Best Movie Never Made

I know this is slightly off topic from citique but i think it's a funny idea along the lines of the orange cinema adverts featuring Steven Seagal etc

It was another evening of imbibing the finest booze known to man down the Long John Silver with Horatio and Jeremiah when we came up with this, possibly the finest idea for a movie since John Travolta was forced to make Battlefield Earth on behalf of that bullshit Scientology cult.

Strangely the Monkey believes that the part of Charles could ideally be played by the Monkey. (The Monkey is a dynamite actor, like Mel Gibson but without the whole Zionist conspiracy theory and sugar tits thing). Also we think this picture could well resurrect the careers of many former Hollywood giants. And let’s face it; it’s about f**kin’ time for the return of Steve Guttenberg.

Jean Claude, Dolph, Stallone, and Steve’s Guttenberg and Seagal all star and for some reason they are all called Jackson. The president’s brain has been stolen and swapped with the brain of a monkey called Charles who is the chauffer for all of the above. The chimp wears a kilt and a (rotating) bow tie; he also wears a clown outfit at some point. Charles has a fiendish coke habit, sports an afro and likes supermodels and fast cars. The "Jackson Five" are all transsexuals and are ferried about by Charles who drives a banana shaped car for no apparent reason.

Throughout the course of this blockbuster it is up to them to find the mastermind of the brain swap conspiracy who turns out to be Michael Jackson who thinks Charles is Bubbles and wants to be king of America using the chimp super brain now in the Presidents head. It all ends in never land with a huge chimp-orama battle. Thinks Ewoks and Jedi. After everyone is saved there is a huge sing-along at a football stadium involving the chimp and Janet Jackson singing a Justin Timberlake song. Janet’s breast is exposed and it turns out to be a bomb killing everyone.

Except the "Jackson Five" who live to fight another day.

Cue many. Many lucrative sequels.

Michael Bay we are waiting for your call.

I'm not really sure where you would be hoping to use this or in what format. Would it just be spoken word?

It seemed to be trying to hard to be wacky.

Also, the first mention of The Monkey comes from out of nowhere. It really confused me as I didn't know who The Monkey was. It's revealed a little later, but by then the confusion had literally confused me.

the monkey is a character we use on our website www.timetoevolvecomedy.com probably should have explained that

Part of the purpose of the skit is to be worst movie idea of all time with the idea of phoning up a film company and recording their response to the pitch

Ah, I see.

Is it possible to ring up a film company and just pitch though?

I remember I rang up a railway company once and enquired about whether I would have to buy a ticket for my pet monkey if he accompanied me on a train journey. I recorded that, but corpsed terribly throughout. I was 18 back then. Yes. That's what I used to do.

it might be funnier if i was trying to pitch to a secretary at a film company who had no interest in what i was saying.

i think you should phone up a rail company again saying that you have a pet monkey that is dying and his only wish before he snuffs it is to drive a train and would this be possible? even just for a few stops

Quote: Winterlight @ June 26 2008, 9:43 AM BST

I remember I rang up a railway company once and enquired about whether I would have to buy a ticket for my pet monkey if he accompanied me on a train journey. I recorded that, but corpsed terribly throughout. I was 18 back then. Yes. That's what I used to do.

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I worked in a hotel in LA for a while and I got a call from a guy asking about our pet policy. Before I could say "we don't allow pets" he added that he was talking about doves. I can only assume he was a magician.

I echo Winterlight's comments above. You need to make it clearer what it is you're presenting. And having it rely on an inside joke hardly helps.