British Comedy Guide

"The Graffiti": Act One, Scenes A-F

hello, here is the first ten pages of the second episode of "The Best Years of Our Lives" titled: "The Graffiti". i'd appreciate some feedback. i'm not sure how funny these first few scenes are and i might go back and try to think up some more jokes for them. keep in mind also that scene which i posted on here earlier is just an intro and doesn't have anything to do with the plot. anyways, enjoy!

The Best Years of Our Lives
"The Graffiti"

ACT ONE
SCENE A

EXT. OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL – DAY

BEN and Alex are standing out side the school. They’re waiting for someone.

ALEX
Maybe he’s not coming.

BEN
He’ll be here, trust me.

Suddenly ROY comes tearing around the corner on his bike. He appears to be riding a girl’s bike. He skids to a halt.

ALEX
Is that a girl’s bike?

ROY
When you called I didn’t have time to get home, so I confiscated a little girls bike.

BEN
You stole a little girl’s bike?

ROY
Desperate times call for desperate measures. So what’s the emergency?

BEN
Well, we were walking by the school, minding our own business when we saw someone break into the school.

ALEX
We new we had to call someone and we immediately thought of you.

ROY
There’s an intruder inside the school?

ROY pushes himself against the wall and peers through the window.

ROY (CONT’D)
You boys were right to call me. Have you alerted the authorities?

BEN
Well yeah, but they could be a while.

ROY
True. Looks like I’ll have to go in my self. You boys stay out here, this could get ugly.

ALEX
We wouldn’t think of it.

ROY takes a deep breath and then kicks the door in screaming and runs into the school.

ALEX
Have we gone too far?

BEN
Probably… But it’s Roy.

ALEX
Good point.

Just then a police car pulls in. Two cops come it with they’re guns drawn.

COP
Is the perp still inside?

BEN
Yeah. Be ready, he looks pretty dangerous.

The cops move into the school.

ALEX
So… what should we do now?

BEN
Homework?

The both start laughing and walk away. The cops come out of the school dragging
ROY heind them.

ROY
It’s not me, I swear! The real intruder is still in there!

A little girl comes over and kicks ROY in the shin.

GIRL
Jerk!

She takes her bike back and rides away.

CUT TO:

ACT ONE
SCENE B

INT. MATH CLASS - DAY

BEN, ALEX and LENNY are walking into math class.
BEN
So you guys were just making out and then all of a suddenly she said she had to leave?

ALEX
(laughing)
Ouch.

LENNY
Maybe she really did have to leave.

ALEX
Have you ever had to leave while you were making out with someone?

LENNY
So you’re saying something’s wrong.

BEN, ALEX, LENNY sit down at they’re desks.

ALEX
What’s wrong is you getting some action while I remain single.

BEN
Let’s go over the whole evening.

LENNY
Okay, well first we went out to dinner at Alberto’s.

ALEX
Ooh… They have a great porterhouse.

LENNY
Actually I had macaroni and cheese.

BEN
You’re at a fancy restaurant with a beautiful girl and you order mac and cheese?

LENNY
What’s wrong with mac and cheese?

ALEX
It’s fine… when you’re five.

BEN
You’re a guy Lenny; you’re king of the jungle. You need to sink your teeth into a nice juicy piece of meat.

LENNY
Well things seemed to be going fine at dinner. It wasn’t until we actually started fooling around that things seemed to go wrong.

ALEX
So what happened when you got back from dinner?

CUT TO:

ACT ONE
SCENE C

INT. SCIENCE CLASS - DAY
ALICE and BETH are sitting in science class.

BETH
So what happened when you got back?

ALICE
Well, we started fooling around and…

BETH
And?

ALICE
Well, he wasn’t a very good kisser.

BETH
How so?

ALICE
He did this thing with his tongue.

BETH
(getting impatient)
Yeah?

ALICE opens her mouth and flicks her tongue back and forth rapidly.

BETH
Ewwww!

CUT TO:

ACT ONE
SCENE D

INT. MATH CLASS - DAY

BEN, ALEX, and LENNY are sitting in math class.

ALEX
Wow, dude, that’s not how you kiss.

BEN
You don’t treat her mouth like a maraca.

LENNY
Well what do I do?

ALEX
Haven’t you ever made out with a girl before?

LENNY
Well, ummm…

BEN
Oh my god, that was his first time.

CUT TO:

ACT ONE
SCENE E

INT. SCIENCE CLASS - DAY

ALICE and BETH are sitting in science class.

ALICE
I think it was his first time.

BETH
Ya, I’ll say. That’s pretty traumatic.

ALICE
Look, it’s no big deal.

BETH
No big deal? Good make out sessions are the key to any relationship.

ALICE
You sure it’s not good communication?

BETH
(pauses for a moment)

No, I’m pretty sure it’s making out.

ALICE
Really, it’s no big deal. It’s not like I’m going to break up with him over it.

CUT TO:

ACT ONE
SCENE F

INT. MATH CLASS - DAY

BEN, ALEX, and LENNY are sitting in math class.

ALEX
She could break up with you over this.

BEN
She’s not going to break up with him. We just need to do damage control.

LENNY
Damage control?

BEN
You need to take her out on a date again, but this time do it right.

ALEX
Order the steak, take her back home and rock her world. You got to make sure she forgets about this disaster.

LENNY
So how can I rock her world?

ALEX
Well, the key is…

MR. REYNOLDS begins to make an announcement over the PA.

MR. REYNOLDS
Attention students. It has been brought to my attention that an offensive piece of graffiti has been displayed outside. Now I assure that…

BEN
I never noticed anything.

ALEX
I’m going outside.

All the students get up and start heading outside.

MR. REYNOLDS
I hear everyone heading outside; that is not necessary. Please do not go outside.

The school is now empty.

MR REYNOLDS (CONT’D)
Is anybody listening to me?

I like the idea of the two conversations running at the same time.

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