always best to make sure there's no room for doubt.

As there isn't, because as you said basically 'I'm confused, that reads exactly like what it means'. Or maybe I'm not understanding quiet what you mean.

But hey-ho only a frivalous little number as I said.

I thought it was confusing, and I'll tell you for why. At the end I was left wondering if they were actual gnats on the page or drawings of gnats.

Maybe you could make something out of that. Have the copper produce a big book with dots on the page that turn out, on closer inspection, to be gnats. Then he can slam the book at the end with the "Got 'em!" line.

I've thought the 'police sketch artist' was enough to get the point of it being drawn across but have now added clarification.

And that as they say... is all he wrote.

Great. Confusion eliminated.

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