British Comedy Guide

I'm a minority treat me special! Page 6

Quote: sootyj @ June 27 2008, 7:07 AM BST

But what help you integrate? A wig, a hat, a big set of electric sheep shears to shave the head of those who mock you.

Or perhaps Micheal Chickliss, and Telly Savalas to follow you around, showing how cool,bald guys can be.

It's not being bald that bothers me, it's the fact that the good lord also saw fit to give me the build of a brick shithouse and huge, fat bricklayers hands with sausage-like fingers that taper at the end so much that my missus calls them "HairyLee Triangles". Basically I look like a bouncer and I do hate that, especially when you meet producers etc. I just don't look the part at all.

Most writers I've met LOOK like writers, with their foppish mounds of hair tumbling over their pale bespectacled faces, and their clothes hanging off their weak boyish bodies. And then I stride in, all bald and large and Northern, and totally aware they're looking at me thinking "who the f**k's THIS?!"

So to help me integrate I'd like a Romulan cloaking device please, so people can't see me.

Do you have a special keyboard with massive buttons so that your big, fat bricklayers hands don't press them all at once?

:)

Dan

Don't you ever think to use it. Loom over the desk at the milquetoast (word of the day) producer, and roar.

What do you mean yo don't get it!

Romulans cloaking device would be good though.

Quote: swerytd @ June 27 2008, 9:44 AM BST

Do you have a special keyboard with massive buttons so that your big, fat bricklayers hands don't press them all at once?

:)

Dan

No, I sellotape ballpoint pens to my fingers and tap away like that.

Ever read He Kills Coppers? Theres a character whose a gangland enforcer, durg dealer etc.

Who gets a career as a succesful comic.

To be honest I have the same problem. I'm generally an angry, embittered standup, stuck in the form of a jolly Bernard Manning

No one takes that seriously.

Quote: Mana @ June 26 2008, 8:07 PM BST

I live in a Chavtown. I demand a cattleprod so I can feel like an equal member of society! >: D I mean... :) please?

What you want is a flamethrower.

Which chav town? Any one ever visited chavtowns.com, I have a semi satirical thing on their boards.

Quote: Perry Nium @ June 27 2008, 1:22 AM BST

In case you hadn't noticed, I'm bald.

Bald! And to think I interviewed you! Eeeuugghh!

PS. If I were a baldy I would name my most hated child Gary.

That is a deeply evil pun.

Given that Perry has previously told us that those parts of his head that are not bald are GINGER, I would have thought he would have counted himself pretty lucky that it's all fallen out;)

No my head hair is (was)dark brown. The offensive jaffa-coloured fuzz you refer to adorns my chin in the form of a sad attempt at a goatee.

Image
I am not an animal!

That's weird! Collar and cuffs should always match;)

Quote: Perry Nium @ June 27 2008, 9:51 AM BST

No, I sellotape ballpoint pens to my fingers and tap away like that.

Laughing out loud

Quote: Sofa_Matt @ June 27 2008, 11:26 AM BST

That's weird! Collar and cuffs should always match;)

I'm like Perry, apart from the baldness. I have a brown thatch with a worrying tendency to gingerness about the beard department. I can get away with two days of beard growth, but then I have to shave in case anybody thinks I've been attending to Catherine Tate's wanton needs.

I'm sorry to disappoint, but anything posted by David Chapman beats it hands down.

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